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Original poster

Is this life now? Germs and parasites.

21 replies

NewNameSo · 02/12/2022 17:18

DD started school in September, she was in a nursery before that so I naively thought there wouldn't be much difference. But we've dealt with endless illnesses, notices about worms, impetigo and headlice (so now added nit-checking to our weekly routine), and today heard a parent mention their DC had been waking itching and crying in the night. They've recently been travelling so I'm now paranoid they have bed bugs and they will start spreading at school and make their way into our home.

These are exactly the sort of things that set off my anxiety and I am barely coping. Just existing until we catch one of those things. Life is not enjoyable at all. I'm honestly thinking of ringing around on Monday to find her a place in a smaller school nearby, as that's bound to at least reduce the probability of these things happening (her school has 100s of kids, and I feel we've made the biggest mistake picking it).

I'm really struggling, and hoping for any words of wisdom?

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 02/12/2022 17:20

I have four kids, teens and up now, and not one of them caught lice despite the constant letters home from school.
And the night itching might be an allergy to the softner.

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2022 17:21

This sounds much more like your anxiety than any real risk. Waking and itching could be eczema or allergies.

Clymene · 02/12/2022 17:24

This is the way of small children at school but a lot of children never catch anything. My children only had one bout of nits in 12 years in years 5 and 6 and it was treated within a weekend. They have never had worms, impetigo or bed bugs. Never even got a sickness bug.

Moving your child in reception to a random smaller school to manage your health anxiety is irrational and you need urgent support. Please speak to your GP. It sounds utterly miserable.

Theunamedcat · 02/12/2022 17:29

Itching at night is probably worms they are more....active in the night

Original poster

NewNameSo · 02/12/2022 17:29

But they said it like it was so unusual for the child and they were covered in scratch marks as they were itching so bad. It must be bed bugs.

For all these things like headlice, I know they may or may not happen, but just knowing they might is enough to ruin everything for me. I'm now thinking twice before cuddling DD or laying on bed with her, or letting her go to her bedroom in her school uniform in case anything is hiding in there, it's awful. I'm also unsure about visiting family in case we pass anything on before we're aware we have it.

The alternative is to put it out of my mind and hope it doesn't happen, but then if I'm not vigilant, there's a risk we'll get even bigger infestations than if I keep on top of it with regular checks. So I just can't win either way.

I see some parents looking so carefree and I just don't know how they do it.

OP posts:

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 02/12/2022 17:29

I think you've been unlucky to have both worms and impetigo going around, but nits seem to be pretty standard everywhere.

I don't think that you can 'catch' bed bugs that way. Most cases that I've heard about they have travelled in luggage, I don't think they generally move around on people.

If your child is happy in the school then that's more important than occasional vermin issues so I wouldn't move because of it.

Original poster

NewNameSo · 02/12/2022 17:30

@Theunamedcat they were scratching their head and back

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2022 17:31

They do it because they don’t have poor mental health. Get urgent RL help.

Galarunner · 02/12/2022 17:35

Worms or nits are annoying and yucky but they present no serious health risk. Like others say she may never get them, if she does they are very easily treated. Making your child live by bizarre rules like not entering their bedroom in their uniform could be far more damaging. Please get some help for your anxiety if you are not doing so already.

Donotgogentle · 02/12/2022 17:35

Sorry- I think you need to get help with your anxiety as this fear is not rational.

Nits for example just aren’t that big a deal (I’ve picked them up from the dc twice myself) and it took 24 hours to be rid of them.

children and adults do get minor ailments, it’s just part of life.

iloveorange · 02/12/2022 17:37

I understand these conditions/illnesses are not pleasant, but they are hardly life-threatening. I agree with PP that you need help with the anxiety these risks are causing you.

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 02/12/2022 17:44

Yes 100% this is it - because we exist with others in a society. And these are all communicable diseases and infestations.

Don’t get me wrong - I’m on your side of the “more health conscious” line in the sand.

But we have lots of tools to deal with them which is great.

The best we can do is teach our kids to wash their hands regularly (without scaring them), and promote public health measures via positive change in society (like who you vote for/offering to support those who are ill with errands etc).

Other than that, I do suggest some CBT or something for you. Because I FEEL YOU exactly how you say it effects your life and you’re always on alert, and being scared of taking things to vulnerable relatives. I am too.
But I now work to appreciate to the maximum the time we are “well” whilst being cautious and sensible. E.g. I carry soap and water and a towel in the car/ on a day out (just in a little bottle).
We wash hands after playing most of the time but definitely before eating.
We still mask in indoor crowded areas - it’s not a big effort for us.

