Be gentle with me please, I do know how important the tests are.
I am 35 and have never had a smear test. I have vaginismus, where my vagina tightens up when I try to insert something into it. I can't use tampons, have never enjoyed (and so don't have) penetrative sex, and even inserting my own fingers is painful and uncomfortable. I am fine with medical or 'scary' things in any other respect: dentist visits, blood tests etc. I have had several operations and spent a lot of time in hospital due to a medical condition and am generally very laid back about medical procedures, so it really isn't just a case of squeamishness. Inserting anything into my vagina is genuinely painful and I can't seem to stop my muscles from tensing up.
I desperately want to have the smear test. I know how important they are and what the potential consequences are of not having them. A friend of a friend recently died from cervical cancer, she was three years younger than me. I did book a test, but when the nurse tried to insert the speculum I tensed up and couldn't let her put it in. We had several tries, and it ended up with me in tears and her saying she felt she couldn't go ahead given how distressed I was getting. She suggested we try again another day but I was so ashamed at wasting NHS time that I haven't been back.
I've tried to talk to my GP about this, asked if I could have some sort of sedative or numbing, but she was very dismissive and basically told me to breathe through it and I'll be ok, that it's normal to be anxious but that it won't be painful. I couldn't get her to understand that I know it will be painful because trying to insert anything into my vagina is and has always been extremely painful.
If anyone has been in my situation and has any advice I would really appreciate it. Thankyou.