Pretty sure I have ADHD, but what difference does it make to know for sure?

PoppingOutForMilk · 2022-12-10T07:14:40+00:00

Or at least ADD, or inattentive ADHD. I tick a lot of the boxes. No formal diagnosis but I live abroad and it’s not a “thing” for adults here, plus language barriers etc. I could probably go private, but what difference would a formal diagnosis make? I guess I could access medication but is that it? A friend of mine has been diagnosed and says her meds are amazing, but they are short-lived (lasts not quite a day) and her heart needs monitoring because of side effects. Not sure that the meds sound worth it on that basis. And tbh I am worried about being assessed and it NOT being ADHD and instead finding out I’m just shit!

Original poster

PoppingOutForMilk · 12/12/2022 19:44

Hopeful bump

OP posts:

Laurdo · 14/12/2022 22:54

Adult ADHD symptoms, especially in women seems to be tending just now. I've seen loads on social media about it and I too seem to have most of the symptoms. I'm not interested in a formal diagnosis though. Although being medicated may help me in some aspects like focusing on work better, I fear it would change who I am. I manage to function reasonably well, hold down a job, run a household etc so I don't feel like it's impacting my life negatively enough to do anything about it.

Of course if you feel your life is being negatively affected it may be worth looking into.

decayingmatter · 14/12/2022 23:06

I take adhd medication and I find that it has very little effect. It has much more of an effect upon children

FetlocksBlowingInTheWind · 14/12/2022 23:56

The diagnosis helps you to understand yourself better and work out why you are the way you are.

It can also mean you can get support such as a work coach via Access to Work. I did this and it was incredible helpful.

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 15/12/2022 00:06

Life-changing for me. In an instant I stopped trying to ‘fix’ myself, stopped berating myself for being ‘different’.
I could take drugs, but don’t want to. I liked myself lots before; now i still like myself just the same, but i am also at peace with my vulnerabilities.

underthemike · 15/12/2022 00:18

I know someone who has recently been diagnosed. They now take meds (usually just during the work week) I haven't any personality change, apart from they seem more stable emotionally. They are definitely more focused at work.

They have inspired me to try the meds, my main concerns are short-term memory, motivation & fatigue (I assume I have due to be masking).
Those traits aren't really my personality.

It's not necessary to take meds, especially if your life is in control and you are managing well.

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 06:39

I’m struggling a bit to rationalize things - my instagram feed is full of adhd stuff now and a lot of the things that come up on there are so me, but there’s a big part of me thinking “Well surely everyone is a bit like that?….That’s not adhd, that’s just the reality of being a FT working mum who’s always been a bit scatty…. Do non-ADHDers really not struggle with the same stuff??”

So maybe you’re right that the formal diagnosis would help me understand it more.

Are meds really the only solution?

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 06:41

I really struggle with motivation and fatigue too. Definitely don’t have the “hyper” piece.

I live abroad so accessing support is a little more complex. And I think it’s not as advanced here, or recognized.

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 06:45

And I’m not sure I am managing well tbh. But I think I’ve been so used to operating this way that I’m used to it, though feeling more and more worn down by fog, slothishness, and if there is a way to feel “clearer” I think I’m at the point where I would try.

cherriegarcia · 16/12/2022 06:49

It could help you be at peace with who you are/ not beat yourself up about things if you do.

In terms of actual support though, it's pretty variable. There's medication.

But there's a lot of guidance/ self help strategies you can get online if you just google adult ADD, so really there's no need for a diagnosis if you don't want medication and aren't worried about needing a diagnosis for 'accepting yourself'.

cherriegarcia · 16/12/2022 06:52

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 06:39

I’m struggling a bit to rationalize things - my instagram feed is full of adhd stuff now and a lot of the things that come up on there are so me, but there’s a big part of me thinking “Well surely everyone is a bit like that?….That’s not adhd, that’s just the reality of being a FT working mum who’s always been a bit scatty…. Do non-ADHDers really not struggle with the same stuff??”

