Anyone been a member of an American megachurch?

[meinteresamucho]

I'm just kind of fascinated about how friendships work within them. I went to church when I was a kid because my mum was vaguely religious in a very wishy washy way but there was almost nobody else my age there too. It was all older people in this country. I just wondered what church is like with loads of your peers there and when everyone's being told to love each other all the time. How does that work with rejection? Does everyone try to be everyone else's friend because they have to love everyone or is there still a lot of rejection and bad feeling? In crowds and out crowds like in most schools?

Due to your post I did a little bit of research as I know nothing about these churches. A relative is highly religious and goes to a village church where the more modern service is very well attended on a Sunday but the traditional early service is not. I asked my relative about these things and they said they would be unable to get as much out of a huge service like this and prefers the more intimate setting. Also they said that a traditional old church feels like home in a way whereas more modern churches they have been to feel sort of anonymous. They said it looks more like a rock concert then a church and doesn't see how you could have regular friends in a huge venue.

I went to Hillsong in London about 15 years ago and hated it. It just felt like a big show rather than a service. Tithing was a big thing and we could buy CDs after the service. I was a skint student. I don’t know if this was usual as I only went once, I went with a friend who was a regular member and she didn’t find it odd. Yes it was mostly young people. I don’t go to church to make friends though. I tried to go to a largish CofE church in another city for prayer about 5 years ago (300-500 for Sunday worship) but at the time I worked on Sundays and I was patronisingly told by someone that worked there that they were only open to the public on Sundays. I walked across the road to a more traditional CofE church who were open 8-5 7 days a week, with 2 midweek services, much more conducive to prayer.

Yeah, I think Brits probably feel very differently about these things than Americans who are more likely to be used to megachurches. It seems to be the norm there in so many places!

I've not been a member of one of these, but this is what I gather from Internet forums and from friends who attend smaller similar churches I'm the UK:

Firstly although the Sunday services are huge, that is only a small part of the deal.

Most people belong to a small house group. Which meets on a weekday. This is your support group, where you can discuss problems, pray for each other and help each other. This is where you 'know' people and are 'known' .
Membership of these groups is sometimes geographically based, sometimes time based (eg people who can make it at 6pm on a Thurs) sometimes age or interest based, eg students, teens, mums with babies etc.

As well as that a person would probably be part of a ministry, eg food bank, homeless shelter, youth team, elderly visiting, music, etc etc. So you get to work closely with those people and get to know them as well. They will probably have a similar outlook on life to you.

Also there are specific meetings for kids, youth, young adults, students, retired folk. Early morning business-people's prayer breakfasts, parent and tots groups etc etc.

So a Sunday morning you may gravitate towards those who know you or stay anonymous.

Are the definitely therefore small friendship groups? yes. Can these sometimes get cliquey or exclusive? Yes.

But everyone should be trying to be accepting and loving towards all. Christians don't (shouldn't) think they are good people, the idea is you know you are a sinner, but you ask Jesus to help you be better.
Are some Christians crap at doing that? Yes.
But there is also a recognition that humans only have a capacity to be in a relationship with a certain number of people at a time. So no-one would expect you to have the same level of relationship with 6,000 people as you might have with 50.

Hmmm not quite sure what you mean by mega churches. But I grew up and spent most of my life is a church with the community you described.

Firstly, yes it's nice to have lots of people around who believe the same thing as you. You become reliant on those friends because they share the same values as you.

As for the love one another kind of thing, from at least my perspective, it's very false, we all say we love each other and we will do things to serve each other but it's still extremely cliquey with people who are in and out. There are still lots of fallings out and people will take sides.

Lots of things are done for show or for the sort of promise of eternal rewards, as in you be blessed in heaven if you serve your brothers and sisters.

Thank you all - that's interesting!

It's a micro society and has similar problems as any other group. I grew up within a similar church and friendships were similar to school ones inasmuch as the cliques and falling outs etc. Had more freedom to go out with "church" friends than school friends so because of that was closer to them.

Left it in my 20s (in my 50s now) and although I don't actively avoid seeing anyone, I don't actively try to see them either, apart from my best friend.

I also grew up going to one like that. It was unbelievably cliquey in the teenager groups, i hated it. I always felt judged. Outside of the teenagers it always seemed much more welcoming.

This is my culture
yeah cliques are a thing in teenager and adult groups I’ve seen a form of lovebombing and that’s all nice until you’re dropped for someone else whose flavour of the month
it’s very happy clappy / flag waving / ‘Jesus is my boyfriend’ type of atmosphere
it’s a bit cult like and some churches have some very questionable almost ‘new age’ practices going on. ( new age/pagan things are forbidden but they put a ‘Christian spin’ on it and do it anyway )

here in the U.K. there are a number of large churches where they’re linked with mega churches from the us

I'm not Christian and I don't live in a very megachurchy part of the USA. (They tend to be evangelical Protestant, predominantly white, and the northeast has a relatively low percentage of evangelicals.) The way I understand it, these churches tend to be quite organised. So you don't have much contact with the main pastor, though you hear him give the sermon. But you'll know one of the assistant pastors, the kids will know the youth pastor, and so on. There are small groups often focused on things like single people, young marrieds, other stages of life, so you'll get to know people within that group.

they have a lot of staff and often expensive facilities and a lot of programs and ministries. TBH it seems like the goal with some of these churches is to have your life really arranged around the church.

Jesus is my boyfriend?? 😯

This thread is very interesting. It's not something I have given much thought to, other than to wonder in passing how they keep members in. But the description by pp of how the structure is designed to become woven into every aspect of life, now I see how extraordinarily difficult it must be for people to walk away from that.
I'm lapsed Irish Catholic and I suppose traditionally we are seen as ' religious ' but it's absolutely not a patch on what's described here.

I also went to Hillsong in London for a bit and agree with what the previous person said - it was an amazing show but very impersonal and felt very much like a business. I have been to another large multi service church in London which was completely different - it really emphasised small groups so even though it was so large you could go to a midweek group, belong to a serving group, it had regular socials including weekend always and it was really possible to make close, genuine friendships. It also had an active welcome group which reached out to any new people and tried to place them in a small group straight away so they felt they belonged.

When I first started going to church there was a lady who sent me a long list of books, resources, podcasts etc which she used. She recommended listening to Mars Hill church podcast. I found this fascinating as it is a huge mega church in America and listened to Mark Driscoll, the leader, preaching. He had some sort of scandal and had to step down from leading, I don't really know what happened or if the church is still running but I think it was devastating for the church.

The only way to leave easily and with little hurt is if you move to a new stage of life. For me it was going to university and making friends there. Effectively replacing my friends.

And if someone is trying to befriend you in one of these churches but you don't enjoy their company, how do you handle it? Is it just like anywhere else?

I would say it's easier to avoid them as the church is so large you can go months without seeing anyone. Small midweek groups are usually different and have a more family feel - all different ages and situations in life and the emphasis is on loving each other despite perhaps not being friends in a different situation.