Would you actually ask a couple getting married where your invitation to the wedding was?

[ComtesseDeSpair]

I often see threads on here where the OP is posting having discovered that they haven’t been invited to a friend’s wedding, usually after having heard other people talking about it. They’re frequently advised to “check” with the couple marrying whether their invitation hasn’t been forgotten or “lost in the post” - some people advise this in a genuine manner, others suggest to do it passive aggressively to make a point.

Has anyone actually ever done this or recommend somebody they know in real life did so? Is it considered normal for weddings? Is it just an MN thing?! It genuinely wouldn’t occur to me to automatically assume I was invited to a wedding unless it was my absolute best friend or my brother - and the threads I’ve seen it’s often somebody who the OP even admits they don’t consider a very close friend.

I did do once. Bride sent me a "save the date" card but no invitation arrived closer to the time. A mutual friend received an invitation. I was concerned mine had been lost and, if I'm honest, was pissed off I'd saved the date then was bumped off the guest list. I very politely asked and received a brusque response. Don't ask people to save the date if you're not sure you'll invite them. And if you have to reduce numbers, let people know. Piss poor treatment imo. However lovely the day was, the marriage didn't last.

Or they've been taking advice from mumsnet haha!

all the posters saying that it's unnecessary to ask as if you were actually invited there would be a chaseup-for-rsvp contact are wrong.

We were once a long time ago invited to a cousin's wedding who I don't know that well. at the time we had an 18mo toddler who had still bot got the hang of how to sleep and we were utterly exhausted and barely functional. the wedding was 9 hours journey away with some sections where kids were allowed and some sections which were kindly requested to be kept childfree so we were either being asked to do 18 hours of travelling to join in for an hour and then go home, or to find childcare in a remote area for a child who would be very difficult for a stranger to manage. it was such a ridiculous ask that it seemed obvious we couldn't go and frankly I didn't have the emotional energy to cope with composing an explanation as to why we wouldn't be going, and I simply didn't reply. we were never chased for an rsvp. I know it was rude of me not to reply but I was barely functional. I am sure that if that wedding had had any "invitation lost in the post" mistakes then those invitees would never know they had ever been invited.

I've chased one directly with the bride, but I was pretty certain that we were invited as we'd had a couple of conversations about bringing the children (I didn't want to bring them and she wanted her godson to be there). We'd booked a hotel as well.
Turns out it had been sent and we hadn't received it. Children went and were bored within an hour as expected!

I think most people would - perfectly reasonably - assume they were invited to a wedding if they’d received a save the date card.

No there are so many reasons why I may not have been invited. I’d not be concerned really unless it was a close friend/family etc

I asked once: we’d been sent a “save the date” but then were not invited! I was really embarrassed.

Omg zombie