Can 7-8 year olds be toxic?

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Name changed, hear me out. I have two dc, 12 year old with sen who has quite complex needs. Dd 7, nearly 8 who also has additional needs, mainly academically, she has global developmental delay too. Her needs are more subtle. This post is about my 7 year old Dd and her friend.. I don't know whether this is normal childhood behaviour from DD's friend for a 7/8 year old or not.

I teach my kids to be kind but also to stick up for themselves and speak up if needed.

despite Dd having some extra needs, she's very sociable, very kind and seems popular around her peers. Her teacher said she's very likeable in the class. There are some lovely children in her class but Dd and another girl are particularly close. We will call her friend Daisy. I try and encourage Dd to be friends with everyone and not be so attached to Daisy.

Daisy is quite bossy and over powering. Dd is a bit of a doormat, a bit like me, a lot of things go over her head. Daisy's mum is also a bit bossy and over powering.

anyway, I've noticed a few things about Daisy recently.

dd struggles physically and cannot ride a bike. Daisy always brings up that Dd cannot ride a bike and she can. Dd is also quite slow on her feet, Dd can ride a scooter but Daisy told her recently she can't ride properly like her, I said that Dd can ride perfectly fine.

a while ago they are at a party and there was no set food time, the kids were just told to help themselves whenever they felt like it. Dd grabbed a bit of food right at the end and Daisy said, do you really need more food to Dd. Dd put the food back... I told her to pick it back up again. Handling food and putting back isn't good either.

dd is slightly bigger than her peers, she's pretty tall and broad (like me!). Daisy is petite like her mum and on one occasion recently Daisy made a comment about how small she was compared to Dd, that Dd is bigger and she could have dd's old clothes that don't fit Dd anymore (she doesn't get DD's old clothes).

on another occasion they were walking home from school together (they also live on the same street as us so often this happens) and Daisy announced to someone that Dd has 'easy books' at school and she's 3 levels above Dd. She then asks Dd why she goes to year 2 for phonics. Dd has extra support at school.

she's also belittled my older child before.

this is just a few examples I can think of. It's been going on for a while.

I think dd is that used to it and takes it without standing up for herself. I was very much the same as a kid but I teach my own kids to stand their ground and I advocate for them too.

I don't know what else to do. Dd seems attached to her, I tell Dd to be friends with everyone because some of the girls in her class seem much nicer. But seems attached to Daisy.

I am planning to speak to their teacher and ask them if she notices anything. I think maybe daisy has trouble making friends - maybe because she acts this way to others? But Dd is a pushover so she's overly attached to Dd too?

we try and meet up with the other children from her class and encourage friendships. But it's not always easy when you have kids with sen.

I feel like we can't get away from Dd and this friendship. They live a couple doors down and they go school together!

There's one on our street. We avoid her. Her parents don't realise how awful she is even though lots of people have had issues with her. Good luck to them when she hits the teen years and stops hiding it from them!

The girl isn't toxic, but her behaviour is, when combined with a specific type of child. I work in schools and this dynamic pops up quite frequently and the same role is played by each child.
Daisy and the chosen friend/friends tend to gravitate to each other, for specific but different reasons. Daisy is in search of a friend who she can "outshine" on all levels, be it academically or in extra curricular activities, in clothes, toys, birthday parties etc. She won't befriend confident socially clever children, and more importantly they won't be friends with her because of her "needy" behaviour. She lacks the self confidence to be friendly and self assured with the larger group and usually selects 1 or 2 either shyer or emotionally younger girls to befriend. These girls are usually kind lovely and friendly children who easily accept the friendship of Daisy. They don't notice Daisy's crocodile tears when they want to sit next to someone else on the bus, they feel sorry for her. They believe Daisy will be sad if they aren't always her partner or carry her bag or sit with someone else at lunch. After some time they believe that Daisy is a true bff and want to be like her because, as she so often points out, is simply " better".

It's so difficult because this stage is known for close friendships when in reality Daisy's friends would benefit from more less intense friendships.
If you can encourage your dd to widen friendship group and hopefully she will be spared some of the intensities the Daisies of t he world generate.

Thanks all, maybe toxic wasn't the right word. But I wasn't sure how to phrase it. It seems to be passive aggression rather than direct nastiness.

I will definitely encourage Dd to be friends with other children, which I have been anyway!