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Original poster

Bedroom arrangement

38 replies

Homeatlast22 · 26/11/2022 18:05

I have a 5 bed council house. My 12 year old dd is in the small room. Her brother who's 20 went to stay with his boyfriend 6 months ago and basically has not come back. Apart from to visit. I'm thinking about giving my daughter his room. The things stopping me is he could come back. The small room is to small for him. Also dd does not keep her small room clean. But it also feels unfair to keep her in a small room when the bigger room is empty. Other rooms are taken by myself and other kids. So wwud

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 26/11/2022 18:28

Are these the only two rooms up for debate? There is no alternative arrangement?

parietal · 26/11/2022 18:29

First, tell the 20 year old that you need to re-arrange the rooms. See how he feels - does he howl in protest or shrug?

If he shrugs, great you can move the 12 year old in.

If he protests, then have a conversation with him. Find out what he expects / needs / thinks is reasonable. He might want a few weeks to move his stuff out. Or he might have a different solution. you could ask him to either pay rent on the room or let his sister have it.

Original poster
Homeatlast22 · 26/11/2022 18:32

RagzRebooted · 26/11/2022 18:13

That's unfair. It's hard to keep a small room tidy and clean, much easier when you have more space. Also, she's 12, it's her room, as long as it isn't unsanitary then IMO it's none of your business if it's messy. My DD is messier than her brothers, who share a room, but other than a no dirty dishes and rubbish on the floor rule, I don't get involved in how she keeps it as I don't go in there.

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I was thinking on both theses issues. I was thinking if she can show me she can keep her room reasonable then I will let her have the bigger room. But then as said it is harder to keep a small room tidy

OP posts:
Original poster
Homeatlast22 · 26/11/2022 18:42

WeeOrcadian · 26/11/2022 18:28

Are these the only two rooms up for debate? There is no alternative arrangement?

Yes it's just them 2 . Largest bedroom is mine. The 2nd largest is shared by My 2 youngests boys . Then that leaves the 2 other medium-big rooms one taken by my 15 year old. Leaving 1 plus the small room.

OP posts:
CottageEmo · 26/11/2022 18:47

I’m an adult in a box room, all I have to do is turn around and it’s a fucking mess.

Original poster
Homeatlast22 · 26/11/2022 18:48

RagzRebooted · 26/11/2022 18:15

Everyone I've known in council houses has been stuck in a 3 bed no matter how many DCs they have. My neighbour had 5 (last baby was twins) and had to get triple bunks. We do live in an area with limited council housing stock though.

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I was in temporary accommodation before this I was not moved due to over crowding.

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 26/11/2022 18:50

The child who lives at home should have the bigger room.

You son is an adult and if he wants to move back home at any point, he'll have to accept that it'll be into the smaller room.

Otherwise how is your DD ever going to get a bigger room?

TrentCrimm · 26/11/2022 18:51

With or without the thread title confusion, I'm not sure of the relevance of mentioning it's a council house

Original poster
Homeatlast22 · 26/11/2022 18:59

TrentCrimm · 26/11/2022 18:51

With or without the thread title confusion, I'm not sure of the relevance of mentioning it's a council house

I don't know why i said that to be honest. I think its maybe because of the struggle we went through so it still feel like a massive deal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Homeatlast22 · 26/11/2022 19:00

DuplicateUserName · 26/11/2022 18:50

The child who lives at home should have the bigger room.

You son is an adult and if he wants to move back home at any point, he'll have to accept that it'll be into the smaller room.

Otherwise how is your DD ever going to get a bigger room?

I never thought of it that way. That's a big point

OP posts:
dcontour · 26/11/2022 19:02

Talk to him first and ask him what his plans are.
I think she should have the bigger room - he seems to have moved out.

Original poster
Homeatlast22 · 26/11/2022 19:38

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/11/2022 18:12

The resident child’s needs matter more than those of the adult who has moved out. So I would give your dd the bigger room, and your son can stay in the box room when he comes to visit.

We did this each time one of our boys moved out - the remaining boys got to move to bigger rooms. Now the smallest room is nominally the spare room, but the cat has claimed it as his!

That does make alot of sense to be honest.

It's just im a bit worried it's his first relationship. He stays at the boyfriend parents house so it's not their actual own place. I just don't want him to think he can't come back if he needs or wants to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Homeatlast22 · 27/11/2022 09:46

parietal · 26/11/2022 18:29

First, tell the 20 year old that you need to re-arrange the rooms. See how he feels - does he howl in protest or shrug?

If he shrugs, great you can move the 12 year old in.

If he protests, then have a conversation with him. Find out what he expects / needs / thinks is reasonable. He might want a few weeks to move his stuff out. Or he might have a different solution. you could ask him to either pay rent on the room or let his sister have it.

He is still paying rent at the moment. I think he would be ok with it. Its just I don't want him to think its an indication he can't come back. The small room is OK for visits but for longer term its to small for him he's to tall and chunky a single bed would be really uncomfortable. Saying that DD is really easy going she's not even asked to go in the bigger room.

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