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Original poster

40th birthday - should it be special?

48 replies

Alertthecorgis · 09/12/2022 18:27

I’m due to turn 40 soon. Over FB I see people having big parties and doing big grand things. I have two children both with Sen who have significant difficulties (both at specialist schools) so life in pretty hard work. I’ve never really been a big birthday person. Has anyone else had a low key “big” birthday?

OP posts:

Notplayingball · 09/12/2022 19:07

I did an M&S dine in for two meal with DH with a birthday cake from there too to celebrate at home. We watched a movie in the afternoon together as DC were at school.

Low key which was what I wanted.

sanityisamyth · 09/12/2022 19:11

NoelNoNoel · 09/12/2022 18:45

Im due to turn 40 in February. I have no one to organise anything for me, and I'm a single mum to an 8 year old. I think it will go past without anybody noticing
I always organise my own birthdays then I get to do exactly what I really want to do.

I wouldn't say I've got many friends to do anything with so it's a bit pointless really.

SheldonsShoulder · 09/12/2022 19:15

Do something special. It doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to be expensive. But do something special. You made it to 40 and that’s something to celebrate. Not everyone makes it to 40 and you need to focus on the positives when you can. Have a lovely birthday OP whatever you do.

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Events & celebrations

Stickortwister · 09/12/2022 19:18

I think the best thing about turning 40 is that you start to have the confidence to do whatever YOU want to do to make it special. I ( pre covid) went to my favourite italian city all by myself. I had a very long day with early flights there and late ones back. I bimbled around by myself, went around a museum at my.own pace and sat with my lunch and watched the world go by. I would have hated a party, and whilst I love my husband and children I also really like my own company.

So I give you permission to plan your perfect (within budget ) day and celebrate being a 40 year old woman.

BogRollBOGOF · 09/12/2022 19:52

I went to a playground. There weren't many legal options!
At least there was a break in the weather and it was as pleasant as it gets at that time of year.

I'm not sure what I'd have done if I'd had a free choice. At the back of my mind was doing a joint trip for DH's birthday later in the year and putting it out to see what friends would be interested in joining in, but there was no point in attempting to plan anything sociable in the end because life was too uncertain to be worth any plans.

Pedallleur · 09/12/2022 20:03

Mine was when on holiday in the US. I was 40 in Tucson and my mum had sent a birthday card to the hotel. Just a card but even now I think about that and tear up. Just a great memory of that birthday. It was hot weather in October, a nice hotel and a surprise card.

POTC · 09/12/2022 20:09

My 40th was in Feb, I'm an outdoor swimmer so I arranged to go to a Lido I'd never been to for swim & sauna with some other local swimmers. Low key but memorable.

MuggleMe · 09/12/2022 22:19

My 40th is in a couple of years. I'd like a meal with whoever can come, but mostly I'm hoping for a couple of night city break somewhere like Prague or Bruges without the kids.

Norma27 · 10/12/2022 05:58

My 40th birthday evening was spent in church for my daughter’s carol concert.
i can’t think of anything worse than having a big do, and luckily my husband is the same. No parties for his 40th or 50th either.

WandaWonder · 10/12/2022 06:08

On the day I had what I wanted for dinner, wewent away a little after for a mini break so said to myself it was for my 40th

I don't make decisions by social media, I hate parties so didn't have one as I didn't want one

BatshitCrazyWoman · 10/12/2022 06:09

I'll be 60 in a year and a half 😱 and I'm planning already! Not a party person at all, so I'm planning on a trip to Italy, possibly to see some open air opera (will go on my own as no one I know likes opera), and then some other lovely treats over the course of my birthday month.

I was in my horrible abusive marriage for my 40th, and it passed without any recognition 🙁 I was mid-divorce for my 50th, and had a stay in a spa hotel with a small group of friends. I want to go bigger for my 60th 😂

abblie · 10/12/2022 06:23

I turned 40 in lockdown my parents arranged a surprise party for me but it all had to be cancelled we ended up having a 'bubble' bbq and drinks and it was brilliant

MinnieMountain · 10/12/2022 06:23

I went to Rome with DH for my 40th. Loved it.

SpecialTowels · 10/12/2022 06:26

OP I am a lone parent to two SEN kids. I organised a babysitter and invited a load of friends old and from the last few years and had a meal out. They made a huge effort for me and made it feel so special, maybe 20 of us in total. It was perfect.

Margo34 · 10/12/2022 06:29

Ponypitter · 09/12/2022 18:40

I had a week old baby and went for a brunch somewhere. I don't feel under any pressure to do birthdays. I've never enjoyed the pressure - even as a child.

This will be me when DH turns 40, with a toddler in tow too! My DH will be celebrating with nightly wakings and nappy changes! His own fault for not wanting to start a family sooner 😂

InMySpareTime · 10/12/2022 06:32

I invited friends and neighbours to my house for a book swap party across an afternoon and evening. It was fairly low key and I ended up with a load more books. I think about 40-50 people came but there were never more than 10-15 at any one time.

Dorsetdingle77 · 10/12/2022 06:38

My 40th was in lockdown so we just had a takeaway at home (I did dress up for the occasion!). I dont know enough people for a party so I was almost relieved that the pressure was off. I'm planning on being out of the country for my 50th!

UseOfWeapons · 10/12/2022 06:40

I went to work on my 40th. Most of my friends were working and my close family away on holiday. I had a great birthday, and a couple of mates came round in the evening and brought cake!
I had several little celebrations, separately, with each friend, and family, as it wasn’t possible or desirable to have everyone together. That way, my birthday lasted about 3 months. But then, I’m not a party person. 🤷🏽‍♂️

DinosApple · 10/12/2022 06:48

I didn't organise anything myself but some friends booked a bottomless brunch for the weekend before which was so, so lovely.

DH & I took the kids to London for the day the weekend after- I wanted to go round the galleries. That was great.

The day itself was somewhat hampered by the fact I needed to work as a school TA and I couldn't afford to take unpaid leave.
So on the actual day it was 'one of those days' a bit and I ended up clearing vomit up.

My parents came over in the evening, my mum brought over my absolute favourite curry which she cooked in advance, and my dad brought over a big bottle of fizz. DH put up banners and balloons and baked a cake with the DC.

So despite it being quite lo key in that there was no huge party, I got to do lots of lovely things and celebrate with all my favourite people.

mondaytosunday · 10/12/2022 06:52

I had a lovely 40th that my fiancé organised. He has passed away by my 50th, so I organised dinner out with friends. As I did on my 60th last year.
It's up to you how to celebrate- if life is too overwhelming don't feel bad not doing much but it would be nice if your partner did something to mark it, even if it's just arranging a special dinner.

ImOutOfTouch · 10/12/2022 07:07

It was lockdown. Loads of people came to the door or sent cards etc. It was great because nobody could come in.

I'm a bit awkward about birthdays anyway. I think parties for adults are odd.

AclowncalledAlice · 10/12/2022 07:55

My birthday is December 25th....so no chance of it ever being anything more than low-key really.

Kattouswhiskers · 10/12/2022 08:21

Mine was during the second lockdown. I went for a long run on my own and had a fancier than usual takeaway. Thought we would make up for it the following year but I actually had covid that birthday. It's really fine.

Trying for 42! It's just before half term and we have a family holiday planned. The moment for a party seems to have passed. I had a lovely joint 30th with a friend where we hired a big house and partied all weekend but to be honest now everyone has kids and is skint I don't think we could do that again.

I usually have a weekend away with 2 good friends near all of our birthdays- just an airbnb. That's pretty low key- it's the winter so usually cheap.

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