Neighbours who are always trying to outdo everyone else

[GlowOn]

How do you deal with them? The typical movie stereotype neighbours, who spend loads of money on things and go overboard with everything, then act smugly and make sure they drop derogatory remarks into every bit of small talk. I really wish that I could just ignore it but my skin isn’t quite that thick, this particular neighbour I have makes me feel really awful about myself. I’m trying to boost my self esteem up, but every time I make a small improvement to my home or appearance or just life that I’m really proud of, she immediately goes out and does something much bigger.

Tonight, of course, it’s Christmas decorations. Any advice on how to ignore her, or stories of your own show off neighbours are appreciated.

Does she try to outdo everyone or does she not bother with the neighbours who clearly don't give a fuck? I'm just wondering if she senses that you are bothered by it and that's why she's constantly boasting to you.

You're better than her because, even though you might have confidence issues, you don't try to boost your self-esteem by bringing others down. Every time she boasts to you say to yourself "You poor thing, how shit must your life be if your only way to happiness is making other people miserable". It'll change your point of view and will probably subtly change your facial expression to make her boasting less satisfying to her.

To know all this you must be stopping and speaking to her - or does she knock on your door? If she doesn't and it's on your way in/out then just get out and into the car quickly or pretend to be on your phone - not for ever , just until you break the cycle of speaking to her. And then just don't engage with her ever again.

If you came and stood next to my ladder watching me put mine up, give them a scathing look and said ‘Oh is that all you’re doing? I thought you were going to decorate properly this year’ then went on a big rant about how much you spent on xyz and telling me why Christmas at your house is better than at everyone else’s and how sorry you feel for people who celebrate Christmas the way my family does (we go out for a meal because me and DP don’t have parents) then yes I’d probably get that idea!

Also, and this is a long game, start mentioning another area that you are hoping to move to once your finances allow. The houses are better/there are more trees/it has nicer shops etc.

Come on OP, you can have a lot of fun with this.

Or, just sadly shake your head at her and say "Good grief, you're at it AGAIN! Have you ever considered therapy?"

If she asks wtf say her obsessive need to believe she is doing everything bigger or better than anyone else. Exhausting for her to have such driven behaviour no doubt caused by low self esteem.

How does your neighbour know so much about you and what you do? I live a particularly extravagant lifestyle and would love to be able to let my neighbours know how fancy I am.

This is a good idea, I might try phoning somebody every time I need to go outside. My DP is certain that she peeks out the window and comes running out if she sees anybody who gives her the time of day outside, as she instantly appears and tends to seemingly pointless jobs in her garden every single time somebody is out at the front. I was putting the bins out once and noticed a curtain twitch from her upstairs bedroom window, then she came running out her back door and actually tripped over a box, then started talking loudly on the phone about her upcoming kids birthday party and everything that she was buying for it. I clear off as quickly as I can when she’s out there!

this.

Those people who feel the need to brag and try to outdo others are pathetic really. They need validation for their existence. I know someone who craves attention and approval from people (anyone), all the time. Every holiday, outing, purchase, etc., is on Facebook. What she doesn't show is that her nice house is on a very rough street, her new car belongs to the company, and her holidays were paid for on credit cards. I just plod on, doing the best I can.

Comparison is the stealer of joy.

Ignore.

It sounds like one of the ladies from my antenatal class.

She's was a horror, would make comments on other peoples houses and be so nice to their face. She brought the kids into it and it was so so so draining.

Honestly though I used to get a kick out of winding her up. She was deeply insecure and was very much keeping up with the Jones.

So glad I don't have to listen to her nasally voice anymore or her impromptu completely unasked for singing.

Ignore them....we currently have the front door xmas wreath thing going on here...some are attending the workshops to make it....70 to 120 quid on something that lasts a few weeks....i put up my poundland one each year and oddly get compliments about it....!!

I had a neighbour like this, they would make little comments like "isn't it about time you replaced that car" or "we've just bought really expensive oak furniture" etc. I'm not competitive but it did sting as they knew we didn't have tons of cash as we had a toddler, just bought our second home which needed a lot of work and certainly couldn't afford fancy holidays to the far East like they took because every penny went into our home. When the couple split up i stayed friends with the wife and it turned out she'd paid for all the holidays out of annual bonus ans he was up to his eyeballs in finance for fancy cars and furniture, so much so that she was paying for things on the marital home still as he couldn't afford it. Not everything is as it seems and people brag and show off because they have low self esteem and need to feel better about themselves

This is sadly where we are at nowadays.

Being successful, enjoying your life and being proud of your achievements are now a target for jealousy and hatred by some (the op and her ilk).

Instead of looking at what other people have and being resentful, look at ways to improve your own life and enjoy the things around you.

Sucking the joy from other people’s lives isn’t going to improve your lot, you need to address your failures if you have any and focus on your own life.

I usually find this type of nasty attitude is cultivated by the rabid far left.

TBH I would find this hilarious and would be eagerly awaiting seeing her to get more material for the stories I would be telling my friends about my mad neighbour.

Lean into it. She is clearly a massive saddo and she only does this because she is worried you are 'better' than her somehow. You are the normal one here.

…. Professionals to do the decorating?!

I don't have any advice, sadly once they start curtain twitching and trying to chat everytime you're outside, it's too late. The obsession has begun.

But you're the same OP, otherwise it wouldn't bother you.
I don't give a shiny shit what my neighbours or friends have or do because I don't compare myself to them.

Well I hope she has a bigger overdraft and credit card bill than you do.
Bigger isn't always better.

She's one of those ones who when you say you've been to Tenerife, she's been to Elevenerife.
Laugh at her inside.

Say nothing and do nothing.
That you react in no way whatsoever will really irk them.
They just want a response. Don't give them one.

No, her neighbours are showing off and trying to tell her how much better they are than her, which is making her feel bad.

If you agree with that kind of behaviour then you and your ilk have the nasty attitude.

Nice bit of Gaslighting there

Why does anybody care what their neighbours do?
Just live your own life.

This sort of behaviour would make me do the exact opposite. They spend a fortune on their garden? I'd let my grass grow 2 feet long. New car? Leave mine to get old and never wash it. Etc etc.

This would just encourage them! Make them feel like they're succeeding in being superior

Deal with them ?

you don’t you just get on with your day …

Smile and walk past, don't feel obliged to talk.