Not a TAAT but after reading the thread from the poster who'd said she hadn't had a great turnout for her birthday, it got me thinking about events I've been to or organised for myself.
It doesn't seem it is down to covid, nor a 'sign of the times' from my experience/circle anyway. People have always been flaky.
My 18th in the late 90s had 1 of my friends turn up. Others including my housemate, best friend, work colleagues, college friends all gave vague responses and didn't come. Best friend rang the day before saying she'd got the date mixed up and was commited to being elsewhere. The lovely friend whose house I was having it at (more central, larger place etc) gathered some of her own friends who I'd met and told them all people had let me down and a good handful of them came and it was a really good night in the end, but no thanks to people I'd invited.
I had my 21st meal in the restaurant I worked at. Again, only one of my friends turned up, those who had committed, plenty more declined or didn't RSVP. A few flaky excuses days or hours before. Some colleagues came out with me for a drink once they'd finished work. Best friend had a dodgy-sounding excuse.
Another birthday, drinks and watching a gig in town. Met local friend to have a few drinks before the gig and told everyone else I'd invited where we'd be. Most people didn't respond but several said they'd come but never got in touch when the night arrived. Best friend along with another friend were meeting me at a certain bar, didn't show up. Finally showed up at about 11pm when the night was almost over, very obviously worse for wear and then went home.
A friend's 40th some years ago, she'd hired a hall and I felt sorry for her, I forget the finer details but it was very empty. I can't remember the ins and outs right now but I've been to a lot of events like that, as a lot of posters said on the thread I mention. Another one is a summer BBQ my parents organised a few years back, invited about 90 people including family, old and new friends, neighbours-they're a lot of fun and all drink and food provided, music, plenty of seats etc and about 25 came, some not bothering to respond
As I got older I decided I wasn't going to organise anything for myself at all. It's just not worth it. People generally are busy, don't feel like it on the day, forget and arrange something else or just don't want to come and celebrate other people's 'things'.
I didn't plan anything for my 30th, decided to just go out for a nice meal with my partner and then to my local. It ws much better with no pressure. Birthdays before that, same. I decided what I'd like my day to look like and did that, by myself or with partner/one other friend.
My last significant birthday I put a post on fb saying I was going to be at a local venue watching a fun/comedy act I'd hired. Come if you want/don't if you don't but if you definitely want to let me know as I can reserve X number of seats at no further cost. Of friends who aren't on fb who I thought may like to come, I sent a msg so they were also aware.
It was a fabulous night, I really did enjoy it. Close family came which was lovely, but of my friends, around 20 said they'd come and didn't. One old friend who was staying over came, one new friend came (newEST actually, I'd only lived where I lived for 9 or so months and friend was a neighbour I had befriended ) and one other friend who'd originally said he couldn't make it but at around 21:00 his prior engagement fell through, he kindly showed up. Another didn't turn up after saying they definitely would and asked for a seat (meaning a seat was reserved unnecessarily), several declined, most people, no response at all.
After that happened, a woman I've known years but wouldn't class as a friend messaged me, clearly very annoyed that she'd not received a personal invitation. The same woman I'd classed as my best friend for years who'd let me down on aforementioned occasions, sometimes right at the last minute.
This isn't a bitter post-I am much happier for having realised organising things jsut doesn't work for me, and deciding to do my own thing, offer it and if people want to come, they'll come but don't expect.
I was just wondering if these are typical experiences, or if I've just been unlucky/had crap friends throughout life?
I've noted some of my friends always seem to have a much better turnout-interested to know what people think makes the difference?
Plenty of notice? Offering something people really want? Luck with the date they pick? Something else entirely?
Of course It's different if someone really can't make it or even declines politely as It's not their thing. It's more the no shows/no RSVP people I suppose.