The perils of WA groups: anyone else find this?

[JaneFondue]

This should really be in AIBU but convos over there get very heated and busy these days, so putting it here.

During the pandemic I set up a 'moaning' support group with some friends. We are all scattered across the world and the UK, so scarcely meet. We used it to moan about life in lockdown. The rules were that anybody could vent regardless of our different circumstances. It was an absolute godsend in the hard days.

Cut to post-pandemic and I have been feeling vaguely under attack by a couple of members in the group. It's nothing I can put my finger on. More a feeling of " How dare you moan about British CoL when I am having it so much harder?" and the mood seems to have changed to a sort of competitive tiredness. Obviously tone is also lost in WA communication so I may be imagining this too. I think people have compassion fatigue now and social media heightens this.

I am now stepping back from the group pleading work commitments. I haven't left it, but think I will just meet friends when I can one on one. I will miss it though and I feel sad about it. It was like therapy except free and more useful!

Sorry, what's "WA"?

WhatsApp. :)

A group set up just to be negative doesn’t sound very healthy. And once you have it, I don’t think you can really complain that people are being negative.

If you don’t like it, leave.

It sounds like hell! Listening, well reading about how tired other people are!

It's not all about that actually though I can see I have given that impression!

I think it’s easy for WA groups, especially those set up for “venting” to turn sour.

I think taking a step back is a good idea. Think about if you need that group for that purpose anymore, maybe you don’t and you can leave it?

If you don’t want to leave the group- possibly you could do a reminder about why the group was set up and ask if everyone still wants the group for that purpose…just as a reminder? Emphasis non judgement as being something you have values about the group?

I think that is good advice @Whowhatwherewhenwhynow . It's not entirely for venting but I think I will step back. I got a bit too addicted to social media in the pandemic and I need to wean myself off it perhaps. I don't think people mean to be unkind. It's just tone is missing. I don't want to leave but will just keep the important discussions for when they visit my city or I visit theirs.

I must admit when I was having counselling at a SARC they considered group therapy sessions but dismissed it for similar reasons to this. Ultimately you're entitled to feel how you do about your own situation and if you start comparing yourself to other people it can be counterproductive. Either feeling that your situation was 'worse' than somebody else's or feeling yours isn't as 'bad' as someone else's so you're not entitled to feel how you do.

Yes, groups are dicey in the post- pandemic world, I think.