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Original poster

I can’t go to my DBros wedding and I’m gutted

43 replies

MissingTheWedding · 11/12/2022 19:32

It’s 250 miles away from where we all live on a weekday which I will need a day either side for travel. I can’t take DC out of school as they have under 90% attendance due to medical conditions meaning they need to go to appointments; I’ve been warned if they miss school for any reason without a doctors note to back it up I will be fined and I’ll have to pay ExHs fine too as that’s the agreement we have.

I’m a single parent, ExH will not have DC in the week at all not even for tea. His contact is court ordered and he was offered weekday contact in court and refused it. If I ask him to have DC for a couple of days he just says no, he has his time with DC and he doesn't want anymore.

My only other childcare option will be at the wedding (my mum).

So I can’t go as I can’t afford to bring DC with me and have no-one to look after them so I can go.

DBro is gutted as well, we’re close and he wanted me there but he understands. They went for the 250 miles away as it’s the cheapest they’ve found, and they just want to get it over with.

I’m just letting off steam here, I feel sad I won’t see my brother marry, he was at my wedding. My parents are also a bit upset as they wanted some photos of the 3 of us (me, DBro and DC – my parents aren’t together anymore so don’t want photos of each other).

Wedding is in January so I don’t expect theres much I can do now apart from feel sad. I’ve asked for a photo from the day and to take them out to celebrate with DC when I can afford it.

OP posts:
kitcat15 · 11/12/2022 21:04

I would just suck up the fine.....pay it when you can....they can't take what you haven't got....butdepends how bad you want to go

Cantgetwarms · 11/12/2022 21:09

Which part of the country do you live in?

(only asking as the different nations have different criteria for issuing fines for non-attendance).

Original poster
MissingTheWedding · 11/12/2022 21:09

kitcat15 · 11/12/2022 21:04

I would just suck up the fine.....pay it when you can....they can't take what you haven't got....butdepends how bad you want to go

@kitcat15 It'll be £60 per parent so £120 I have to find before I've even got to the wedding, I could do it but then that leaves no leeway if DC is ill where I'd have to find another £120 or persaude the GP to give me a letter or hope they're ill enough to need antibiotics (prescriptions are classed as evidence).

OP posts:

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Weddings
SixCharactersinSearchofanAuthor · 11/12/2022 21:10

Why can't your DD be ill for the day? and you drive up after school the day before and leave later after the ceremony. It'd be hard work but you'd be there.

Original poster
MissingTheWedding · 11/12/2022 21:12

SixCharactersinSearchofanAuthor · 11/12/2022 21:10

Why can't your DD be ill for the day? and you drive up after school the day before and leave later after the ceremony. It'd be hard work but you'd be there.

@SixCharactersinSearchofanAuthor Because without evidence of illness I'll be getting fined, £120 is just too much as I'll have to pay ExHs fine too due to the arrangement we have about it (he took DC out of school a few years ago for a week and paid my fine so I can't very well expect him to pay mine this time as well) and gives no leeway for DC to be ill any other time.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 11/12/2022 21:17

I think @AnneLovesGilbert has put it exactly.

OP, I think you are being too accepting of DBro's choice. It's really unthinking of them to plan this kind of wedding, without recognising what an impossible position it puts you.

I really wouldn't feel bad about not being there.

CourtneeLuv · 11/12/2022 21:18

MissingTheWedding · 11/12/2022 19:32

It’s 250 miles away from where we all live on a weekday which I will need a day either side for travel. I can’t take DC out of school as they have under 90% attendance due to medical conditions meaning they need to go to appointments; I’ve been warned if they miss school for any reason without a doctors note to back it up I will be fined and I’ll have to pay ExHs fine too as that’s the agreement we have.

I’m a single parent, ExH will not have DC in the week at all not even for tea. His contact is court ordered and he was offered weekday contact in court and refused it. If I ask him to have DC for a couple of days he just says no, he has his time with DC and he doesn't want anymore.

My only other childcare option will be at the wedding (my mum).

So I can’t go as I can’t afford to bring DC with me and have no-one to look after them so I can go.

DBro is gutted as well, we’re close and he wanted me there but he understands. They went for the 250 miles away as it’s the cheapest they’ve found, and they just want to get it over with.

I’m just letting off steam here, I feel sad I won’t see my brother marry, he was at my wedding. My parents are also a bit upset as they wanted some photos of the 3 of us (me, DBro and DC – my parents aren’t together anymore so don’t want photos of each other).

Wedding is in January so I don’t expect theres much I can do now apart from feel sad. I’ve asked for a photo from the day and to take them out to celebrate with DC when I can afford it.

I doubt it was the cheapest option.

The registry office do a 50 quid on a Tuesday morning no frills type of wedding, even cheaper than the standard registry office do.

RunLolaRun102 · 11/12/2022 21:18

I doubt your DB / Sil wanted you there that much if he booked a venue 250 miles away. Don’t feel guilty. Seems like they don’t understand the point of getting married & just want the posh photos.

ChimneyPot · 11/12/2022 21:20

If your brother really wants you there he could offer to pay the fine

CourtneeLuv · 11/12/2022 21:26

SixCharactersinSearchofanAuthor · 11/12/2022 21:10

Why can't your DD be ill for the day? and you drive up after school the day before and leave later after the ceremony. It'd be hard work but you'd be there.

Why? They obviously aren't fussed if she goes. Don't waste your fine and illness time off on them op. I wouldn't send a gift either.

twinklestarin · 11/12/2022 21:43

Do the children need a doctors note ? What if they happened to have the odd fever where they can recover from home but dont need to see a doctor ? what will the school say ?

rookiemere · 11/12/2022 21:47

ChimneyPot · 11/12/2022 21:20

If your brother really wants you there he could offer to pay the fine

This - or your DPs could pay half each.

Bit silly having a mid week term time wedding so far away, then being sad that someone with school age DCs cannot attend.

Greengr · 11/12/2022 22:00

Not read the thread fully
Have you spoke to school ????

Daisy62 · 11/12/2022 22:22

If your ex doesn't like having the kids for extra days, would he agree if he then gets an extra weekend 'off'?

itsthefinalcountdown1 · 12/12/2022 06:43

If your DB wanted you there, he wouldn't have picked a mid week wedding 250 miles away, because that's "the cheapest". Sorry to sound harsh!

SammySawdust · 12/12/2022 07:20

I think your brother has lost sight of what's important.

SequinShagger · 12/12/2022 07:21

Bananarama21 · 11/12/2022 19:37

Your dbro booked a venue over 250 miles away from everyone in January? I can't imagine many making the journey that far just after Christmas. Surely there's plenty of cheaper local options.

are You sure he wanted you there?

Booksbythebed · 12/12/2022 07:23

I think you should go and pay the fine.

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