DS starts acting up whenever we leave or arrive somewhere

[IScreamAtMichaelangelos]

He is 11yo and has his ups and downs, but is generally starting to mature as one would expect for a Yr7 student.

However, one aspect of childish behaviour is still present and if anything is getting worse; he really acts up when we are either about to leave or arrive somewhere. By act up I mean giggling hysterically, doing stupid things to bother his younger brother and just not listening when being told clearly and explicitly to STOP or remove himself from the situation.

WTF is this and how can we stop him doing it? It's beyond fucking annoying. FWIW, his 10yo brother (who is autistic) doesn't do this.

Following along in sympathy I have a bloody 13 year old the same then he lumbers around saying I was just joking it was funny you have no sense of humour 🙄 fml mate it was funny once now you can FUCKING STOP IT

He has adhd and autism though so doesn't always get things "right" from a social perspective

I have privately wondered if DS1 has ADHD tbh. I'm autistic too so DS2 and I are at least kind of on the same wavelength, but DS1 is something else....

Has anyone else encountered this and/or got any tips on how we can help him manage his behaviour please?

Find some sort of transition activity maybe?

A quick treasure hunt or mindfulness thing - just to pass that awkward settling in time.

It does sound autistic/ADHD.

Ds 14 is on the pathway. He struggles with unplanned trips out. Schedules.. And being late.

Thanks for the replies. What sort of transition activity works for you?

He is quite good at keeping to a schedule, and tbh we don't do much that is unplanned. He just seems to get massively anxious and it comes out as dickishness (ie harassing his brother). I don't want to demonise him but it really saps away at all of us...

Tell him before you go what you expect from him and what you want to see.

I found that method worked well with ds3 who could be a total PITA out and about (& be unable to stop once he has started, we’d just have to leave). If I remembered to be stern, serious and clear of expectations before we went anywhere he would be fine.

Yes, he needs help moderating his behaviour, and the first step is recognising it. It doesn't have to be voiced as a warning, particularly.

A reminder that you've noticed he struggles arriving and leaving, which makes it stressful for everyone.
Ask him whether anything would help him at that point- maybe a tight hug, a sucker sweet or fiddle toy.
Remind him to use his strategy to manage it just before it all kicks off.

We did this with children who struggled when we had visitors. Reminding them that visitors are great and even better when children aren't wrestling in the middle of the room, and shouting 'look at me', did the trick.

It’s definitely in the transition.. how is he with saying Hellos and Goodbyes? Perhaps he’s starting to feel the need to greet people like grown ups do and can’t quite get it right so the anxiety comes out as silliness

I used to give one of my autistic kids a script while I was letting them know what would happen (they got anxious if they didn’t know what to expect) and I’d be quite specific - “they’ll say Hi Horatio how are you” and you can say Hi Josephine I’m fine thanks and then you can go say hello to Granny”

I know it sounds like major helicoptering but it did work, saved him the strain of not knowing how to Social in a more mature way

He seems absolutely fine with hellos and goodbyes, and indeed reins this behaviour in with anyone other than family. I suspect that is masking though.