Obstinate 2 year old- what to do?

[PineappleBrazilNutsandMaccasFries]

I am sleep deprived so please be kind.

I have a 5 yo in school, 2 yo does 3 short days at nursery and is home the rest of the time, and a 3 month old that I am on mat leave with. On a Monday we go to a toddler group which 2 yo loves. However she is going through a phase of refusing to get dressed (amongst other things she doesn't want to do- although she is generally well behaved, learning to use her manners, interacts nicely with her siblings and other children and is perfectly behaved at nursery apparently!). She is very heavy and extremely strong. I am unwilling to fight her into her clothes as the force required would potentially hurt her.

I have tried giving her a choice of clothing ('this item or this item?' rather than whole wardrobe so as not to overwhelm), I have tried natural consequences ('no XX group if you don't get dressed'), I have tried ignoring til she comes round and I have tried no other activities/engagement til she gets dressed....nothing is working! We are not going this morning as now too late 🙈

Currently making myself a cup of tea and letting the internal rage dissipate while she sits in her bedroom in just her nappy 😵‍💫

As a parent I try to tread the line between firm and fair/caring. I am definitely not permissive but also try to validate their feelings a provide strategies to help them learn to self regulate... This morning I am tired and out of ideas! If it was the school run I'd chuck her in the car in her pyjamas, if it was a drs appointment I'd physically just have to get her dressed, but for a toddler group which mostly benefits her and is for her enjoyment, I feel that neither of these are really appropriate- it sort of feels like the all out war/screaming by pinning her down and forcing her to get dressed isn't worth it. Am I being a crappy permissive parent here or just being sensible and picking my battles?

Oh toddlers! I have no helpful advice, just sympathy…

🤣 thank you, this made me laugh

No advice here either as they’re a law to themselves, but I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong! Good luck!

I think you are right to pick your battles. I have a very strong willed 3 year old and we have this a lot. She's in nursery daily though so we've set up some routines so that she knows what we expect and some consquences for her not getting dressed when asked to, such as taking away whatever toy it is she's messing about with instead of getting dressed. But still I have mornings where I just want to bellow 'get fucking dressed and stop being such an arse!' I don't obviously, but hoo, they're trying at this age. You have my sympathy.

You sound like a great parent.
Mine was the same starting about 2. We tried different tactics and one of them would usually work. Turning it into a race, pretending to put things on wrong like tshirt on her legs so she would correct me, counting items like "number one, pants, number 2 let's do your tshirt, can we get all the way to number 9 hat?". Just things that made it more fun or so she didn't realise she was actually getting dressed! It didn't work every single time but definitely helped. It sounds tedious but it's quicker than negotiating or dealing with a tantrum.
Getting dressed is boring and uncomfortable. I hate having to get dressed some mornings so I can see why toddlers are resistant to it!

I read the title and thought, "is there such a thing as a non obstinate 2 year old!?"

At that age my DD was very particular about what she wore. I would get her dressed and if she didn't like it she would take it off and put something else on. After a while I left her to it but it meant lots of nice clothes didn't get worn. but we had battles over eating and staying in her own bed. I wasn't willing to add clothes as another battle.
Sorry not sure that's helpful but good luck!

this turn it into a game! I have a strong willed independent 2 year old who as an adult is either going to rule the world or a prison gang.....! I pretend I've lost his toes and then tickle them when I've found them as they poke through the end of his jeans and just mad daft stuff like this. My 7 year old can also be a bit strong-willed at getting dressed and a few days ago I was cooking something in the microwave and we turned it into a race, worked a treat and she's never got dressed faster in her life lol keep going mamma you got this 💪🏻

I love the fact that she is sitting in her room in her nappy😁 , probably expecting you to dress her and take her to toddler group when she feels ready . " sorry sweetheart toddler group is closed now , too late . "