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Original poster

Why must everything be a game?

37 replies

Auntiedear · 11/12/2022 00:27

My partner and I regularly have our 7 year old niece to stay which we both really enjoy.

The one thing I do find frustrating though is that absolutely everything has to be some sort of game!

Going upstairs to get ready for bed involves crawling on all fours or deciding to go upstairs backwards. Getting dressed is accompanied with doing high kicks or pretending to fall over.

We do play games with her (particularly imagination type games) as well as do activities together but sometimes I just want her to get dressed without it involving gymnastics!

Is this typical 7 year old behaviour or do I need to be firmer?

I should add we do always accomplish the task but it just takes a lot more of my (mental) energy than I'd like. I don't have any children of my own (am currently TTC) so fully appreciate that I don't have much experience in this area.

Any thoughts on how to handle? She is very sensitive and gets angry / upset easily as well so I always try to keep things calm emotionally.

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 11/12/2022 01:25

Sounds pretty normal tbh.

Direct the play into more helpful behaviours e.g. race to see if she can get dressed before you count to 20,

Original poster

Auntiedear · 11/12/2022 01:28

Stompythedinosaur · 11/12/2022 01:25

Sounds pretty normal tbh.

Direct the play into more helpful behaviours e.g. race to see if she can get dressed before you count to 20,

That's good to know!! And yes, she does love a race so I'll definitely try that. I think maybe I just need to work with her energy and not against it.

OP posts:

icegoose · 11/12/2022 01:52

Dc learn through play.
Yes, it can be blinking annoying sometimes.
But if it gets you to the end point without tears it isn't a bad outcome.
I agree with using it to your advantage as much as possible.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families

Ponderingwindow · 11/12/2022 01:59

Completely normal.
if she is accomplishing the tasks and still having fun you are having a good day.

taking care of a child all day is exhausting. Sometimes you just don’t feel like talking or just want to do something in the most expedient way possible, but that just isn’t how it works with young children.

miceonabranch · 11/12/2022 06:55

I don't think they did this back in the 80s. And before anyone says that children were hit back in the 80s, it wasn't compulsory.

FleasNavidad · 11/12/2022 06:58

"I don't think they did this back in the 80s. And before anyone says that children were hit back in the 80s, it wasn't compulsory."

Weird comment. Yes it's normal and yes, I was wheelbarrowed up to bed every night in the 80s (that's a form of play not smacking for the hard of thinking)

Applecottagetree · 11/12/2022 07:05

Kids are annoying, yes. Everything is a game and they don't do anything without dicking about or completely ignoring you!

Sparkletastic · 11/12/2022 07:48

Do her parents always indulge this sort of behaviour or is she trying her luck with you?

BertieBotts · 11/12/2022 07:59

By 7 I wasn't having to do this constantly. 3 or 4 yes. And DS1 has ADHD so he was a bit slower off the mark/harder to entice to do boring things.

Do you think you might have accidentally set up as "the fun auntie" and so she expects it from you whereas she wouldn't for her parents? She is unlikely to want it to continue forever, so one approach might be to wait it out as it will make great memories one day.

Another is to just replace it with something else. 7 year olds are still pretty gullible and they are very interested by being grown up. Do you have maybe a book of stories that's a bit older that she might enjoy? Or a story you enjoyed as a child in the 7-10 age range that you could get a copy of, and present it as "Auntie is getting a bit too old to hop and jump, but if you get changed nice and quickly, we can read from my special book" (You need to big up the book previously).

SmileyClare · 11/12/2022 08:14

You don't always have to indulge her games. Sometimes you can take charge ..."we don't have time for mucking about today if we're going out"

She gets angry/upset easily
It sounds as though you're frightened of saying No to her. Kids love firm boundaries. It won't spoil your relationship

It's lovely that you prioritise her when she's stays but don't let her call all the shots.

You're having a baby soon and its not practical to feel you have to play continuously with dn because you don't want her to get angry or upset if you occasionally say No.

Skyeheather · 11/12/2022 08:23

DS is 6 and when sent to his room to get dressed or ready for bed, he goes and does it, straight away with no game playing and he can dress himself with no help.

