Why do some people never feel good enough ?

[Pinkspottyumbrella]

Wonder what causes it

Crap parents.

Childhood trauma and repeatedly being told or having it demonstrated by parents, friends, family, work and peers 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh and ex partners

no oh as in other half just as in oh I forgot that in my list. My DH is the first person in my life to think and tell
me i am good enough

Low self-esteem causes it.

What causes the low self-esteem is usually rooted in experiences during childhood and adolescence.

Being told I wasn't
Being asked why I got 98% on a test
Being told my GCSE grade C made my results sound awful
Being told how fat I was, how my glasses didn't suit me. Constantly compared to "X is so slim, blonde and pretty"

Invalidating parents or social experiences.

My parents are mostly wonderful, I got my issues from school.

In a nutshell.

Being told repeatedly as a teen, by DM’s (thankfully ex) DP, that “you’ll never amount to anything”.

My mum telling me I had no friends and needed a social life.

Being an unwanted b**rd! 🤬

Therapist here and it is always related to early life experiences between birth to around mid teens. This is when we develop or beliefs around ourself, others and the work.

Critical parenting IME. Always doing something "not quite right " or as good as my family would do it. I once hung up my granddad's washing to help my mum and she went and repegged it almost exactly the same because I apparently hadn't done it properly. Sounds minor but its a constant dripdrip of "you're incompetent and can't do anything right". Also parents that mainly focus on things you get wrong and skating over your achievements, never really praising, always focusing on the negatives.

Oh my gosh! You've completely described my childhood.

Decades of acne

@JamSandle are your parent/s very controlling?

In my case I think it is a personality type. I never had particularly supportive parents, they were not critical, but they certainly never had the insight or skills to work with me to improve my self-belief. Went to shit sink school where despite being an outstanding student I never got praise or encouragment from the teachers.

So I think in my case it was personality combined with no influence to help me overcome this.

Never being good enough for my parents, constantly compared with my mother’s friend’s daughter who was prettier, cleverer, more helpful etc etc
Bullied at school from 5 to 18 years old but my mother didn’t believe me.
Not meeting her expectations of me being a doctor/marrying a doctor. Many reasons all arising from my childhood inching being told I was a confounded nuisance as a very small child when my siblings were born.
At 68 it still colours my life.

I so relate to this

there’s such a stark difference in how you perceive yourself, what you have to offer, what life can bring and other people’s actions when you never/rarely felt loved by your parents

Why do some people think they are? That’s what’s weird.

Yes I can relate to that

Also it's probably how my dps were also brought up

I tried to be positive with my dc as this was at the back of my mind

My DM for me. Nothing was ever good enough or how she would do it. I got my first job after graduating uni and she was upset I’d earn more than her. I cleaned the whole house whilst she was away but she was disappointed I hadn’t done any ironing. A constant drip of things like that. I try so hard not to do this with my DC.