Help me, I'm in a mess.

[Starlight229]

I have name changed for this. I don't know where to start. I have 2 children 1 in secondary, one in primary school. I don't live in the UK and primary school here have a very long summer, 13 weeks plus all the other midterms etc. I gave up work when my 2nd child was born, before this my parents looked after dd but dm became ill and unable to do this. So I've been a sahm since, I also have a post viral illness which makes me extremely tired. DH is very supportive, he works pays for everything but I feel such a failure. I'm also very shy, I have no friends, no hobbies and I'm in such a mess. Ideally I would like to work 2 days a week just to get out but I can't find anything, only full time. I live very rurally, 6 miles from nearest bus stop so I have to bring both kids to school. What can i do? Even some suggestions for how to keep my mind busy. I have tried volunteering but can't do shop work as I find standing too tiring. I contacted local volunteering organisations but no response. I just feel utterly down and can't see a way out.

What did you do before you had children?

What kind of work is available near you - if you’re not in the Uk it might help to say if it’s somewhere where there is a lot of hospitality or industry etc

Can you start by volunteering a few hours at the school /being part of the PTA if there is such a thing, with a view to being a TA, lunchtime assistant etc when you are well.

try to find a job where you can work from home

Also can you take driving lessons now and look to get a car in the future to help with your commute?

Are there things you're interested in and would like to learn about? I live rurally and don't drive etc but I go to online workshops, in my case, art and writing. Considerable numbers of them are free or very low cost, too. Then I write and paint. Will it ever lead to anything I don't know but it gives me massive pleasure and engagement and I'm never bored.

Just pick something you used to have a passion for and start there.

Also like you might be able to hire a childminder to take/collect your kids from school

I can drive, I meant I have to be here to take the kids to school. Before kids I had a admin job, I'm not really qualified in anything, I tried a book keeping course, thinking I could do that, but found it quite difficult. I would like to learn about writing, what courses have you done @heldinadream
I live in a farming community( although I don't like animals🤣) I looked for a job today online, within a 70km area there were 17 jobs, all full time. Some in retail, care homes.
I would love a job where I worked from home but I can't seem to find anything!

Our local community farm is always looking for volunteers, you can work any hours that suit and do stuff outdoors or indoors like sitting down packing boxes. Would that work?

What about call centre type places? Can they be done from home?

Ok bear with me I'm looking for some links for you.

How these things work is that there are tons of people out there running longer paid for courses, but they virtually all do taster workshops for free on zoom etc because that's how they get people. And (I've done longer courses in real life pre-pandemic) I find one-off workshops are very often enough to keep my inspired and encourage me to write so there's no need to make bigger more expensive commitments unless you want to.

I delete a lot of my emails these days so I'm looking around for links that might lead you somewhere but it might take me a while to get my head round it.

Ok here's a couple to get you going.
I'll try and find some more but if I don't PLEASE feel free to get back to me again and ask. I'm actually away over the next week so I might not get back to this but I'm really happy to help and I think it's great you're interested in writing.
www.writersbureaucourse.com/courses/introduction-to-creative-writing?msclkid=9c066d77efc7166815c80ef082d2ff0e

writershq.co.uk/free-creative-writing-courses/

I’m doing the novelry classic course. Really enjoying it. Lots about reading rather than writing in it as well (so a gentle start).

And here's a quote to inspire you, from a woman who wrote one of the best ever books on writing, Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott. She has a facebook page too which is worth a look (bit religious in places but it's possible to ignore those bits). I'll stop now because I don't want to hijack the thread and stop other people from coming in with other ideas. Best of luck @Starlight229

"I still encourage anyone who feels at all compelled to write to do so. I just try to warn people who hope to get published that publication is not all that it is cracked up to be. But writing is. Writing has so much to give, so much to teach, so many surprises. That thing you had to force yourself to do — the actual act of writing — turns out to be the best part. It’s like discovering that while you thought you needed the tea ceremony for the caffeine, what you really needed was the tea ceremony. The act of writing turns out to be its own reward.
"I tell my students that the odds of their getting published and of it bringing them financial security, peace of mind, and even joy are probably not that great. Ruin, hysteria, bad skin, unsightly tics, ugly financial problems, maybe; but probably not peace of mind. I tell them that I think they ought to write anyway." -- Anne Lamott

@heldinadream thank you so much for taking the time to send me those links. I will definitely have a read and sign up for one.

@Starlight229 brilliant! It's a pleasure. 🙂

Hope things really turn round for you.

