What is it like to fall out of love?

[notthatrebecca]

DH and I have been together 11 years, married for 8. Have two gorgeous DC (3 and 2 months) We’ve had a few hard years with infertility and pregnancy loss, career change, pandemic, etc. but generally feel on even ground. Lately though everything he does gets on my nerves. He also has picked up bad habits whilst working from home since the pandemic (nose picking, ugh) and it’s vile to me. There are also other things he does that trouble me and usually I feel I can think evenly about them but now they are making me mad, for example, I am no nonsense when it comes to safe sleep. He will lay a blanket casually on DD without tucking it in or putting her arms on top. And this afternoon I walked over to her bassinet and she had pulled it completely over her face. If I remind him of safe sleep guidelines, he says he feels like I’m micromanaging him. That sort of thing.

I am breastfeeding and fairly touched out but the idea of sex is foreign to me. I don’t know if it’s hormones or something more to pay attention to. I mostl just feel irritated by him and would rather sit in a room by myself with the children. Is this what falling out of love feels like?

hi, breastfeeding dampens the libido, so yeah it’s the hormones. You are probably exhausted too, which doesn’t help matters.

I feel exactly the same, and yes I would say I have fallen out of love. I had high hopes, but I am not with the man I thought I would end up with to be the father of my children.

Like you say, he has no sense of danger which means I am reluctant to let him spend time with my 5 and 1 year old alone, especially the baby.

I always imagined a father being so protective with his little girls, like my father was with me.

Instead I with someone who let's go of 2.5year old on a flying fox because "it will teach her to hold on in future" Now as a 5 year old she still remembers daddy letting go and smacking to the ground, so she is still terrified to go back on.

My poor 6 month old baby at the time needed a trip to a and e to put her elbow back into her socket because her daddy thought she could stand up holding her with just one hand. He couldn't understand the concept of her being far too young to put any weight on her legs that she just buckled screaming in pain.

There are many other examples of him just being a clumsy oaf. And yes it is very hard trying to stay in love with a man that acts like that.

I know he doesn't mean to be so utterly shit, but that does not make it any better. After 5 years I can barely tolerate him, nevermind love him.

And to answer your question, falling out of love is a constant drip feed of events that slowly erodes any feelings you may have once had. A slow build up until one day bang it hits you, the love has vanished into thin air.

When they go for a night out and you hope they meet someone else 😬

I think it’s death by a thousand cuts. They do more and more things that irritate you until you can’t take it any more, then you get the ick.
But in your situation I’d wait and see if it gets better after you’ve stopped breastfeeding. Don’t split the family yet.
And buy a box of tissues and put them on his desk 🤢

I don't know, but I would say it's best not to make any big decisions when you have a two month old baby (and are breastfeeding etc).

When he does unsafe stuff have you tried saying 'its not micro managing to tell you how to be safe. Please don't dismiss me like that'?