Child's irritating silliness

[Meddley]

Posting here to see if anyone can relate to it as it is driving me mad.

Dd (5) is at Reception. She is very lively and social but has started developing this silliness from around the age of 3. And I'm not talking about your normal silliness typical of a child of her age, it's non stop, affecting her activities and her attitude towards school.

Most of the time you can't have a serious conversation with her, anything you say she'll find a rhyme: I.e. shall we go to the shop? She'll reply : shall we go to the poop? Did you eat your dinner? She'll say: you mean your vener, your vener? followerd by laughter. This is non-stop!!!

She used to do tennis and the coaches can be a bit jokey and silly to keep the kids engaged, she goes crazy, jumps on the coaches, laughs, again finds rhymes to whatever they are saying...and so on. Not really interested in the activity itself. Needles to say, she is not doing tennis anymore.

She loved her nurseries. Her behaviour was always very good. She is compliant, she loves her routines, she makes friends easily and she can also be very quiet and concentrate for ages on things that she loves (writing or art).

She couldn't wait to start school. At the stay and play session, there was another boy, Logan (not his real name) and she started asking the teachers: is he a Log? Is he log? Followed by laughter. She joked throughout the session and at the end of it I told the teachers I would like to tone down this a bit as I want her to concentrate more on learning.

She started off at school on a high note, but it became evident that the teachers are very strict and they don't engage with this silly behaviour and she slowly started hating school. BTW, she is well behaved and compliant, she retains all the information she learns, she know all her sight words, she learns a lot, but she is not engaging with the teachers from what the teachers are saying, and as a result they don't really know where she is with reading for example. She came home with a higher level book before (sentences plus sight words), now they put her on a lower band (just simples CVC words) because they think she is not ready. Well, we read much higher level books at home, she knows all the sight words and I expect the school should be stretching her. But if she is not engaging, they won't know that.

I suspect her lack of engagement is a protest due to the fact they don't put up with her silliness. She finds them harsh and tells me she doesn't like school.

I don't want to break her spirit as she has so many good qualities, she is very kind, empathetic and has lots of friends, but this is driving me mad and seems to impact her.

Any words of advice will be much appreciated.

She sounds like she is a lovely little girl who acts lightheartedly as a way of relieving stress and u winding from the pressure to behave in the classroom.

Why not buy her a book Spike Milligan poems as it sounds like she would really enjoy them.

www.poemhunter.com/spike-milligan/

You sound great OP, very sensitive and empathetic. I think you're in a really tricky situation here because truthfully kids who are silly and over the top are really annoying to be around and it's not behaviour that's very easy to accommodate. What about trying some play therapy to see if there's any way to release the high spirits outside of teaching settings?

Sounds tricky. How old was she when she was jumping on the tennis coaches? Has she grown out of that now?

I'm sorry, is this beyond the average amount of silliness for a 5 year old? A lot of 5 year olds I've known are very silly, struggle to sit quietly and can be loud - they almost always grow out of it.

I'd be really careful about making school be the 'bad guy' with telling them to cut down on her silliness etc. Her hating school won't help and I would be worried about alienating her. Making sure communication is open so the school do know what she's doing at home etc might help with this.

Good luck - I'd just reiterate that kids find change hard, that kids are usually silly (almost the definition of childish!) and that a love for school really helps children get on in life IMO.

She was about 3.5 - 4 years old when she was doing that. We stopped tennis lessons now, so I don't know if she would still do it. I expect she would.

She does other activities (for instance gymnastics) but the teachers are quite strict (and kind at the same time) and so she is very well behaved. Still loves the activity.

Thank you, that's lovely. She will love that!

Thank you, I'll look into play therapy. Don't know much about it x

I agree with this. There will be lots of people saying this is normal for a 5 year old, but I don't agree. Would most 4/5 year olds jump on a tennis coach? I don't think so.

OP - do you think there was time when this was 'cute' and as she's got bigger it's got annoying? I think this is a common problem - when they are 2 or 3 we laugh when they do silly or funny things and the child loves it and enjoys the attention. Then as they get bigger most kids grow out of it, but some don't and we get annoyed by it, and it's confusing for the child. It could just be a lack of emotional maturity and she might grow out of it at she sees her peers behave differently. Kids want to fit in usually.

Perhaps at home you can just ignore the silliness - just respond with a simple, and neutral 'I can only understand you when you speak to me properly please' or similar. Don't punish it but don't reward it.

As for school, I'd take a matter of fact approach there too. She's clearly very bright and clever so explain the teachers can't have 30 children all acting crazy all day - that's why they have to be strict.

