At a loss and getting angry

[5truggling]

How do you deal with your toddler's challenging behaviour? (Not listening, persisting with behaviour he's been asked/told to stop, etc.). DS1 is 2.5 and is becoming extremely hard work! I know it's common at this age but I'm struggling to manage it and can feel myself getting really angry. I have a 9 month old too who is teething so I'm sleep deprived, shattered and generally worn out which isn't doing much for my patience.

What do you do to reprimand a child of this age? I put him in his room for 2 minutes (which he hates) but I don't want it to get to that point numerous times a day. I can hear myself shouting more and more which I don't want to do (plus it's pointless as he couldn't care less and just ends up shouting back at me).

Anyone?

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Sorry you are finding it hard: it is hard, especially when you are sleep deprived. What are his behaviours that you are trying to stop/change? Shouting and getting angry do not help change the behaviour (tho you are human so not judging just saying they won’t change the behaviour). Repetition is often key at this age (no, in this family we do not do x over and over). Pick your battles and decide what is most important and needs tackling most. Get a break from him if you can (partner?). Good luck.

Hi, sorry you're having a bad time. Personally I didn't punish, I just repeatedly said no. I toddler proofed so they could run amok in the main room. I would not remove a toddler to another room, isolation imo is for age 7+.

What specifically are they doing?

I used time outs, they were effective for my ds. I soon got to the point where I didn’t need to use them. But all children are different. I think it’s fine to remove them if they have had a clear warning (down on their level with their eyes focused on you). Also if you are really cross it gives you (and them) a couple of minutes to “reset” and breathe!
No doubt some people will be horrified at the thought though!

I involved my toddlers in what I was doing.

So would clear a room but give them the hoover.
They would sit at the kitchen table with paint and paper whilst I made beans on toast.

I would play with toys or a toy, whilst tidying the rest away. Holding the baby at the same time.

We would grab milk and bits from local shop whilst also having a walk, trip to park.

Basically anything I needed to do that could be done with them that is how we did it. If it couldn't be done with them ceebeebies babysat for and hour or two.

You can take a favourite toy away.
Say no TV after lunch.

Basically whatever they love you take away.

If it's possible to do without shouting that might help because he might be shouting because you do. It's gobsmacking how much they copy. Good and bad.

Thanks all.

He's definitely shouting because I do 😣 I feel really guilty as he is generally very well behaved. I'm sure he only plays up when he's bored or overtired. The problem is, I feel overwhelmed when it's 2 on one. They are both so young and are obviously totally dependent. My husband is a very hands on Dad and things are totally manageable in the evenings and at the weekends but during the day when he's working I struggle, especially when it's been a bad night (which is most nights). He works from home which has its pros and cons.

I'd love to be able to take him to softplay etc. More often but it's not possible with his baby brother in tow as he wants me to run around and play with him. It seems to be an endless cycle of nappy changes, feeds, naps, playing (I know, that's parenthood) but I don't get a second to breathe! I'll just get one sorted and the other one's at me.

The thing is, I have great support from my parents but I still seem to struggle. I don't even do any housework during the day as I literally don't have time.

In terms of his behaviour, it's nothing out of the ordinary for his age. He will say 'mummy, mummy, mummy' repeatedly, eventhough I've answered/acknowledged him. He will be pulling ALL of his toys out of the toy drawers and when I ask him to stop he'll pause to look at me and then continue doing it eventhough he's fully aware of what I'm asking. He's started drooling (on purpose) and letting his juice dribble down his chin. I've told him to stop this and that it's dirty but he completely ignores me (I take the cup away when it's a drink he's doing this with). He'll regularly smacks my glasses off my face, not aggressively, he's just playing. When I tell him to stop and that it's not nice he will laugh and continue doing it. He's just testing the boundaries really but it makes my blood boil!

I'm not dealing with it well at all and I really want to find a way to manage his behaviour and my reactions to it as I'm not happy with either at the moment.

