Is this fair or is DH taking the piss?

[SweetBabyCheese]

DH has a hobby ; it’s football. He plays for two different amateur teams as one is through work and the other is a team he plays with eldest DS (a family training session).

DH and DS1 attend the family training session three evenings per week for two hours; they’re usually home at 8:45pm.

I’m at home with other two DC. One of which has SEN and is quite reluctant to do anything at all other than his set routine. He can’t be left alone due to his needs and other DC is too young to be left alone so I’m at home with both DC each evening doing the mundane jobs and prepping everything for the next day.

DH then goes to his own training another 2-3 times per week; usually one evening per week and 1-2 sessions on a weekend (for two hours) .

I’m a SAHM but my time is not free as I have DD (often both) to care for, along with running the home and life admin.

I’m fine shouldering the burdens during the day but I’m getting rather resentful about DH and his lifestyle. Although I don’t know if this is because I have cause to be annoyed or whether it’s because I myself have no hobbies and I’m rather bored.

DH has today come home after training and told me he wants to sign up for a charity tournament next year and he’ll need to be at training more of an evening for the next 8 weeks.

I think he’s taking the piss.
DH doesn’t see the issue as I will be at home anyway mid week so he’ll be expected to stay home for the sake of it; which is true.

Does this sound fair? I’ll accept if I’m being unreasonable. I’m very fed up.

Training sessions with DS are “family time/childcare”.

is there nothing you fancy doing one evening? A swim,yoga class, cinema, see a friend, etc? I can see his point as really it’s just the work football that’s causing the problem.

This actually reminds me of a colleague. Every Monday we do the 'how was your weekend' and her Saturdays are always 'DH babysat in the morning while she did the big shop then she took the kids out in the afternoon whilst he played golf'. Never heard her complain about it so she must be fine with it but it doesn't sound equal to me.

I can see why he wnts ro do both teams. One is an activity with his child and one is a hobby for him. But the amount of time it takes is unreasonable.

It's a systemic issue. The family football doesn't need to be 2 - 3 times a week. The organisers don't value the input of the parent who is doing all the work at home either.

I think this is going to he a hard one to address.

I think you need to find a hobby out of the home - a dance class, community choir, something like that which will give you soon time to yourself.

I play in a band. It's my protected time. We practice once a week, sometimes twice and have gigs at (not every) weekends. My boyfriend is the same but they are social events as we go to each other's gigs. But I wouldn't dream of committing myself to something several nights week. I was to spend time with him and my daughter!

This is a bit blurry because 3 of the evenings he's doing an activity with DS. Presumably he wouldn't be going to it if DS wasn't into football? And it's a big unfair to tell him he has to curtail his own activities because he's supporting a child's. Does he have to stay at this every time? Why can't you go instead on one or two of the evenings?

Other than that I agree that you need to sit with DH and work out both when you get time to yourself and when you get family time/time as a couple.

I think he’s taking the piss.
DH doesn’t see the issue as I will be at home anyway mid week so he’ll be expected to stay home for the sake of it; which is true.

Or you know he could stay at home to be a fucking parent and have an actual relationship with his children. It not like one of you has to stay in in case a parcel arrives ffs, its parenting your children.

He's being an arse

My BIL played football twice a week pre DC. That's 2 games a week so maybe 3 or 4 hours all in. When DC came along, he dropped one of them as he didn't think it fair to leave SIL with DC TWICE a week. Your DH is being very very very very selfish.

Completely unfair I doubt anyone even professionals train that much!

He’s totally selfish - this is an obsession not a hobby. He should ditch the work team at least.

Depends what he gets anything out of "family training".

I used to run a Brownie unit. Because basically the unit would have folded if I didn't and I wanted DD to be able to go. This involved at least 2 hours every week for the meeting, plus maybe an hour's planning time, plus ad-hoc other meetings.
Yes, it was personally rewarding as well, but I was doing it mostly for DD!

If DH had told me I had to drop a personal hobby due the time I spent on this, I would not have been particularly happy.

If OP had phrased her post as "DH is out 3 evenings a week because he takes DS to an activity and has to stay while he does the activity" - would you still say that is selfish?

Does everyone go to the training twice a week? Maybe they could drop one session?

Posts like these are hard to read because you know the selfish fucker won't change his ways - because he is a selfish fucker.

Does he actually want to be married or have a family life? Because that's what he's opting out of.

Don't spend your evenings doing jobs. Leave them for him to get on with. Do something more rewarding.