So maybe you’re right that the formal diagnosis would help me understand it more.

Are meds really the only solution?

ADD/ ADHD is different to being a bit scatty - in the same way depression is different to feeling a bit low.

There are some symptoms that a lot of people will tick the boxes for, but that doesn't mean they have ADD/ ADHD.

ittakes2 · 16/12/2022 06:53

I don’t take meds but I find it really helpful to know. I give myself permission that it’s ok I am not good at certain things. Also I explain to people I need X due to my adhd - or I have adhd and sorry I have forgotten to do X and people are compassionate.

ittakes2 · 16/12/2022 06:56

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 06:39

I’m struggling a bit to rationalize things - my instagram feed is full of adhd stuff now and a lot of the things that come up on there are so me, but there’s a big part of me thinking “Well surely everyone is a bit like that?….That’s not adhd, that’s just the reality of being a FT working mum who’s always been a bit scatty…. Do non-ADHDers really not struggle with the same stuff??”

So maybe you’re right that the formal diagnosis would help me understand it more.

Are meds really the only solution?

I think people who have always been a bit scatty are a bit scatty for a reason and might not be adhd but it is a trait.

Delabruche · 16/12/2022 06:57

I am the same and also abroad where it's not really a thing. I don't know if it's due to menopause but all my strategies for coping with distractions/forgetfulness/ being on edge are failing me atm.

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 07:17

ittakes2 · 16/12/2022 06:56

I think people who have always been a bit scatty are a bit scatty for a reason and might not be adhd but it is a trait.

Show quote history

It’s not just scattiness. I procrastinate a lot, find it extremely difficult to start tasks, then hyperfocus, then get distracted and am terrible at finishing jobs. Watching my husband move methodically between each complete task always totally astounds me.

I was reading something about adhd and object permanence (or lack of) and this has really clicked for me.

It’s not having a terrible impact on my life, but it is a lot of low level stuff on a daily basis that I think is starting to get me down. Also missed a big appointment recently which has shocked me as I’ve always worked really hard to remember any appointments.

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 07:17

Delabruche · 16/12/2022 06:57

I am the same and also abroad where it's not really a thing. I don't know if it's due to menopause but all my strategies for coping with distractions/forgetfulness/ being on edge are failing me atm.

snap

MattDillonsEyebrows · 16/12/2022 07:22

Me too, I’m currently on the waiting list, have been a year and I’m pretty sure it’ll be at least another year. I was the same, seeing loads on SM and all online assessments came up with highly probable positive result of ADHD.

My big thing is tidiness, even though I hate a mess at house and feel so much more comfortable when it is tidy I rarely do it. I literally don’t invite people round because my house is always a shithole and I’m so embarrassed about it.
But I have the same dilemma about whether a diagnosis will help. I have never been tidy even as a child, and I can’t imagine what it’s like to be able to actually put things away and have a permanently clean house, so I can’t imagine taking medication and suddenly having this ability.
It actually scares me if that makes any sense at all?

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 07:25

My use of the word scatty was not to minimize by the way.

But the more I see (albeit on the likes of instagram) the more I feel that my “traits” are beyond being a bit scatty.

For years I’ve been berating myself for being lazy and/or disorganized and/or faffy. And discussions with my husband about why the most basic of tasks seem to overwhelm me and how it often feels IMPOSSIBLE to get started / motivated / do what needs to be done.

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 07:32

MattDillonsEyebrows · 16/12/2022 07:22

Me too, I’m currently on the waiting list, have been a year and I’m pretty sure it’ll be at least another year. I was the same, seeing loads on SM and all online assessments came up with highly probable positive result of ADHD.

My big thing is tidiness, even though I hate a mess at house and feel so much more comfortable when it is tidy I rarely do it. I literally don’t invite people round because my house is always a shithole and I’m so embarrassed about it.
But I have the same dilemma about whether a diagnosis will help. I have never been tidy even as a child, and I can’t imagine what it’s like to be able to actually put things away and have a permanently clean house, so I can’t imagine taking medication and suddenly having this ability.
It actually scares me if that makes any sense at all?

