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Original poster

Aspirational parenting, lighthearted!

24 replies

Chugchug9 · 07/12/2022 11:05

My dd does violin & horse riding. Chatting to a mum on the school run & mentioned she had violin & horseriding on Saturday so could dd's friend come over for a playdate after 3... She replied "blimey aren't an you aspirational mum" 😲 I replied "no"! To me an instrument & riding isn't aspirational at all! Give me some examples of proper aspirational parenting please!

OP posts:

ThatshallotBaby · 07/12/2022 11:07

I think I am the antithesis of aspirational anything

ThatshallotBaby · 07/12/2022 11:10

But great that you dd enjoys riding and the violin!

Original poster

Chugchug9 · 07/12/2022 11:12

My son plays & loves soccer! Dh pointed out that technically this is much more aspirational! As in if he makes it into the leagues the earning potential is much greater 🤣

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howaboutchocolate · 07/12/2022 11:20

To me an instrument & riding isn't aspirational at all!

It is to me! They were things I would have liked to have done as a child but we couldn't afford it. Perhaps that's what the mum thought too.

I could afford it for my DC now I think but they still seem like "posh" hobbies to me which clouds my judgement a bit, unfairly.

frozendaisy · 07/12/2022 11:36

I rode and played an orchestral instrument didn't help career wise in the slightest.

Husband played violin (up to grade 8) along with a couple of sports clubs and air cadets, didn't help him either.

As long as they like their hobbies who cares about aspiration. If you get a D in GCSE English that will matter much, much, much more.

Mindystryder · 07/12/2022 11:48

It's aspirational to me, sorry. I would have loved to learn an instrument but no way my parents could afford it. They did sign me up for free trials of piano and violin (which I loved!!! The offer was through school) but once the free trial was up I couldn't continue. I have no interest in horses but I definitely couldn't have done that either due to cost. So I'm afraid I have to agree - your daughter is very lucky.

However if you're looking for tales of extravagance, I've seen some incredibly expensive advent calendars for kids and young people on tik tok. I can't believe the prices people pay for those!

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 07/12/2022 11:48

I think your dd's friend's mum was being sarcastic, tbh.

Sigma33 · 07/12/2022 11:53

I grew up in a rural area - horse riding wasn't 'aspirational', it was quite normal.

However, it is a bit of the stereotype wealthy middle class - riding, violin or piano (not sax!), skiing holiday in February half term 😀

girlmom21 · 07/12/2022 11:55

How old is DD? They're very 'middle class' hobbies.

What days does she study Latin?

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/12/2022 11:56

Horse riding especially if you have your own is an insanely expensive sport. (I think my vet should start sending me thank you cards for his twice annual skiing holidays….) So I can see her point there.

Original poster

Chugchug9 · 07/12/2022 12:08

Sigma33 · 07/12/2022 11:53

I grew up in a rural area - horse riding wasn't 'aspirational', it was quite normal.

However, it is a bit of the stereotype wealthy middle class - riding, violin or piano (not sax!), skiing holiday in February half term 😀

We have the half term & Easter "ski set" in the school which is why I'm a bit🤔 about me being aspirational, Im not part of the ski set! Dd is 8, loves her activities does swimming & dance also..!

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Sigma33 · 07/12/2022 12:14

Yes, for girls ballet (not hip hop), but only at primary school age. Not for boys of course, rugby or cricket would be more suitable. Not football!

Original poster

Chugchug9 · 07/12/2022 12:24

I know! Bit of an odd comment in my opinion... I think any type of hobby or school can have aspirational parents... Soccer esp with all the money potential attracts extremely pushy parents.. Gymnastics also... Any olympic sport really! Dd does swimming lessons, 30 minutes per week not near swim team level but the club has a reputation for attracting very ambitious parents...

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ZenNudist · 07/12/2022 12:35

It was a rude comment. Is she saying you aren't middle class enough but are aspiring?

it's also aspirational to do music because you are expecting achievement on top of academic achievement. You obviously want dd to do well in life. Good for you.

