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Not to look forward to Christmas now

7 replies

Christmassadness · 27/11/2022 08:25

Totally indulgent I know but I’m sad about the situation I find myself in but realise it’s likely a drop in the ocean to what others are going through.

For context, am married, we have 2 pre schoolers who both have presumed asthma (both on long term medication and regularly suffer coughs/wheezy episodes needing inhalers) I’m not working as looking after kids and we just about manage on our income. We moved this year because we had no choice and that wiped out our savings plus where we live now is all electric with no useable heating so we’re relying on portable radiators to take the chill off rooms as necessary. Currently the house is around 16c during the day but outside is still in low to mid teens temperature wise. Am worried about what will happen when we absolutely must have heating on as I really
don't think we can afford it but can’t let house get too cold as mould or excessive damp could make DCs very unwell (not to mention the damage it would do to landlord’s property).

Christmas this year is going to be a lean affair; we’ve got a few bits for DCs and and they will have presents from other relatives. Had a conversation recently with a close relative who said not to buy for them just children as they know things are tight. We have DH parents, another 2 siblings, and his adult DC plus grandchildren still to buy for.

We've had to say no presents for each other this year as we just can’t stretch that far. Add to that that DH is not sentimental about such things and so I know there won’t be any surprise gifts under the tree for me. I just can’t help being incredibly sad knowing that I’ll have nothing at Christmas. I love Christmas and giving gifts is something that gives me such pleasure so I feel sad knowing it’s going to be different this year.

Yes I do know this is life as an adult and difficult times mean making sacrifices but it doesn’t make it any easier!

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 27/11/2022 08:28

Won't your other family members be buying you gifts? It's OK yo feel sad about this, sit with thoes feelings for a bit without telling yourself you shouldn't have them. You will find they pass.

Ragwort · 27/11/2022 08:35

I know it sounds trite to say it but can you frame the excitement and fun of Christmas as more than 'presents'. What do you like doing? Focus on free entertainment... lots of lovely Carol services, a Christingle Service is lovely for children, looking at the lights, nice winter walk, board games, a new jigsaw (from a charity shop) etc etc.

We made a choice not to exchange gifts as adults and it at feels quite liberating... still love Christmas but no angst about what to choose for people or pretending you like what someone else has chosen.

ssd · 27/11/2022 08:38

We rarely buy each other. Its just not a priority. Money too tight. I dont really get the angst.

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Crayfishforyou · 27/11/2022 08:43

I get it OP, and it sucks.
It’s all very well to decide not to do the present thing because you’re not bothered. But when the decision is made for you as it’s down to poverty, it is miserable.
I love choosing presents for people.

RandomMess · 27/11/2022 08:46

That sucks.

You (well DH) needs to speak to his family and explain you can't afford gifts this year.

Certainly for his parents and siblings a photo of the kids in a frame is sufficient.

34and3 · 27/11/2022 08:46

This year we're just doing for our own kids, no one else. We agreed not to buy for each other but I have bought dh some little bits to open with the kids. If he does for me too then that's nice but I don't expect it. Agreed no adult gifts at all with parents and in-laws too.

Christmassadness · 27/11/2022 11:16

Hillrunning · 27/11/2022 08:28

Won't your other family members be buying you gifts? It's OK yo feel sad about this, sit with thoes feelings for a bit without telling yourself you shouldn't have them. You will find they pass.

No I don’t think they will except perhaps his daughter might get us a bottle of wine. His son rarely gets anything for us even though we get for him. DH is one of a lot of siblings (parents split when he was tiny and both went on to have more children) and we don’t even get cards from them let alone presents. I have 3 siblings - the one I’ve mentioned, don’t get anything from one (we don’t buy for them either) and the other one it can be hit and miss

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