DS 3 needs help getting his clothes on and off but again we don't play games, we just get it done.

Your Niece sounds like hard work! Just send her up to her room to get dressed herself.

Pipsqueakpopsqueak · 11/12/2022 08:24

This is just kids 😂

Life hasn’t crushed their spirits yet.

Bikechic · 11/12/2022 08:37

I found it easier and quicker to go along with those sort of games. The kid does get the task done. A race where you deliberately lose is a good one for speeding things along. Completely sympathize about the amount of mental energy it takes on your part. It is exhausting.

IncompleteSenten · 11/12/2022 08:40

Kids want everything to be a game. That is normal.

Getting their own way all the time and everything actually being a game regardless of the time or where you are or what you're trying to do.
Not normal.

Sometimes they need to be told to knock it off, get upstairs and brush their bloody teeth.

FTY765 · 11/12/2022 08:41

Change the game.
Set an alarm for x amount of minutes and say whoever is ready first wins, or bet her she can't be ready before you do x task.
at 7 she shouldn't need a great deal of help getting dressed etc.

mincepiepie · 11/12/2022 08:41

She's messing about. Being silly. She's probably dramatic and excitable type person opposed to a shy and quiet type person ( not a diagnosis just an observation having taught 1000s of children).

She's maybe also excited to be with you.

If she's generally a nice kid just say "walk sensibly" with a knowing tone to you voice, or eat properly etc. "do you ever slow down" etc

I wasn't like this I was pretty chilled.

isthistoonosy · 11/12/2022 08:48

This isn't normal for a seven yr old IMO. My kids have only had 1 freind like this and even she has learnt we don't do that in this house. We eat our veg, don't scream around the dogs, go home when the adults decide etc. Tbh she seems happier visiting us as she knows all the kids have the same rules.
Just start to bring in boundarys and rules.

Merrow · 11/12/2022 08:54

My niece of a similar age would love to get away with this! Wouldn't be the case in her own home though, so I expect it's seeing you as fun and up for it.

I'd excuse yourself from the situations where your presence seems to lead to games when you're not actually needed - at 7 she can get dressed by herself so just leave her to it. Bedtime I'd probably go along with for the sake of not having a fraught bedtime.

twinkleto · 11/12/2022 09:01

Pipsqueakpopsqueak · 11/12/2022 08:24

This is just kids 😂

Life hasn’t crushed their spirits yet.

Lol brilliant

LadyKenya · 11/12/2022 09:03

This would not work for me. Everything being a game, no. Is she indulged this much at home, I wonder.

Original poster

Auntiedear · 11/12/2022 09:36

Thank you everyone! I think I'm going to try and use her energy to my advantage whilst also asserting some clear expectations.

I agree with comments about her being excited to be here so I've been conscious to take that into consideration - perhaps a bit too much!

From what my DP says things are bit unsettled at home which is why I worry about upsetting her - she seems to get disproportionately upset about things (but then maybe it is proportionate for a 7 year old!) Sometimes she will act upset because she doesn't get her own way but then it escalates to her being genuinely upset. I feel like she hasn't yet learnt how to manage her feelings around disappointment yet.

I'm hoping by the time I'm pregnant we will be a bit more established in a routine etc.

OP posts:

familyissues12345 · 11/12/2022 09:39

Sounds like she's showing off a bit?

gemloving · 11/12/2022 09:41

@miceonabranch the mental health of those having grown up in the 80s is fabulous though isn't it?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 11/12/2022 09:41

miceonabranch · 11/12/2022 06:55

I don't think they did this back in the 80s. And before anyone says that children were hit back in the 80s, it wasn't compulsory.

Well you may have had a boring bedtime but I got flown on the flying pillow up to bed!

It certainly was normal.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 11/12/2022 09:42

familyissues12345 · 11/12/2022 09:39

Sounds like she's showing off a bit?

Yes I agree with this and was my first thought.
She probably won't do quite as much stuff like this with her parents but with you it is exciting and extra fun.

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