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Bullying school mum

12 replies

RedoneP · 30/11/2022 20:13

OK, long story. My child is at Primary School and best friends with a child named Fred (not real name). I became friends with Fred's mum who confided in me as she was a single parent. Fast forward a few years she meets a new man who seemed pleasant enough. One week at drop off I chatted politely to New man. A few days later I get a string of abusive messages from Fred's mum that I've been stirring up gossip and spreading lies between her children's father and new boyfriend?! I obviously denied it as it clearly wasn't true and received even more abuse and name calling. I doubt we will ever speak again and I'm ok with that. Obviously she's deleted me from social media as expected by such people. She blanks me. Trouble is my child is best friends with hers and he is always playing with him. My child wants Fred over. Not going to happen - his mother makes false allegations and I can't take that risk. She won't acknowledge me and I refuse to apologise for something I haven't done. A few weeks later Fred's mum gets called in about her son being a bully. Fred's mum denies it and intimidates another parent for reporting it and sats Fred is the victim. Since meeting this guy 2 years ago she's become nasty. Her or her new boyfriend are clearly unhinged and I'm questioning now all the things she's told me and if they were ever true. She's now starting a new family with new boyfriend. The issue I have is- how do I deal with my child and Fred? I can't explain it to my child why he can't have his best friend round anymore or to parties etc.

OP posts:
cavily1806 · 30/11/2022 20:20

How old is your child? I had a similar, albeit less extreme, falling out with a primary school mum. Just told DD they were busy and we'd try again next month and invited others in the meantime. The friendship eventually fizzled

Oooooooooooooh · 30/11/2022 20:22

Just explain that you and Fred's mum don't get on so it can't happen. Glad they are friends at school etc as Fred's lovely etc
Even if they are 5 it matters to be honest

GLADragss · 30/11/2022 20:25

I’m sure there’s other things your son wants that he can’t have, how do you handle those conversations?

RedoneP · 30/11/2022 20:29
  1. Bit awkward as we live in same place and they'll go to secondary school together.
OP posts:
RedoneP · 30/11/2022 20:30

Tbh he doesn't ask for much! I just know if I explain to him Fred's mum doesn't like me he'll tell Fred and I'll get more wrath!

OP posts:
Oooooooooooooh · 30/11/2022 20:35

Where has anyone said to say Fred's mum does like you ?

Oooooooooooooh · 30/11/2022 20:38

*doesn't

RedoneP · 30/11/2022 20:41

She's been gossiping at school. Filthy looks, barging past me. Tbh I'm wondering if her boyfriend made it up to isolate her but her relationship isn't my concern tbh.

OP posts:
RedoneP · 30/11/2022 20:44

Plus I think the social media snub and the name calling is a big hint!

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LlynTegid · 30/11/2022 21:10

Abusive messages, could be considered a criminal offence. Intimidating other parents, likewise.

Sorry that Fred has such an unpleasant mother but you are doing the right thing.

Rollerpiggy · 01/04/2023 20:25

The boyfriend is probably gaslighting her, manipulating and lying to her to make her feel unsteady and paranoid. Classic isolating behaviour, but not your problem. Tell you child that Fred and his family are really busy, so it can’t happen, but then invited other kids over and try to get your child new friends. The mum is unhinged and you should avoid as much as possible. Report any threats to the police.

OllytheCollie · 01/04/2023 20:48

It's hard when your DS is little but I favour the being honest approach. Just say to your DS you and Fred's mum don't get on so he can't come over. You don't need to criticize her to DS, keep it neutral, Fred doesn't need to hear any criticism as it's not his fault his mum behaves like this. Sometimes kids don't get on. Sometimes adults don't. We don't have to pretend to be friends with people we don't like. We just have to not cause trouble or be spiteful ( though having been in your shoes I totally wanted to!).

Separately if Fred's mum harassed you again I would go to the police. It's pointless speculating about whether the boyfriend is affecting her or whethet she was always like this. It's horrible and you should not have to put up with it.

I had similar with a neighbour. Turned out she had done it to half the village so it was less isolating. In fact a couple of years on they don't seem to be on speaking terms with anyone. But our kids still talk and I have been clear the adult fallout has nothing to do with them.

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