Hello, I've name changed for this as it is outing. I'm cross but also feeling guilty.
I booked a trip to Spain to see old friends. We've been trying to get together for most of this year and finally put next week aside lovely.
An old uni friend lives 3 hours away in another spanish city. He has no connection with my host friends.
He knew of my plans to visit and asked if we could meet up. His then girlfriend has access to a flat close to where I'm staying. We'd meet up for lunch. Ok. This was end of October.
A week later, He messaged to say he'd split up with girlfriend, not entirely unexpected. But he didn't want to come down anymore. Obviously he had no accommodation and there were bad memories with the area. Fine. These things happen.
Followed up by asking if I could now go to him. A 6 hour round trip on train. I said no - I'm only visiting for a weekend and it would annoy the friends I'm staying with. He suggested I change my flight, so could stay over at his and cut down on travelling and fly home from his town....
Offer then promptly rescinded before time to reply as he's seeing someone else and didn't want to put pressure on new relationship by having old female friend over.(!) This is days after his split with long term girlfriend. No idea what caused the split. I ignored this message and didn't expect any more discussion.
A message arrived this morning asking what my plans were for the weekend. He's around and can 'squeeze' me in. Am I coming on train? He has commitments. No offer to pick up from station or timings. For context. I fly Saturday am and return to UK Monday am. Sunday my only full day.
I explained again Its a 2 day trip and I don't want to spend all my time travelling or not seeing friends I am staying with. It wasn't personal but practical..
and besides I don't entirely trust him with my time. He's the type who would leave you high and dry after an hour. He's got form for this. He once left a mutual friend at airport pre covid, uncontactaable withphone off, when he was expecting to be collected and put up. They no longer speak. Slight game playing.
However, he's had serious mental health issues in the past and im worried his behaviour is showing signs of being erratic.
He struggles with friendships, particularly with men. He can be lovely, generous and he really looked out for my son when he was travelling this summer.
Equally, he has no concept of someone giving up time. He doesn't have many friends and is quite rigid in his views and can be very unreliable.
I'm cross at his expectations and lack of understanding. But worried he's slipping mentally without a support network.