best way of responding to manipulative sibling at Christmas

[moreparmesan]

no/minimal contact is not really an option. she makes me feel extremely uneasy and i do not relax around her. there’s no genuine emotion behind her eyes and she lies often to manipulate people, usually by accusing them of something they have not done and then accusing them of gaslighting her if they deny this. in the interests of keeping the family peace we will be spending more time with her than usual at Christmas.

i am not the most confident socially and could use a toolkit of ways to minimise conflict and not give her the reactions/drama she desires

if you’ve got a relative like this do you play them at their own game, ignore them altogether or something else?

Ignore, say very little, never tell her anything about your self, if she starts something just walk away and do not engage. You owe her nothing.

Always remember, you are a grown woman yourself. Learning to say “no” is a really useful thing. It’s just a matter of how you say it.

”Umm, no”.

“God no”.

“Nah, I’m not doing that”.

“Yeah? Nope”.

“Really? Oh. Umm” change subject/walk away.
”No, no. You carry on”. And say nothing else.

it takes two people to enter into a discussion but you never have to be one of those two people. If sitting in silence is your preferred option, you can do that too. She is not Entitled to a piece of your mind. She might want it but that’s not the same thing.

Oh, and throwing a pity party only works if there is an audience. Don’t be that audience. And, of course you can make a bingo card of all the things she says and does and keep excusing yourself to go and cross another square off.

That sounds really difficult. Why is she spending more time with you? Will she be staying at your home? Who else will be there when she's there, and have they got her sussed?