Was this abusive/neglectful and would you have said something?

[Plingston]

Whilst in town over the weekend, I witnessed an incident which made me uncomfortable. My husband and I were walking behind a dad and his two sons on a narrow path. The youngest child (maybe around 6 years old) tripped over and started crying. Instead of checking him over and making sure he was ok, his dad got angry and refused to deal with him. He stormed off ahead saying "no, not interested, all your own fault. I told you not to mess around. I don't care. Not interested". I had a quick look at the kids hands and they weren't bleeding but a bit grazed and he was probably shocked and in pain.

I was really taken aback by his dad's reaction. He seemed embarrassed that his son was crying and reluctant to be seen being affectionate or caring. The boy didn't seem to be messing around, just happily walking along and tripped over, as kids do.

The kid didn't stop crying and was walking quite slowly after his dad, with us having to walk at the same speed quite close behind. He started loudly crying for his mummy. I really wanted to say something. My husband told me to leave it because he thought he'd be the kind of person to give me a mouthful if I did and it would make things worse. He did have to keep turning around because he'd got ahead of his son and I gave him a bit of a 'look'. He seemed awkward because my husband and I had seen the whole thing and were clearly unimpressed. At that point he left the path with his son and reluctantly dealt with him.

My husband said it wasn't abuse or neglect but just shit parenting from a bloke who thinks it's not manly to express sadness or show affection. Hearing that little boy crying for his mum because he was in pain and his dad just walked off was upsetting. I did consider talking to the kid myself but thought being approached by a stranger might make things worse. He didn't seem physically harmed, just wanted to be comforted I think. I suppose his dad did stop and deal with him in the end, however annoyed he seemed about it.

Would you have said something to the dad?

The incident was not as long as I've probably made it sound so I guess it was all resolved quite quickly but it felt wrong.

I don't think it's abusive or neglectful.

Sounds like a parent who'd reached the end of their tether telling their child to stop messing about or else they'd get hurt.

They carried on and got hurt and maybe that was the consequence. If he'd banged his head or was pouring blood it might be different.

Would you have said something to the dad? - No because you never know how that person will react and being on a lonely footpath there is less chance of help.

Yeah, it just felt different somehow. He didn't seem exasperated, more angry and embarrassed. The kid wasn't messing around, he was just walking and tripped over. I suppose it wasn't abusive and it would have been inappropriate for me to interfere. And he did eventually have a look at him.

You witnessed a snapshot of their lives. The dad may may have previously told the kid a million times to walk properly along the path and you have stated that he did eventually stop and give attention to the child.

Whilst it’s good to look out for others I see lots of these types of post and I can’t help but feel that some women are subconsciously wanting to see abuse where there is none and see themselves as some kind of unspoken saviour.

It is unkind and pathetic parenting with likely possible emotional consequences for the child and their future children - but no, it isn't something that would hit the definition of abuse IMO.

I agree with your DH My husband said it wasn't abuse or neglect but just shit parenting from a bloke who thinks it's not manly to express sadness or show affection - this is pretty comon still.

Poor kid! I remember a kid crying when he came out of school, he must have been 6/7 and his dad just repeating over and over that he should stop crying rather than help him with the problem

Do you have kids OP?

Maybe he was angry and embarrassed. That doesn't make him abusive or neglectful.

I see a lot of threads on here from women who are angry and embarrassed because their child has thrown an almighty tantrum or been silly and refused to listen to basic instructions. They always get an outpouring of support and are told it's fine to feel like that sometimes because parenting is hard work.

Not an isolated, lonely path at all. Just a very narrow path near a supermarket car park. There was a wall on one side and parked cars on the other. I only mentioned the narrowness because it meant we were stuck right behind the boy as he was struggling to catch up to his dad storming off. My husband says I am a bit too involved in things sometimes but I often worry that I have underreacted. I felt guilty for not saying something to either the dad or the child but it seems that I should stop worrying about it.

Yes, I have two children, one a similar age to this boy. Both of us would have checked his hands and knees, reassured him that he's fine and carried on with our day. I wouldn't storm off and leave him on the floor.

I don't see myself as some kind of saviour. I felt like a bit of a coward for not saying something when perhaps I should have.

No you should mind your own business. Being a bit sharp with your kid is not the same as child abuse. You don't know what's going on in their lives the poor bloke was probably worried about how he was going to pay his electric bill or something

I don't understand what there was to say, though? You can't go around telling parents off for not dealing with trips and falls in the same way you would.

Lots of children will pick themselves up and carry on when they realise they're not getting any fuss. He wasn't bleeding, he didn't hit his head or have any open wounds - he just tripped and had a bit of a shock.

You also don't know the back story, how long they'd been out or how many times he'd had to be told to pack it in up until that point.