Have you heard of Coursera and Skillshare? For free online courses, sometimes a small fee. Distance learning courses from college aren't always expensive either. If there's no distance learning in your country you could do a UK course, lots of UK colleges have international students so I don't see why it would be any different for the distance learning courses. Not all qualifications are nationally or internationally recognised, some belong only to the college. The ones that are, those courses will be more expensive and have stricter time limits.

For jobs, you could start something self employed.

Volunteer work where I am isn't advertised but if you ask the organisations they're happy to have help. We've got litter picking a nature reserve and the village (two different groups), two animal shelters, horse riding for disabled people, two museums in different nearby towns, charity shops and a foodbank. All have volunteers.

If you don't know of any organizations to ask, ask at the local church, either the church official will know or there will maybe be social groups connected to the church which you can attend and the people there will know. I don't know how it is in your country but in UK you don't need to be religious to attend the social groups.

Do you have a town hall or a library or other community hub, maybe in the nearest town? Those are places where community groups meet or put up leaflets on the noticeboard.

For solo activity I like doing cross-stitch.

You're not a failure. You're unwell, frustrated and isolated. Those last two can definitely be fixed. Things will get better for you.

@Sindonym that sounds good, I think a gentle start would suit me, do you have a link to that course?

@Zodiacsigns thank you, you're reply actually made me cry. I think the fact I haven't got any friends doesn't help. I'm scared to join groups because I'll have to go alone and I feel so self conscious, it's a vicious cycle really because I know there's a good chance I would make some friends if I got out there. I will try some local Facebook groups, see if they have any need for volunteers. I have looked at some courses but think I need to look again and not give up at the first hurdle.

Yes it's hard when you're shy. Nothing for it but to screw up your courage and just do it.

If it helps, have an excuse ready for why you have to leave, then go along to the first meeting with the idea of talking to the course/group leader to find out what it's about for half hour, then make your excuses and leave. It doesn't feel so daunting to commit to half hour and only speaking to one person. If you're enjoying it you can stay and talk to more people, but you needn't commit to that from the outset.

If you decide to get involved and go back, ask the group leader to introduce you to some people once you get there. Most people, if someone is introduced, will make an effort to chat to them. And most organisers faced with that request would have the sense to introduce you to someone chatty and friendly in the first place. At least you'll have one thing in common, the reason for the group.

You don't have to stay forever either. Maybe mentally commit to 6 months to give the group a chance then if you're not liking the activities or people, or if you're feeling bored, try a different group. Obviously if there's bullying or anything then just get out of there, life's too short for nonsense like that.

Also do a trial run first so the journey and venue are familiar. It takes away some of the first day nerves to know you're not going to get lost, be late or accidentally wander into the wrong place. All of which can make you feel flustered. So best to get it out of the way on a different day.

Don't feel bad if your health means you can't last the whole group out. If eg an hour is your limit then you need to rest/go home, just say so. Nobody is going to mind (and if they do they're a knob, so who cares what they think).

Give it a try, you'll be fine once you get into it. I moved around a lot so I know how it is, being the new person. You get used to it and it gets easier with practice. My best tip is not to focus on yourself and how you're being, focus on the activity and getting to know the other people. Good luck!

Have you thought about an Open University degree?

This is what I did when I found myself still fairly feeble with PVFatigue and then looking after my mum. So I was stuck at home most of the time.

It's more expensive now than when I did it, but it really helped me deal with my massive loss of confidence and thoughts of the years going by with me losing experience and skills.

If you have post viral fatigue be extremely careful not to take on too much and make yourself seriously more ill. You are already doing a lot and using a lot of energy looking after your dc. An organisation called Astriid focuses specifically on finding very flexible volunteering or paid work for people with chronic illnesses. Have a look at their website.

It’s the classic course here www.thenovelry.com/?utm_medium=ppc&utm_term=creative%20writing%20courses&utm_campaign=Writing+Course%2BSEARCH%2BUK&utm_source=adwords&hsa_mt=b&hsa_cam=17191446623&hsa_grp=137202926335&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&hsa_tgt=kwd-16324780&hsa_acc=1312042800&hsa_ad=636984580474&hsa_kw=creative%20writing%20courses&hsa_src=g&gclid=Cj0KCQiAm5ycBhCXARIsAPldzoUbKViuCAsvTrTBXKcu4HTLi_VDMwaJNIoDXQCKi_Uwy9U2IDRtGnAaAtBDEALw_wcB it’s not particularly cheap though!

I would move. You sound isolated to me, and unhappy.