I used to do 'toy prison' and take away whatever was being played with. Stick in a clear plastic box up high - they can earn back through good behaviour.

I imagine he's trying to get your attention and has learnt what naughty things will wind you up! So tricky with a baby too. I think the key is to remain calm and ignore the deliberate wind ups. Reward good behaviour. Try and get some time with just him / leave baby with your parents or partner. All easier said than done x

Sorry you're going through that. I think what has helped with my toddler is that I try not to shout at him anymore (notice the word try...). I found that when I stopped shouting at him and just repeating what I'm saying lots instead, the whole situation is calmer.

Yes, he is often still super upset and has a meltdown, but it's ok for them to be upset. I used to offer him a hug at first which he would refuse and didn't want to be touched, so I would just sit with him and tell him it's ok to be upset and I understand, but it's still not ok to do whatever he was doing. Now, he actually does take up my offer of a hug, continues to cry a bit until he is feeling ok and then we move on.

If we are ever in a situation where he is doing something wrong and will not stop no matter how many times I repeat to him not to, then I will calmly remove him or the object from the situation. If we are out somewhere, the park or whatever, and he outright refuses to leave, again I will just calmly pick him up and we leave. Be firm, but calm.

As for the toys situation, make it clear only the toys he is playing with out at once. If he wants more toys out, then he has to help you put away the first set of toys first. If he insists on just emptying all the toys, you need to make him understand that he will be involved in clearing them up. For example, if he then asks for a snack or to go to the park or whatever later on, you say not until you help me clear up these toys. Don't ask him to do it himself completely, that won't happen, but get him to help you. Yes, you'll end up doing it mostly yourself, but as long as he puts away a few toys in the time you put away the rest, then he has helped. Then he gets the snack or park as a reward. My son used to have this same issue, and the fact that he has to help pick up the toys every day has made him aware that he shouldn't just tip out all the toys anymore! It took a while to reach this stage, and sometimes the toys end up tipped out anyway, but he's so much better than he was before. Again, it's all about being firm and there being consequences that he understands. Putting him in his room for 2 minutes probably isn't really doing much.

Also, whenever you do shout at him or you just can't handle it today (we all feel like that!!), just remember you can't be a perfect parent 100% of the time. Do whatever you can, and sometimes it's ok if you need a break to just let him watch TV, or to give in to something every now and again. Like a PP said, pick your battles!

I'm sorry you're struggling and can understand that it can get overwhelming very quickly with two young ones + being sleep deprived. Our DD just turned 3 and what seems to work (so far) for us is a combination of:

• distraction
• conditionality (both positive and negative: rewarding good behaviour and removing a toy for a period of time - usually 2-3 mins - for bad behaviour)

Hope this helps.

He will be pulling ALL of his toys out of the toy drawers and when I ask him to stop he'll pause to look at me and then continue doing it even though he's fully aware of what I'm asking. Why does it matter if he takes the toys out of the drawer? I would let him get on with that and make sure he helps with the tidying later. It is the fact you give it attention he wants - just say something nice like 'ooh, you are lucky to have so many lovely toys, which do you like best today?'

He's started drooling (on purpose) and letting his juice dribble down his chin. I've told him to stop this and that it's dirty but he completely ignores me (I take the cup away when it's a drink he's doing this with). I would totally ignore drooling and just switch to water. He doesn't care if it is dirty, he cares that you noticed. Talk about something else when he does it - say 'Ooh, can you find me a pen, I really need a pen as I have to write a note' or any other made up bollocks, then be super grateful when he helps you.

He'll regularly smacks my glasses off my face, not aggressively, he's just playing. When I tell him to stop and that it's not nice he will laugh and continue doing it. You just need to stand up and he can;t reach you. I used to move away calmly.

He's just testing the boundaries really but it makes my blood boil! I think he is attention seeking, the way to stop them seeking bad attention is to give more good attention.