Coming out as lesbian

[karmaisacat]

I just need a bit of advice on coming out to family.

I feel like this would have been a lot easier if I had come out when I was younger but I'm struggling to do it as an adult without seeming like an attention seeker. If you’ve done it as an adult how did you do it without it being a really big deal?

I sort of came out to my kids and my mum a few years ago in my fifties. It wasn't a big deal but none of us see anything strange about it. My daughter is bisexual and I am too. Maybe it would have been more difficult for my mum to understand if I hadn't told her about my daughter. I've only told one friend and they just accepted it too. I'm not sure why it would be a big deal tbh, you're an adult and make your own decisions. But I'm aware all families are different.

I really don't think I came across as an attention seeker. I just casually dropped it into the conversation that I was seeing a girl.

With my friends it isn’t a big deal at all. They all know and there was zero issue. With my family, I did tell them I was seeing a woman (we’ve since split up) which was accepted without drama. I just want to let them know my sexuality as I think they assume I’m bi as I’ve dated men in the past. I just want them to know I’ll only date women in the future but we are the kind of family that say very little about our personal lives to one another. It feels important to me to be out but I don’t like the idea of making a big announcement as that just isn’t me, I just don’t know how else to do it. I hope that makes sense!

A lady I work with came out in her 40's. No one thought she was attention seeking. I'm not sure how she came out to her family. But to us she just started talking about her new girlfriend one day, just like she would if she had met a new man. Aside from the initial discussion amongst ourselves that we didn't see it coming. The only other comments since have been how happy she is. She was always kind of down before but now she glows.

I’m not sure why you need to announce that you will only be seeing women in the future, just let it be.

Does anyone care these days? Why does anyone need to know your only dating women in future.

Pretty sure I'm straight I don't announce to people I'm only dating guys from now on tbh you never know anyway, I might be wrong.

Just like @Tangerineartichoke I'd just expect people to talk about their partner whenever they are ready or about the fun they had doing gay pride at the weekend.

I don't feel the need to announce to people I'm not a lesbian, I can't see how that's any different if you are?? The people close to you in life already know. If you meet someone then....Hi I'm Karma and this is my partner Susan. Unless I'm missing the point somewhere, would anyone actually bat an eyelid these days?

Do you need to say anything given they are aware of a previous relationship? What difference to them does it make if you have no wish ever to have any men as partners again?

I get what you’re all saying and, of course, it doesn’t matter or make any difference. It’s just something that feels important to do to me. I can’t say it’s completely logical and I have zero issue when it comes to friends/acquaintances/colleagues, it’s just causing me a lot of anxiety when it comes to family for reasons that I’m not even sure of. Maybe I need to think more about why that is.

I found people just asked "are you lesbian or bisexual" after I started dating women, so I just answered. 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP I can totally understand why you'd want your family to know (I'm a lesbian as well). It's easy for people to say that no one cares these days, and it's amazing that things have changed so much, but there are still ways in which things haven't changed. Besides - you care!

The only thing I can think about telling your family is bringing it up through a conversation about dating someone new, online dating, joining some kind of group?

With my family, I did tell them I was seeing a woman (we’ve since split up) which was accepted without drama.

So they already know and accept it without any worry, I’d just leave it as this. I don’t see why you’d need to announce you’ll not be dating any men in the future.

Wait until you’re dating a woman and then tell them, they already know you’ve dated a woman in the past so it’s already done.

In my case I "came out" when I started a relationship with a woman. I was single and divorced , and around 2018 after I'd turned 40 I remember confessing to my best friend that I wanted to be with a woman and she took it well, we've been friends for years and it just made her chuckle but she was fab and supportive

After that I tried a couple of dating apps but I was looking at both men and women, I did go on a couple of dates with different women but I felt nothing , no connection at all. And I thought who on earth would want a 40 something newbie... It was actually quite depressing

In 2020 my bestie suggested I just let loose and not worry too much, and she suggested someone younger might do me some good, even if it's just a fling/fun and that's how I ended up with my girlfriend 😊 I matched with a 23 year old and we went on a few dates, before I knew it we were sleeping together . But kept it quiet and only told my bestie. Around the 6 month point we decided to make it official , my parents were surprised but also really understanding. My daughter is 19 now but she was an absolute star when I came out. If anything my friends wind me up a little in a jokey way , not because I'm seeing a woman, but because I'm seeing someone a lot younger haha.

Hard to do this without coming across as attention seeking. Just live your life, and let your relationships do the talking.