Start TTC earlier than planned to enure I get mat leave?

[thornberet]

Hello everyone,

I am feeling insecure in my job. My employers were blocked from making me redundant a few years ago because it was deemed pregnancy discrimination (picked only me for redundancy). When I returned from mat leave, the company was in a better place post covid, and they approved my request to work part-time. However, it's clear that part-time work isn't ideal for them. They have also recently insisted that I go into the office regularly - which they know is super difficult for me and have never minded before. I think they're hoping I will quit. I also just generally get sory of bad vibes.

Anyway dh and I were thinking of leaving a 4 year gap between dc2 and the next one. This gives us a chance to get through the toddler years with dc before adding another to the mix, and also means that my body will have fully recovered (I found pregnancy rough - can't imagine going through it with a little one around).

But I'm scared of losing my job before my next mat leave. It will be v difficult to find a new one with the hours and remoteness I need and I don't like the idea of getting a new job and immediately getting pregnant. I have been with my current employer for years and feel like i've given them good value for money. . I'm thinking of pushing ttc forward. That way, even if I am let go, I will still get some maternity allowance. This will mean an under 3 year age gap, which I know is common but I'm a bit freaked out by.

Is it mad to family plan with job security in mind? Once I've had my second and they're in nursery I will be able to ramp up my hours and kind of 'commit' more to my career. Right now I feel like if I loose this job it will be a very hard road back into a career. Any advice?

Should say I get statutory mat leave - which is worth about 7k at a minimum.

You should go for it. It makes sense. If you're ready of course but then is there ever a perfect time ? :)

its sensible to think of job security and that age gap isn’t crazy

but YABU to not go in the office unless you took the position as a remote working job

@TheBoogie yep I'm going into the office they have a right to want me in. I just see it an ominous sign (as well as making the job harder with having to commute).

Is it mad to family plan with job security in mind?

No this is the normal way to family plan! If it makes more sense financially I’d do it now.

I think at base I don't like the job, but I'm scared of getting fired from it/quitting before I've finished having children. I might want three. Honestly I know it can't be helped but I do see why small companies don't want to employ women of childbearing age. A man I know told me to take my rings off in interviews.. I scoffed at the time but now I think it was good advice :'(

Well if you’ll never get another job with the ‘hours or remoteness’ you need then it seems sensible. Also, they fit your long term plans which is good.

You don’t mention your DH but it would be good if maybe he could share the load so you could go into the office a bit, and does some drops offs and pick ups so you can work hours that work for your employer as well as just you. Sounds like it would make your working life a bit easier.

@Trustmeimadoctor dh works horribly long hours which means we do have a more traditional division of labour. However, my MIL is hopefully moving up near us soon so that might ease the burden.

Is it common to tell your employer that you're pregnant before 12 weeks. I had bad morning sickness last time but was furloughed so it didn't matter. Also, knowing I'm pregnant offers a tiny bit of protection against redundancy (I know it's not a lot because they could have very easily made me redundant during my last pregnancy if they had followed proper processes).

Sounds fine, but can you afford childcare x2 if the older one won't be in school before the younger one needs care?

What difference would taking rings off at interviews do? They’d still be able to tell you were of child baring age. If you are desperate to have kids at this job I’d just get on with it, if you’d rather wait years to have more kids I’d move jobs now. Having 3 kids with 4 year gaps before TTC each one doesn’t sound realistic anyway. Forget about works needs and focus on what works best for your family.

I was a young-looking 25 at the time and recently engaged.

I'd just get on with it. If they already have a negative opinion of you they'll just inwardly roll their eyes.....not much more they can do really. Once the toddler years are over you can go and kick arse in a new job!

I stayed in a role I wasn't crazy on because I'd built up enough good will to request flexible working, very very occasionally wfh when dc were ill etc, I think its quite common really.

Yeah so peak child baring age, I don’t think the ring will have affected your chances.