Struggling with 12 yo

[NowWhatUsernameShallIHave]

Long story short I’m a single parent with one child

said child is just constantly lying even though they know I know and this isn’t a recent thing

it can be anywhere from 2 times a day to 6 or 7

its always about the same things
brushing teeth , having a shower, whether or not food in school bag has been eaten or thrown away, helping themselves to sweet treats even though they were allowed some earlier and screen time

I’ve seriously had enough

i have had the talk about being trustworthy and that telling lies is worse than the actual thing that’s been done or not done

any suggestions?

Maybe a checklist that they have to do before settling down to homework etc? I know it's annoying but these aren't "big" lies. The child is just telling you what you want to hear, for some combo of getting an easy life, appeasing you, embarrassment that they forgot. Would you rather they said "no I didn't brush my teeth" and then outright refuse to do it? In practice you'd be a lot further from them actually brushing their teeth.

I think you want them to JFD the things you ask, then they wouldn't have to lie about it, and you wouldn't have to nag. So put some structure in place, with their input, to help them do the things.

Disclaimer: I have an autistic child, which affects our approach a lot!

Address what they’re lying about. So why are they not wanting to brush their teeth? Why do they throw away food in their school bag? Is it that they don’t understand about personal hygiene? Run out of time in the morning? It hurts their gums? Is it that they don’t like the food? Too much food? Don’t have time to eat it? Work out the problem and try to work together to find a solution.

People also lie when they’re scared about someone’s reaction to whatever it is they’ve done (or haven’t done, in some cases!) Is your 12yo scared of making you disappointed/angry, and lying to avoid being punished or feel guilty?

As you quite rightly say, lying is worse than the actual thing that’s been done or not done, so the consequences of lying should be worse too.

@Climbie

my child is being tested for being on the spectrum albeit high functioning

Anyone??

My 13 year ild is the same. Feel like im repeating the same old mantras like shes a toddler again. Its hard work

I am autistic and hate brushing my teeth (I do it now I'm in my 40's) it's a sensory thing. It could be that or it could be just being a lazy teenager. But I used to avoid it as much as I could get away with when younger. Similarly I snack on rubbish because it means I don't have to think/plan what I want or how to make another type of snack because I find that actually quite hard. Also with the treats it could be impulse control, which I think is an autistic trait tho to be fair I think I'd have trouble keeping my hands out of our treat tin even if I wasn't ND! I appreciate that doesn't help you with the lying part of things but just wanted to add my own experience in case it helped.