We have a knowledge of the key things to look out for in certain illnesses, and know where to turn if needed. (It’s like a fire evacuation plan - we have it and hope we never need it but the planning’s there in case).

Then I just work in carrying on as normal and enjoying life - because we only get one and IF we are going to get chronically ill - I’d rather look back and have enjoyed every day rather than worrying about what if.

FusionChefGeoff · 02/12/2022 17:47

This is an anxiety problem I'm afraid so I really would try to get some help. You acknowledge in your post that most people don't feel like you do so at least on some level you know this is irrational?

Clymene · 02/12/2022 17:52

Your health anxiety is impacting your life really badly. It's affecting your interaction with other people and making you withhold affection from your daughter who is FOUR YEARS OLD. This is going to really impact her if you treat her like a diseased leper.

She deserves you to get the urgent mental health support you need. Have you spoken to your GP?

MintJulia · 02/12/2022 18:02

Kids catch illnesses, it's how they develop healthy adult immune systems. It's normal.

Make sure your dcs have a healthy diet, plenty of fresh fruit & veg, homecooked food. Lots of fresh air and they'll be fine.

My ds is 14. Through nursery, primary and now secondary, he caught headlice once, and has had one bout of flu and one stomach upset. And three stitches in a knee. Fairly standard for childhood I think.

You need a basic kit at home,
a nit comb
large bottle of cheap conditioner or Hedrin
medical thermometer
Calpol
rehydration salts
cough medicine
access to the NHS web site.
Plasters, cotton wool
dettol

Then you know you are prepared, and put it out of your mind.

FI0N · 02/12/2022 18:03

Clymene · 02/12/2022 17:52

She deserves you to get the urgent mental health support you need. Have you spoken to your GP?

This. Please get help.

Original poster

NewNameSo · 02/12/2022 21:48

Thank you all. I have had CBT before but here we are again.

It's just been one of those weeks where there's been too many triggers (and not enough sleep) and I'm overwhelmed.

"You acknowledge in your post that most people don't feel like you do so at least on some level you know this is irrational?" - actually not really, I just think most people are oblivious. I think I know too much about how many things can go wrong, and how difficult they'd be to resolve (e.g. bedbugs, whereas most people don't even really know what they are, I know how they can spread and how impossible they are to get rid of, and have read every available story about them online unfortunately).

For the other things like nits and worms, I know they're not the end of the world but that's 2 more things to add to my mental load and be vigilant about, then all the additional combing/hoovering/changing sheets etc when I already struggle to keep up with my job and parenting as it is.

I just want to be carefree and enjoy my amazing children.

@MintJulia thank you, sometimes feeling prepared helps.

OP posts:

Lcb123 · 02/12/2022 21:53

you can’t catch bed bugs from another person. All sound quite common for a child - illness just part of life with other people around.

MakeWayMoana · 02/12/2022 22:04

This is really sad. Most people aren’t oblivious OP, they just realise that germs are unavoidable and you need to be exposed to them to develop a healthy functioning immune system.

I’m not sure what extra steps you’re taking to prevent these things that is stressing you out so much. A once a week comb through is sensible if there’s nits going round, but that’s about it. I’m 3 kids in and have never experienced worms or impetigo (or bedbugs… but that’s a really random one in your list. They are hard work to get rid of but they’re also not easily transferable like nits are).

I don’t know if this will help or make it worse, but here goes - in the last 6 weeks we have had chicken pox, sickness bug, scarlet fever, conjunctivitis and tonsillitis, as well as standard colds/coughs. It’s been hard work and felt like it was never ending, but everyone is fine - I’ve spent a fortune on calpol and have had to juggle work, but that’s the worst that’s happened.

Maybe if you try and work through what you think would actually happen if these things do happen it would help to quell the anxiety a bit? So what would happen if she got nits, or got a sickness bug… if you work through it step by step you’ll realise that it’s actually not that horrendous.

Hope you manage to get some proper help though x

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2022 22:06

We aren’t oblivious. Many of us on here have had kids with nits or impetigo. We aren’t unaware. We just don’t consider it something we need to worry about. We feel it is a possibility but not something that needs to cause us anxiety.
CBT can be useful but you need to practice the techniques. Medication or mindfulness or relaxation techniques can also help. As can distraction or exercise.

MakeWayMoana · 02/12/2022 22:08

But they said it like it was so unusual for the child and they were covered in scratch marks as they were itching so bad. It must be bed bugs.

This is a really irrational thought too. Itchy does not mean it must be bedbugs - they could be allergic to the new washing detergent, they could have sensitive skin, developing eczema, have a virus that comes with a rash, be reacting to the central heating coming on or many other things. If it was bedbugs, it’s unlikely to just be one child in the house, it would be everyone!

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