Parent overmines me

[purpleme12]

My mum overmines me with my child.
I'm freaking with her and then she comes and tells her to do the opposite of what I'm saying completely undermining me.
And then blames me for dealing with it that way and ruining everything
Does anyone else have this? There's no respect with her. I'm not seen as an adult. I don't go to her for anything.

Overmine? Is that a thing?

Ignore her. You’re the parent.

Do you live with her?

Freaking with her?

What does freaking with her and overmines mean?

Limit the time you are together or tell her clearly to stop.

do you think your mum is right or wrong? If you think she’s wrong, ignore her and ask her not to interfere.

#freaking should be dealing.
Dealing with my child.
Sorry

#freaking should be dealing.
Dealing with my child.
Sorry

I told her to stop undermining me and she told me I ruin everything. Because I wasn't doing what she wanted.
But she doesn't interfere with my brother's/sisters like this.

How old are you? Are you living independently and paying your own bills or are you living with her? Because she won’t see you as an adult unless you living on your own and have set clear boundaries. If you are and she’s still treating you as a child then you need to tell her what’s what and tell her she can’t come in unless she respects you as your dc’s mother.

She undermines your position? Time to tell her her to feck off. Are you very young, is she always overbearing?

Does anyone else have this?

No because I would not tolerate it.

No we don't live together I was just visiting
It was family day.
I guess I'm posting because I'm hurt. Hurt that even though I said it out loud, don't undermine me, she didn't see anything wrong and then she kept on doing it all.
And I still feel hurt

You might need to go low contact for a bit to show her how it’s affecting you, she may persist if she has that personality, where she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong, maybe speak to other family and see if they can speak to her too, otherwise it’s best to give her some distance and she might realise.

My mum was the same. I had to stop seeing her as regular/shorter visits because it was driving me absolutely crazy! Over 3 years on now and if I feel/see it happening I straight away call it out and nip it in the bud or leave.

Thank you for replying
I know I'm seen as the bad one in my family.
I'm not bringing my child up like my mum. I always make sure she feels loved and always stay calm when she's struggling with her behaviour.
It's so hard because it's just me. There's no one to big me up or back me up. Everyone else has a partner. Sometimes I want a mum to big me up and back me up.

It’s really hard when you haven’t got the mum you need.

You need a particular kind of mum who respects you and your feelings, and she’s not that person for you. You know what you need, so you have good insight into what your child needs and you’re giving her that. But your mum isn’t tuned into that.

So you have to let go of the hope of having the mum you need, and grieve that - it is a grieving process.

And decide what to do with the mum you have got - whether you want to see her still and accept that she is what she is, whether you can be firm with her and she can adjust her behaviour, or whether what she is is too painful/damaging to be around.

Really difficult stuff

Thank you. I can't speak to any of the family about it.
I wouldn't mind not going for Christmas but my child wants to see her cousins of course and she really wants to see them so I have to suck it up all the time.

You don’t have to suck it up all the time. It’s okay to take your needs and wants into account as well as your child’s. Maybe go every other time?