Why do I get so attached to men so easily?

[Useraccount19374]

As the title says… I get attached to men very easily.

If I go on a date and have a nice time. If I sleep with a man. I can’t stop wanting their attention even if I know they aren’t suitable and it probably won’t lead to anything.

I think it might come from an insecure place, and wanting validation. I then end up chasing these men to want me.

I am tired of it and I just want to be able to respect myself a bit more. How? 😞

Why do I get so attached to men so easily?

How's your relationship with your father?

It might help if you don’t rush things and take everything extremely slowly. If you feel yourself getting too attached too quickly then pull back a bit?

Its not necessarily a bad thing because if you’d met the right person it wouldn’t matter would it? It’s just you are attaching to men who aren’t interested by the sounds of things….so if you slow it down next time then you’ll get a feel for whether he is mr right.

Everybody wants attention and validation. Are there other ways you can be validated and approved-of, other than through romantic relationships? For example, can you ask your mum to tell you something nice about you. Can you seek positive feedback at work? What have you done recently that you've worked hard towards? What have you done recently that has challenged you intellectually?

What do you do in your life that makes you respect you? You can't expect it to come from nowhere.

If you don't have much, start making a list of things that other people do that make you go 'Wow! What an amazing person!' You can start right now. Once you have a bit of a list (and the building of the list can go on from right now, for the rest of your life), start picking things from it that you feel you'd like to do, and that are manageable. Your self respect will go up, and your view of relationships will change from 'I like him, I really want him to like me!' to 'I like him, I hope he continues to impress me, otherwise he can sling his hook, because I'm a hell of a catch!'

What happened to you as a child? that’s your starting point.

Look up codependency and attachment styles (especially anxious). Have a think about previous relationships and your relationship with your parents, were they all healthy? Did you have anything traumatic happen?