Both are activities for the privileged who can afford it. Especially horse riding. Saying you didn't realise the your children are privileged because they don't ski is disingenuous. Just acknowledge you're lucky and ignore the haters.

Music lessons cost £18 a week. I just worked out that for 2 dc and 3 lessons between them a week and assuming 6 weeks holiday a year I'm paying £2,500 before cost of music, exam entry, and the occasional replacement violin/ piano tuning. I'm fine with that but I'm lucky to be able to afford it.

Husbands family ride. Now thats bloody expensive. Even if you don't own a horse.

Original poster

Chugchug9 · 07/12/2022 12:43

@ZenNudist I really don't know what she was implying. Was a bit rude as we were having her dd over for a playdate (we really enjoy her dd coming, lovely kid!) & I was just explaining why late afternoon worked better for us.. We don't own a horse & never will. Dd loves her lessons, goes on Saturday for an hour, no ambitions to compete either. I would never have thought of myself as aspirational mind!

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Sigma33 · 07/12/2022 12:45

City horse riding, or riding competitively is expensive. As I said, if you live in a rural area it isn't.

My parents are teachers, and I rode a lot. Some lessons initially, but after a point there was always someone who wanted a pony exercised if you weren't fussy.

My best friend at secondary school had a couple of ponies and her father was a teacher, her mother a SAHM. Other friends had parents who were farmers, and they all had assorted ponies. None much good at anything competitive, but all fine for hacking about (and learning how to avoid falling off).

Pipsickl · 07/12/2022 12:50

Ha I’ve had this from MIL because my little girl goes to ballet.

it’s not aspirational, I just always wanted to go when I was small because my friends did and my mum couldn’t afford it, so I thought I’d give my daughter a chance to see if she likes it. It’s not posh is just an hour of dancing about on a Saturday morning .

I think really aspirational things are very expensive things like skiing lessons or polo lol

jamoncrumpets · 07/12/2022 12:55

To the thousands of children who won't eat a hot meal tonight I'd say it's pretty aspirational.

You're naive to think otherwise.

Original poster

Chugchug9 · 07/12/2022 12:59

jamoncrumpets · 07/12/2022 12:55

To the thousands of children who won't eat a hot meal tonight I'd say it's pretty aspirational.

You're naive to think otherwise.

I know that op & know we are extremely fortunate . I would call that fortunate. Not aspirational there is a difference if you read the context of my opening post.

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Sigma33 · 07/12/2022 13:01

Well, on an international scale:

Having enough to eat is aspirational.
Having an education as a child, instead of having to work, is aspirational.
Having footwear is aspirational.

I'm not sure that, in the context of one parent to another who live in the same area and whose children go to the same school, this is quite the case.

I wonder if she would have made the same comments about swimming lessons and football, which are equally expensive. Probably not, they don't have the same image.

Original poster

Chugchug9 · 07/12/2022 17:19

Dd also does girls brigade which is a few pounds for the year in the church hall.. Not very aspirational either 🙄

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Tiredallofthetime · 07/12/2022 17:25

@Chugchug9 why the face at an activity that doesn’t cost much?

I was always pretty fortunate in that my parents were generally happy for me to do any hobby I was interested in, although no amount of lessons were going to make a musician out of me.

But the whole ‘oh goodness, we aren’t aspirational, why look, she does this cheap hobby <tinkly laugh>’ is really irritating and I’m not normally one to be blunt like that.

girlmom21 · 07/12/2022 17:40

Chugchug9 · 07/12/2022 17:19

Dd also does girls brigade which is a few pounds for the year in the church hall.. Not very aspirational either 🙄

The more you post the more I'm feeling your title isn't quite right - there's nothing lighthearted on your part here

Original poster

Chugchug9 · 07/12/2022 20:03

@girlmom21 I admit I'm a bit pissed off, I thought she was rude especially as we were having her dd over.
@Tiredallofthetime because it's another example of how we are not aspirational. I love the fact it's so inexpensive, dd has been going since she was 5. It's a wonderful group!

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