Grandparent not interested

[mum7493]

Really down, yet again it's coming up to our eldest son's birthday and Christmas and we try and plan do have a birthday party, but my partners mum doesn't want to know. She doesn't want to see the children on their birthday or at Christmas. The only time she sees them is when we take them to see her and even then, I don't know if she wants them there. It gets me and my partner really down because she also has two other adult children, eldest has a drug problem which she encourages by given her money to buy it. Then another son who 24years old and has moved his girlfriend in because, she got "kicked out" her parents house. However, she adores them drive them to work, does their shopping, pays their bills, does there washing, cooks their dinner etc.

So, this year we're invited her over for birthday party and Christmas. But her response is she'll just video call, she hasn't come over to see them since February we always have to take the children over. She says it's too expensive, it's £30 fuel or £50 flight. My partner has even offered to drive over and pick her up and drop her back. We find it hard because she regularly gives her daughter £50 a week for drugs (probably more) and pays for her other son's girlfriend to live at her house for free. But won't spend it on seeing her grandchildren or other son.

Why would you want your child to be a part of such a toxic family? Sounds like you are all best staying away!

I agree. You can't force this. Surround your lovely children with people who love them.
If a relationship develops later maybe that will be OK; right now it's not there, and frankly she doesn't seem worth the worry.

She either feels ashamed/embarrassed about her other two children and mistakenly feels a warped kind of jealously because your husband has turned out ok and she thinks that you and your husband must think you are better than them..... or....

She dislikes your son for a specific reason and because he is so different from the other siblings he has a different father which she has kept secret.

Whatever the reason she is horrible so just keep away from her.

She likes the broken puppies.

Stay well away.

Agree it sounds very toxic .

It's not nice or fair but it's obviously how she feels.
You can't force her to want to spend time or be interested in your DC.
Drop the rope and start to accept it. Hopefully there is another grandparent on the scene who does take an interest.

Just accept it OP. Her loss. Stop giving it any headspace.

You’re probably all too sane and boring for her 🤣

just leave her to get on with it and don’t involve your kids in the drama

I think you are expecting too much by comparing her grand children to her own children.
She may feel less worried about your dh because he's happy and doing fine too. On the other hand, her other children still needs her help. She sounds like she still enjoys her role as a mother than grand mother.
And I don't think that everyone likes children anyway. It's their loss, but I don't think there's anything you can do. Time to move on and be happy.

Stop trying.
You can't make her into a functioning adult. Why are you trying. That's what you have to ask yourself.

I never understand these threads where people try and force this relationship with unwilling grandparents. Your DC are not losing out if they don't have a relationship with someone who isn't interested in them.