Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

I'm 53 and I had a drunken snog last night

15 replies

Isottime · 04/12/2022 13:48

😆 At least I think it's funny.

A long standing friend, both single now but not for the majority of our friendship.

We've kind of been dancing around each other, not wanting to spoil the friendship but also enjoying the flirting for a while, since we both became single at the same time 18 months ago.

He walked me home after a night out with friends, something he's done very many times before without any issue, but this time he kissed me. Properly. It was very nice, but I stopped him and said "goodnight, let's work this out when we're sober". He was much drunker than I was, but both had had a fair amount to drink, so I'm quite proud of myself 😆

Anyway, we met up with the same friends for breakfast this morning and it's like nothing ever happened. I'm not entirely sure he remembers or maybe he's decided to pretend it never happened, which may well be the sensible thing to do.

What happens next?

OP posts:

PepsiMaxandPringleStacks · 04/12/2022 13:52

I've read too many angsty friends to lovers second chance romance books to allow you not to do anything about this lol.

I say go for it!! Tell him what you remember and make your move. Life is too short!!

minticecreamisjustok · 04/12/2022 13:56

Message him, say ask him how his Hangover is and that you had a nice time, get the convo going and see if you can arrange a date?

HandsomeDaughter · 04/12/2022 13:58

You either be direct or skirt around it. Life is too short to wonder, fuck it, get it all out and ask him, over a pint or a coffee whether he remembers the kiss and go from there.

Tomikka · 04/12/2022 14:01

What do you want to happen next?

He may have ‘forgotten’, but other than one occasion in my life I have remembered what had happened in any level of drunkenness - the one occasion is not being able to fully account for hours spent coming home (alone) and will have featured dropping off on benches.

If you want to try and see if there’s anywhere that this could go then step in and do something yourself

The two worst cases are:
he kissed you and regrets crossing that line from friend to ‘woman’
You go out for a while and it doesn’t work out

Not acting brings on a third worst case:
He’s now sat there worrying over how he’s ruined a friendship and any possibility that you may have one day also been interested in him

ApathyMartha · 04/12/2022 14:19

Definitely follow it up. I deeply regret not following up something 20 years ago and often wonder what could have been. We could very well have not lasted but I’ll always wonder.

ditalini · 04/12/2022 14:20

He probably remembers but:

a) thinks the "lets discuss when we're sober" was a brush off and he's embarrassed

b) felt it at the time but in the cold light of day is having second thoughts

c) would be up for seeing what happens but is feeling the morning after fear and is waiting for you to make the first move, or thinking he'll do something about it later

Original poster

Isottime · 04/12/2022 14:28

ditalini · 04/12/2022 14:20

He probably remembers but:

a) thinks the "lets discuss when we're sober" was a brush off and he's embarrassed

b) felt it at the time but in the cold light of day is having second thoughts

c) would be up for seeing what happens but is feeling the morning after fear and is waiting for you to make the first move, or thinking he'll do something about it later

I think it could well be a combination of all three and is pretty much how I'm feeling about it.

He's a nice and attractive man, in any other circumstances it would be a case of "why wouldn't you?", but this friendship group is important to me and I'd hate becoming a couple to mean one or both us had to step away if things go horribly wrong.

I'm sure we could be good together for a while at least, but I don't feel sorry that it didn't progress yesterday, and I don't feel anxious about nothing happening from here.

Plus I'm actually quite enjoying being single.

OTOH it was a very good kiss....

OP posts:

ThirtyThreeTrees · 04/12/2022 14:29

What do you want to happen next?

Not usual not to mention it this morning, you were in company.

You also stopped it so he might feel like you weren't interested.

If it were me, I would do nothing for a while and see what happens next. Do you see him regularly?

PhillySub · 04/12/2022 14:58

You stopped him and left it vague "lets work this out when we are sober". He doesn't want another custard pie.

123rd · 04/12/2022 15:02

I'd be direct and ask him if he wants to discuss 'last night' I wouldn't be able to leave it. Either way you will know where you stand, and you can then decide what you want to do
Good luck

littleblackno · 04/12/2022 15:08

I've had something similar happen in the summer. Drunken snog with a friend I have known since we were teenagers (I'm 46 now).
I chased it up after and it has all been going very well since. In face I have not long returned from a very nice weekend away with him. 😁
Send him a text saying you enjoyed the kiss.

ImpYCelynAndTheIvy · 04/12/2022 15:46

A friend kissed me, I followed up, even though I was worried about losing my friendship group if it went wrong as she was the one who’d invited me in initially. But we got on really well and I thought it could be great if it worked. 5 weeks later, after discovering she was far more immature than I’d realised, and that it was going to be a nightmare, the whole thing exploded and I lost my friendship group. I don’t make friends easily, and I still feel the pain of it.

If you’ve known each other a long time you should have a good handle on it though. I realise now I hadn’t known her long enough to have a good handle on her personality, and things I’d assumed was her messing around was actually her being serious etc.

Personally, I regret it. But I’ve heard loads of stories of it working out. Caution, I guess, is what I’m trying to say.

Original poster

Isottime · 04/12/2022 18:54

I see him for a night out with others maybe once a month. Occasionally we do something just the two of us, as we're the only single ones in the group, we've become each others go to when we have a spare ticket or need a plus 1, but that's not very often.

He's a very kind man and a lot of fun, but I haven't seen much depth and I do love a slightly heated intellectual (ish) debate. I'm not going to get that from him.

I think we could have some fun together but i doubt he'll become "the one".

I'm so long out of the dating game, I don't really know what happens when a casual relationship involves sex and then fizzles out. I'm not looking for anything serious, but I suspect he may be. Not necessarily with me, but he would like to "settle down" again. He's had quite a number of longish term serious relationships since his divorce c. 10 years ago. He seems to be a serial monoganimst. There have been a lot of women but afaik only one at a time.

He's stayed friends with a lot of them, which I've told him, as a friend, is damaging his subsequent relationships. At the time, I had no idea that a time would come when I might be one of them, but he does seem to have listened because he's really reduced contact with the one who caused the most trouble in his last relationship, although at the time of that break up he was insisting that any GF of his would have to accept the friendship.

OP posts:

Koala2 · 07/12/2022 22:17

@Isottime what did you decide to do? Hope it's going well!

NoEffingWay · 08/12/2022 00:29

At the worst you will have had a great kiss....

Flip