Tips for dinner conversation with friend's wife

[Rainlady]

I'm going for a meal at a restaurant with one of DP's school friends and his wife later. I've met DPs friend a few times and he's a nice guy, but never met his wife. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm not very confident meeting DPs friends' wifes/girlfriends like this - DP and friend will be discussing the World Cup all night and old school days, while it's assumed I'll 'make friends' with the wife.

But I never know what to say and afraid of awkward silences. I'm quite introverted and don't tend to talk about myself much. I also hate conversation drifting heavily onto house prices and other mundane/depressing things. So any tips for being sat with someone I don't know at for 2+ hours? What do you talk about with people you're with in these kinds of situations?

I would ask her lots about herself and then talk about Christmas plans. Have a few drinks and I’m sure it will be fine!

Christmas plans, holiday plans for next year all good for small talk at this time of year

My adult DD always says that one of the most useful things I ever taught her was how to make small talk. Ask her about herself and listen to the answers and follow them up. Does she have children, hobbies, pets, does she like to travel, did she go to university, what’s her job, what’s her favourite type of food, etc. I’ve been to many of my DH’s hobby socials where my dining neighbours have bored on about themselves all evening and not asked me a single question. Most people like to talk about themselves and almost everyone likes to talk about what they’re interested in. Find out what that is and you’re good!

Ask her about herself, does she have a job, what films does she like etc. Ask your DP what he knows about her, so you have some clues for topics she will enjoy talking about. Hobbies, children if she has them, and holidays are usually good general topics of conversation.

• Favorite Christmas film/song
• Any fun Christmas traditions they have
• How she met her husband
• How the Christmas shopping/decorating/prep is going
• Any New Year’s resolutions
• Ask if she’s fed-up of all her partners World Cup watching and chat
• If she’s watched any good Netflix series or read any good books lately
• If she’s been to that restaurant before and if she has any food recommendations

All of the above, but remember that just because you don’t enjoy talking about yourself doesn’t mean you still might need to. It’s going to be more awkward if you’re both sitting there asking questions but not answering anything! Have a few questions up your sleeve and remember this is the easiest time as you don’t know each other!

Thanks... Christmas chat is a good idea. Should have mentioned that I'm always really interested in other people and happy to let them talk about themselves and listen, but sometimes worry they must feel like I'm interrogating them or something by asking so many questions!

I think a lot of people are quite happy to let you ask all the questions.

Having said that, you can't develop a relationship if you don't ever share anything. So it's perfectly okay to, for example, if you're talking about Christmas and you ask her plans and she mentions a Santa's grotto they're taking their kids to to add your own input eg, "Oh, we love that one - we went last year. We're trying PeaNutGallery this year. Have you done that one before?"

Christmas, food, favourite band/singer (you could open the conversation with ‘I see Elton Wrong is headling Glasto next year….), anything you’ve watched on telly this week, pets, holidays (fave destinations).
The key is to try and find some common ground early on (kids, love of reality tv, food, music, etc etc).

I don't mind talking about myself but have never understood (and slightly envy) those vivacious people who always seem to unprovoked have a great story to tell or some anecdote that gets a conversation going. I'd never just turn up and announce my life story to a load of people I've never met!

I always open with “What’s keeping you busy?” That way people can talk about work, hobbies, family, holidays whatever without feeling probed. The rest of the small talk will flow from that in the sense that you’ll get a feel for how neutral or personal they want to be.