Thank you for your great advice.

We didn't think this 'silliness' had the potential to impact her so much, so before starting school we didn't do much about it hoping shell grow out of it or if the teachers are strict then she'll just comply (which she does) but obviously resents it.

Sounds like my son. He eventually got diagnosed with ADHD, but it only ever showed as "silliness" not bad behaviour, as he hasn't got a mean or malicious bone in his body, so most adults sort of tolerated him for a long time and rolled their eyes and got infuriated, but never took it further because it was "just" silliness.

(As in, because he was a likeable kid who was eager to please, it hid the problems he had)

We're there any other signs of ADHD?

I did think of it, but this is really her only symptom. She can sit still for hours if she needs to, her attention span and her concentration are very good for her age too.

Don't give her all of Spike's poems though. He was a manic depressive and it shows in poems like 'Me' (which I know off by heart from teenagerhood) and others.

Ogden Nash is another good one by the way.

The song of canaries
Never varies
And when they're moulting
They're pretty revolting

That kind of nonsense!

How have you always reacted to her when she does this stuff?
Did you laugh, give lots of positive attention? See it as really cute?

If she's had a lot of positive reinforcement then maybe it's time to go neutral.

Rhymes something and you reply ok, we'll talk when you aren't being silly.
And go make a cup of tea.

Change the subject.
Act as though she didn't say the daft thing and have a normal conversation.

My eldest son has always liked what we call "silly talk". It's different to your situation because he's autistic. (He's also 23 and in uni and owns and drives a car). But we have worked together and we understand that 'silly talk' is important to him and he understands the concept of time and place. It is for home only and only by agreement. And if we are trying to be serious and he starts on one of his topics and won't engage properly, we say to him it's not time for silly talk. And end conversations if he won't stop.

I'm just wondering if a similar approach would be worth trying?

It's ok to be daft.
Hell. I'm nearly 50 and pissed about like a 5 year old with my husband this morning till we couldn't talk for laughing.
It's an important part of life

What she needs to learn is not how to never be silly, but when it is and is not ok to be silly.

5 year olds can be silly of course but it sounds like your daughter is using silliness to cover up things that she might be struggling with in school. Just because she's reading well at home doesn't mean it's that easy for her in a school environment - the classroom can be noisy and distracting. I'd consider taking her to get her eyes tested and a hearing check if she hasn't had that as standard in reception.

My DD can be like this, and is currently being assessed for ASD. I don't think she also has ADHD but it is something we're keeping an eye on as girls often don't have the H bit.

We never gave her positive reinforcement. What we usually say now is: this is silly talk, we don't like it and we will listen to you when you can talk properly. She usually laughs at it, but sometimes it works.

I agree, I don't want her to completely stop being silly, but I want her to understand there is a time and place for it.

Sometimes I remind her before an activity or school of expected behaviour. Don't know if that helps her, but I think it's good to keep that up. Like I said, she always follows the class routine, she sits and complies with teachers requests but then I guess her silly self wants to come out and she gets put down (that's what I'm getting from her).

She has a few hearing tests, she is fine. But I did consider getting her eyes checked.

You say she responds well to the structured approach of her gymnastics coaches - could you find her another physical activity that also requires discipline, such as a martial art?

One of my cousin's children was a bit like this (and I won't lie, their behaviour was irritating to both children and adults) and took up Tae Kwon Do. It suited them perfectly and they're now in their early teens and very good (high grades and lots of awards etc).

She may well just be a high-energy child who needs to channel that drive and energy.

I did wonder if she is trying to mask something but she only started school in Sept, this behaviour had been going on since the age of 3. What could possibly a 3 yo try to mask? There was no pressure on her of any kind.

She used to go to a private nursery which she loved, the teachers were wonderful and huggy and kind and also a bit 'silly' to engage with the kids, I wonder if that had an impact? I'll never know.

Thank you for the suggestion. That is worth trying as she does like a structure.

It sounds to me like she is looking for attention and a bit of love, children who I've taught who are like this have been quite insecure really, and found it quite hard to build and maintain relationships (not helped by the fact this behaviour is quite annoying!). It's sad she hates school, just because her personality is a bit irritating doesn't mean she should be put off school at such a young age 😔

What would a 5 yo be insecure about in your experience? I'm asking because I genuinely want to know.

Love this post and advice.

I agree it's probably a clumsy bid for connection, so I'd try to connect without engaging with the silliness,. Unless it's a good time for silliness (which there should definitely be some of in life!)