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Original poster

I'm not a good mum

15 replies

SharkAttack200 · 09/12/2022 13:01

I have a 6 month old, teething. But even before she hasn't slept through the night, always waking multiple times for a cuddle or dummy but nothing is wrong. Lately she will wake multiple times. And on at least one of those occasions she'll stay awake for 1-2 hours. I'm also working full time in a complex job, but at home, so I'm still around for her (she has my DP as childcare also in house). I'm exhausted.

Through the day she goes from happy and a great baby to the most whiny noise.

And I'm so ashamed to say I hate it. Her refusing to stay asleep and that noise drives me up the wall. At 3am this morning I was rocking her and crying, knowing I'd get no more sleep again today. I've told her to shut up more than once and I hate myself for it.

I love her so much. She's also a sweet loving baby. I would never hurt her. But I'm finding it so hard and losing all of my patience. I'm a terrible mum and I hate myself for it.

OP posts:
BobbyBobbyBobby · 09/12/2022 13:03

What exactly is your partner doing as it doesn’t sound like much?

Cheeseandhoney · 09/12/2022 13:05

What is your partner doing, why are you doing it all?

also speak to your gp to ensure this is just exhaustion and not pnd.

key here though is to work with your partner to split it. You doing it all is unacceptable

Original poster
SharkAttack200 · 09/12/2022 14:57

DP is great with her, he gets up about as much as I do! The difference is when I get up, he will/can stay asleep. Even if he's the one walking with her to try to get her back down, i wake up and stay up until she's asleep. Not on purpose!

Also he watches her pretty much my entire working day so of course when I finish I want to see her and give him a break. It does sadly mean though that it feels like I never get a real break - always either working or parenting. Which I know is the job! I just wasn't expecting to find it so hard.

OP posts:

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ThanksAntsThants · 09/12/2022 14:59

That doesn’t make you a bad mom, it makes you a pretty normal mom of a small baby. Having babies is hard, it’s exhausting, and mostly quite boring and thankless. Don’t worry, hang in there, pretty soon they get more interesting. Not necessarily easier, but more interesting.

MsFrog · 09/12/2022 15:02

I don't think you hate your baby, I think you are sick of feeling knackered, sick of having no time for yourself, and irritating by the baby's (completely normal yet) irritating behaviour.

Try not to feel too bad. Having a baby is a massive adjustment to your life, it takes a long time to get used to how different things are once you're a parent. I've told my kids to shut up loads of times, including when they were tiny babies, and I love them immeasurably. But I don't always love being a parent.

Try to carve out some space and time for yourself, and support your partner to do that for themselves too so you feel like you're a team rather than resenting the other having a break.

Hang in there, it gets easier when they are older. I had a bad sleeper as my firstborn, so I know how hard and relentless it all feels sometimes ❤️

OatFox · 09/12/2022 15:02

You're not a bad mum, you're just exhausting. Parenting, especially in the early years, is relentless and working alongside is HARD. You need time out away from work AND away from the baby. Your husband too. Is there anyone to watch them for a few hours while you go for a coffee, shopping, or the cinema by yourself?

CoodleMoodle · 09/12/2022 15:11

I used to feel like this too OP, and it was all down to lack of sleep. Happened with DD and then with DS, but I was more prepared the second time! As soon as both of them started sleeping properly, it changed absolutely everything. Sometimes I still struggle (8&4 now) but for the most part it's lovely.

I hope it gets better for you soon Flowers

Wronglane · 09/12/2022 15:15

I used to swear at my baby and hate myself, now he’s 7 and lovely and we get on with no need of swearing! Babies are fucking frustrating!

ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 09/12/2022 15:26

My youngest didn't sleep and I remember shouting at her to go to fucking sleep during many a hard night. I felt awful and hated myself but now, six years down the line, I can see it for what it was - exhaustion.

You are in the thick of it, stop beating yourself up.

Perihelion · 09/12/2022 15:33

Do you have somewhere else in your home, you can sleep some nights, away from DP and the baby? That and earplugs saved my sanity when I was completely sleep deprived.

Choconut · 09/12/2022 16:59

God I hate babies, worst year of my life. Terrible two's, teens, anything is better than babies. Honestly it will get better I promise.

Lndnmummy · 09/12/2022 17:40

OP you are exhausted. Having a baby is often awful. I found it nearly broke me, twice. My husband and I started taking a night each when we got incredibly sleep deprived. It was hard at first for me to switch off but I took a nytol, ear plugs amd eye mask and eventually I managed to retrain myself to sleep again. It helped me enormously during a sleepless night to know I would have the following night 'off'.

it is so hard. Be kind to yourself

Zanatdy · 09/12/2022 18:49

It’s normal for the whining / crying to get to you at times. My DS2 cried so much, it was the hardest time. He’s 18 now and just done his first time at Uni and is the best kid ever, never caused me a day’s trouble. Hang on in there, it does get easier. A few times I had to put him in the cot safely and go and take 5 mins. It doesn’t make you a bad parent.

SusiePevensie · 09/12/2022 19:21

Ok - you need to prioritise sleep. If you're taking turns with night wakings, sleep in different rooms if at all possible. When it's your turn to have the night off, put ear plugs in. When you are on shift might be worth having a mattress on the floor in the kids' room so you cam just lie down there - ikea sell ok ones for not much at all.

PerfectPrepPrincess · 09/12/2022 19:24

Babies aren't meant to sleep through the night... you'll be lucky if they do 8hrs by 12 months on average!

You're not an awful mum just a tired one.

You need more realistic expectations of the sleep expected for the age of your baby, have a Google xx

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