If you longed for a family/children for a long time, do you think that changes you/ your parenting?

[iwouldliketobea]

I always longed for a family and children but could never meet a partner. I was so, so lonely and sad for a very long time, but completely miraculously, two years ago I met someone and we're planning on ttc.

I do worry that I am idealising parenthood and it might all be a horrible, crushing letdown and I might be terrible at it.

At the same time though, my colleagues today were talking about how they'd never let their children wear branded character t-shirts (e.g. Peppa Pig). I don't care one fig about that If I was lucky enough to have a child they could go out top to toe as Peppa.

I feel v fortunate to have my dd and I embrace kiddy stuff very happily (crafts / park / days out etc).

I am also q reflective of my parenting and look at where I might be able to improve.

I am basically very keen as a parent. But I don’t know whether I would have been like that had I had my dd sooner.

God no, I have had so many struggles, multiple miscarriages, many late. Have a baby now, rejoicing the two days they have in nursery over Christmas whilst myself and husband have the days off. We are making the most of it.

I hate branded clothes, so whilst they’re young enough to dress them as I’d like I will do that! Guess you don’t know how you’ll be until you have them. I’m definitely not over protective, probably the opposite, my husband is way more protective than me. You just don’t know until you do!!

I try and find a balance between what I idealised for a theoretical child while I struggled to get pregnant and what is realistic with an actual child but it's hard because I spent so long imagining what it would be like. I couldn't get pregnant, then hated being pregnant, then struggled breastfeeding but I'd built up all the things to be unattainable ideals because I had to wait so long.

When I embrace the reality, I find I'm a better mother but it's still bloody hard work to come to terms with infertility, even if you're lucky enough to end up with a child.

completely agree!!

I think it made me more grateful for my DC and I was conscious to pause in the small moments and enjoy them… and be more patient! I’m far from perfect, and I may have been no different had they come along earlier, but I definitely was so thankful for them

Yes, for me it definitely did. After a long struggle TTC and IVF, I know how lucky I am to have my children. I still can't quite believe my luck, and it gets me through the more tedious bits of parenthood. If I hadn't had to face infertility, I wouldn't have this crazy gratitude.

That's a really interesting question @iwouldliketobea especially because I was in a similar situation. I was single for a fair while (5 years) and I remember thinking about whether I should look into freezing my eggs etc because I was finding it so hard to meet someone. And then, like you, almost miraculously I met my DH and married a year later (have been married two years).and we're now expecting our first DC. We're very excited and feel so blessed.

I think what you described sound really lovely and fun (head to toe in Peppa Pig!) for your DC. I would love for my kids to live childhood to the full (crafts, baking, outdoor play in nature etc) but at the moment my biggest concern is getting it right as a parent eg. the language I use and whether it will instil confidence in them, how to encourage them to be brave or speak about their feelings. I don't know whether it's because it took me ages to meet someone etc but I do know that I feel like I have a much deeper appreciation (compared to when I was in my 20s) that parenting takes a lot more planning/thought/care than I initially thought. I feel like there's so much information out there on how to help your DC's development etc. I'm nervous but excited!

I don’t know about parenting as my DD is still tiny but I am incredibly repulsed by some that awful coarse moaning about children usually done for message board or social media clout. You know, calling your toddler a dickhead….joking about shoving your kids to bed at 4pm and hitting the gin…begging the schools to take them back.

I’m no delicate flower and have a pretty open minded sense of humour, it just makes my toes curl. Ofc we can moan about the tough stuff- but I can’t stand people talking exaggerated shit about the kids for likes

Yes although I am conscious it can be a double edged sword, I've had to actively try to make sure I have other things going on in my life because I could happily make my child my entire world she was so longed for, and I don't necessarily think that's healthy.