Thinking of changing schools from Jan (state to private)

[Changeschools]

My confident, bubbly, happy DD who was so excited about starting school and adjusted amazingly, has become a shadow of her old self since starting school at a local state primary.

She is particularly frightened of her new TA, a few other kids are too, but her teacher is also very cold and unapproachable. I spoke to the teacher once at parents meeting and she had only positives about DD and that she thinks she's very happy there. But she is very quiet and timid which doesn't sound like DD.

I know there are a few disruptive kids in the class who spit, hit and push and there are 29 or 30 kids there, so it must be busy and noisy.

I'm seriously considering taking her to a private school from Jan. There is one girl's prep abput 10 mins drive which is wonderful and I'm seeing it tomorrow.

Please any advice on what I need to consider when changing schools. DD has been telling me she wants to change school, but until yesterday I didn't consider it. Yesterday she came out of the class feeling really sick. I worried and carried her all the way home. As we were approaching home she said she feels much better and she's not been sick since.

She couldn't describe her feeling, she said there was a spider dancing in her stomach area, which I suspect was anxiety.

She doesn't want to leave home much either, she used to be very outgoing.

Please be kind, I'm just feeling very worried about DD and want to do the best I can for her.

Can you afford it? If so then there's nothing you have to think about really.

Just about

Do you know if they have spaces? If they do, go and look and if you like it, put her name down.

Are you sure it’s the school she’s at, or school in general that bothers her.

Private ed only gets more expensive as the child gets older. If you can only just afford it now, that's not promising

Sounds a good plan if you can afford it.

Are there other state options near you?

FYI, both my dc were in bits by this point in reception. It’s such a long term, they’re little and tired.

Private school is a huge jump. Massive financial commitment.

We did this for very similar reasons, although had been planning the state>private move anyway for secondary, so the extra financial commitment was somewhat limited.

We gave the state primary 3 years but the situation was, if anything, only getting worse. It was a great school with a reputation for inclusivity but that became a magnet for high needs kids. The school, the staff, they did what they could but resources are limited and too much time and energy was being taken up by two or three kids.

We could afford to get her out and haven't looked back. She comes home bubbly, talking aspirations of being a scientist, rather than with stories of being held by the throat or pushed over or whatever.

I'd be wary if you can only just afford it now. As well as the increases that come in later years (there's often a big step up in year 7 in terms of cost), there are also year-on-year fee increases. These might be 5-10% per year. Uniform and trip costs are also high. If you have considered these rises and costs and are comfortable that you can afford it, I'd say it's well worth considering.

Make sure you can afford hot it long term.

Fees go up and up as they move through school.

One thing I will say though, as a parent who had experienced both is that private school isn’t a magic bullet to all issues.

My eldest went to a very prestigious prep school. The bullying was terrible. The staff turned a blind eye if it was the children of the more important parents. There were just as many problems.

Life went tits up and we are now struggling and his (much) younger sister is at a failing primary in an awful area. Same problems (dd not affected, as I’m alright jack as that sounds). Only now we aren’t paying for them.

I honestly think some parents pander to their kids. I was extremely shy and lacked confidence in primary school I moved to a better school in year 2 and a half. The school wasn't terrible but my mum just wanted me to go to this school originally as it was better.

Does nobody try moving state schools before jumping to private? It sounds like very precious parenting I understand everyone's budget is different but still I don't see that as a magical first solution.

My children went to prep schools, they are 15 and 18 now. Prep schools in our area (South East) the class sizes are 18 max, spitting and hitting definitely not tolerated. If you can afford it at all I would put her name down. Otherwise are there any other schools you could try? I would definitely move your DD. Best of luck.

I don’t think it’s pandering when a child goes from bubbly to quiet, it’s not a good sign. Of course if there is another state school option that makes sense rather than strain finances.

@Changeschools - Ithink only you will know about your daughter but I would say as @Bluevelvetsofa and @SheWontSheCantShesLeft - do check that it is not just being at school rather than that particular school which is the problem . Not all private schools are fabulous. But as I say only you can make a decision about your own child.

Private schools are businesses, the parents are their customers, so if their child's education is being disrupted in any way, the school will solve the problem. They can't afford to do anything else, or they will lose their pupils.
I have taught in both private and state schools, and the whole ethos is different in private schools. If you have an issue, you will be taken seriously.
So, if you can afford it then go for it. There will be smaller classes and more individual attention.