Why are so many of us bad at standing up for ourselves or telling people what we think

[choccyscoffy]

So often on here I see women being too timid to tell someone what they think often it seems just for fear of hurting someone 's feelings or the other person being mad.

I wonder what makes us like that. I used to be really bad at standing up for myself and got bullied and treated badly by people as a result.

I am better at it now but I've never really understood what was missing that made me be so unassertive, and I know I'm not the only one.

I don't think my mum really taught me to stand up for myself either and it's only been in her latter years that she's done so. My DH's dad wasn't used to people standing up to him either. DH is getting used to it.

I don't get why we are like this. I think one of the best things we can do is teach our kids to stand up for themselves.

Upbringing and socialisation probably.

This. My mother is a shy, socially-awkward woman who brought up her daughters to be pushovers, prioritise other peoples’ wishes, especially men’s, and that we would be (justifiably!) disliked if we ever said no to anyone. Fortunately we all pushed back against it and are assertive adults with good friendships and good boundaries, but it took some work in young adulthood.

My mother was depressed and taught us to meet her needs. My father was very introverted. Both of them had parents with mental health issues.
I never had time to figure out my own needs and even now with a busy family of my own - I still don’t. No idea when someone asks something of me, or critiques me - whether they are being unfair. It usually has to be pointed out to me.
I think it also depends on whether you are bullied at a young age, when you don’t really know what bullying is. This makes you unaware of when to be assertive.

Sometimes I think it's better to just walk away and keep the peace. Don't react to people and their negativity.

My DH had a drink problem - was a horrible misery, angry - so I was brought up with people putting up with horrible behaviour as challenging him made it worse.

Shit childhood. Not feeling as though what I felt mattered at all. Still find it hard to assert myself and I’m 54.

I just hate confrontation so that's why I sometimes don't stand up for myself. Generally I'll not say anything but if I'm not happy with a situation I'll just walk away.

I've tried a different approach at work over the last few years and honestly - I don't like it! So much hassle and conflict and I don't think it's done my career any favours.

I'm autistic and people have told me I'm too blunt. I'm not though. I very rarely assert myself and am too frightened to stick up for myself because I'd expect such a bad reaction that it just wouldn't be worth it. If people can't handle my manner then they sure as hell couldn't handle any assertiveness. People are so quick to take offence. I avoid people now.

Because it doesn’t make you popular and that’s important for some people.
I always stand up for myself and quite often people don’t like it but I don’t actually give a shit
Its also the fact that women are socialised to be nice and kind and accommodating - I think I must have been off when they taught that module of womaning correctly.