Definitely makes sense!!

DH is “naturally” tidy, puts things away etc without any effort at all. I watch with awe!

I can’t imagine what it’s like to not be how I am. I’m also scared that I’ll regret all of the lost time to date where maybe I could’ve done things differently.

My dad died a few years ago and he was one for giving instructions - directions to a destination, how to do something on the computer, how to solve a problem and I would totally lose the thread of what he was saying and got I would give anything to go bank in time and really listen to him.

Delabruche · 16/12/2022 07:51

My dad died a few years ago and he was one for giving instructions - directions to a destination, how to do something on the computer, how to solve a problem and I would totally lose the thread of what he was saying and got I would give anything to go bank in time and really listen to him.
I know what you mean about losing the thread. I have always found mental arithmetic hard because I can't hold anything much in my short term memory. It just slips away.

Mabelface · 16/12/2022 08:19

My diagnosis and medication has transformed my life. I'm not just shit. I can now focus, no more highs or lows. My anxiety has gone as my brain is much quieter, which has led to my ibs disappearing.

My work performance has rocketed. I was always good at my job before, but now I'm flying. It no longer takes me up to 2 hours to get started in the morning.

I'm less impulsive, so spend less money.

The only downside is that I can't drink my usual jug of coffee in the morning as caffeine has had to go.

FunctionalSkills · 16/12/2022 08:22

Posting ti follow later after work!

coodawoodashooda · 16/12/2022 08:25

HoppyMoppy · 16/12/2022 06:39

I’m struggling a bit to rationalize things - my instagram feed is full of adhd stuff now and a lot of the things that come up on there are so me, but there’s a big part of me thinking “Well surely everyone is a bit like that?….That’s not adhd, that’s just the reality of being a FT working mum who’s always been a bit scatty…. Do non-ADHDers really not struggle with the same stuff??”

So maybe you’re right that the formal diagnosis would help me understand it more.

Are meds really the only solution?

I wonder this too.

Laurdo · 16/12/2022 10:49

MattDillonsEyebrows · 16/12/2022 07:22

Me too, I’m currently on the waiting list, have been a year and I’m pretty sure it’ll be at least another year. I was the same, seeing loads on SM and all online assessments came up with highly probable positive result of ADHD.

My big thing is tidiness, even though I hate a mess at house and feel so much more comfortable when it is tidy I rarely do it. I literally don’t invite people round because my house is always a shithole and I’m so embarrassed about it.
But I have the same dilemma about whether a diagnosis will help. I have never been tidy even as a child, and I can’t imagine what it’s like to be able to actually put things away and have a permanently clean house, so I can’t imagine taking medication and suddenly having this ability.
It actually scares me if that makes any sense at all?

My house is pretty much always tidy but I think that's because I live with my partner. I do most of the tidying so it's not tidy because he does it but more so because I don't want him to think I'm a riot. Or my step-daughter to go back and tell her mother our house is a mess Lol.

When I lived on my own I was definitely messier and would do a mad run around if someone was coming round. My dressing room was a coup. Whenever I cooked it was like a bomb had gone off. I'm still a bit like that sometimes but try to make a conscious effort to clean as I go now. My car is always a bin and when I worked in an office I used to get pulled up for the state of my desk.

Living in a messy environment does stress me out, but when I was on my own despite this I'd still avoid tidying it. Or I'd go all in and do a deep clean, couches pulled out etc. It was all or nothing.

MistletoeMouse · 16/12/2022 10:56

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 15/12/2022 00:06

Life-changing for me. In an instant I stopped trying to ‘fix’ myself, stopped berating myself for being ‘different’.
I could take drugs, but don’t want to. I liked myself lots before; now i still like myself just the same, but i am also at peace with my vulnerabilities.

I'd agree with this.

(I'm Autistic and Dyspraxic with some ADD traits)

OP, it might he worth looking at the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board. This is a question that gets asked all the time.