Help~ Recommendation for Parenting Books for Pre-teen (boys)

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I felt wanting to cry the entire evening. Had 3 episodes of confrontations in a row with DS (10) in the 3 hours following after school. That's one fight per hour.

I feel desperate that as if nothing I do is right sometimes. If I do parenting, it would get him to react badly; if I don't do parenting, he's then just lost in his own way before turning around and blaming me for not telling him/helping him. It's been going on for quite a long time. We are doing 11+ tutoring which obviously doesn't help with the tension and his sense of independence (as needing lots of help from me - but absolutely hates being told by me that he's wrong on anything.)

I feel I can't go on like this everyday. I walked out of the house this evening in the freezing air once DH finishes his work - just to get some space to calm down my head and my heart.

I feel resentful but I can't fool myself to think it's "his fault". I know it's a stage and it might get a lot worse in the proper teen years. I'm not particularly a patient person, whilst DS's attitude would only grow. (I remember how defiant I was to my mum - full of attitude!) I fear it will break the bond one day just being like this everyday. I'm desperate but don't know how to handle.

Can anyone recommend some parenting material/books for pre-teen (boys) please?

I'm searching online for any guidance as I'm at my wits end. I've come a cross your post and felt you were going through what I am! Gutted no one responded and I hope you found some support.

I've been breaking down to GP, Crisis line and at work on a regular and feel like I haven't resolved anything. I have changed tactics and reassessed everything to see how I can stop the cycle I'm stuck in but no further forward.

My son is being a typical pre teen (knows best, not listening, doing the exact opposite of what is asked, has a sense of entitlement the world owes him something) I had a seizure in November, which my son witnessed and since then has been belligerent at hone, expelled from school 3 times in as many months. He doesn't have any input to create a solution for us to move forward as a family and I have to negotiate him constantly otherwise nothing gets done.

I genuinely feel he wants me dead. Told in Novemeber stress is triggering seizures and any more seizures could kill me. Since then he is going out of his way to cause stress. A conversation turns into an argument. I didn't get any form of love on my birthday or mother's day. I feel alone and hate being home. This is scarey as family and home was my happy place now I have none.

@Emco27 Hi, so sorry for the situation where you and your DC' relationship end up with.

I haven't found any particular solution for the teen years. It's sometimes really contradictory what he wants. I just try to remember, at this age, their hormones are all over the place. Sometimes, it's not intentional, even it doesn't change the fact that it's hurtful. I read some other people's threads. They all seem to suggest try not to take it personal (I know it's easy to say than done) and don't give too much attention to their bad behaviours. And all sounds that it's hard a few years but eventually they would turn around become a lovely person again once over these horrible teen years.

DS was diagnosed with ADHD last year and finally started his medication in January. Since then, things have improved a bit. Not entirely rifts free, but the scales of them are a lot more manageable. And he's also able to express himself more, instead just resort for either rage or a meltdown. When they are aware of what they feel that drives what they say/do, and they are able/willing to communicate, it earns me some respect for them and I also try to tune down my anger/overreaction sometimes and treat him like a grown up who deserve being treated like an adult (not like a child who's being managed and disciplined). It's far from easy, but it's manageable at the moment. I'm not naive to think things would stay like now. But just have to adapt and see.

Do you think if your DC have some emotional issues he himself is not fully aware which irritate / frustrate him to make him acting out? Please don't think that he doesn't care about you. At this age, confusion and frustration can really drive them do stupid things. They may regret in their heart, but their dignity is too important to let them show. And to preserve their self esteem, they might even go down the wrong path further just to prove it.

Does your DC have any trusted third party relative who can have a chat with him? Not a formal one, but one of those reaching his heart without pressure. Sometimes, a third party can really do wonderful job that we can't, just because of the pressure alone.