Anyone up to talk?

[user553899900]

I posted a few weeks back about my DUncle being on palliative care.

I was only with him the other day and he's lost so much weight since then, he now has overnight nurses, he can't move at all. He ate one spoonful of porridge yesterday. 💔

I'm 2 hours away but I'm travelling to and forth a few times a week.

I'm exhausted.

I'm ill myself. Just got back from a and E.

Dd has fallen asleep and I'm just up crying in floods of tears.

I'm rewatching videos from a few weeks back where we took him to see my nana (his mum) and when we were leaving he said, "okay mother J*** I have to go now. It's not goodbye forever. But I will see you somewhere else. Every little thing..." And my nana (with dementia) says "... Is gonna be alright"

They've said that phrase to each other every time. And that was the last time.

He has a few days. I just want to buy a bed and put it next to his and not leave his side. I've got cardiology tests on Wednesday and dentist on Monday. I'm tempted to bin them off and go there tomorrow and never leave.

I just want him to stay. :(

Sorry I sound so pathetic but he's such an amazing man. My dad has been so crap in my life but he's so amazing.

I feel for you. I'm close to my great uncle and he's stuck in a care home and very ill, miles away and I feel like I'm the only relative that truly cares about him. I also have a crap relationship with my dad and my great uncle always brought so much joy and happiness into my life.
It's just so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP, it sounds so incredibly hard and your uncle sounds lovely. What a beautiful way to say see you soon instead of goodbye to his Mum. I'd absolutely bin off the dentist (assuming you're not in pain) but would keep the cardiology one if you can (unless it's something minor/you could reschedule quickly and easily), especially as you're not feeling well yourself. Do you have anyone who can look after you a bit? It sounds like such a lot to be juggling.

You don't sound pathetic at all - just understandably really sad. I'm headed to bed over here but just wanted to offer you a handhold and an unmumsnetty hug if you want them. I'll be thinking of you over the next few days. Try to be gentle with yourself, and do whatever you need to do to be with him as much as you want to be

I'm sorry to hear this. My nana is in a care home too. It's awful isn't it? I feel the care home is almost like a friendly hospital prison (well, my nana's anyway) they're not bad places, full of caring nurses and activities but it's just so heartbreaking to see a loved one there.

My heart is with you, my granddad lost his fight against cancer a few years ago, his mother was elderly at the time & had her own health issues Alzheimer's being the main one, there's no way she could've coped with his diagnosis, so the last time he saw her (and he knew it would be the last time)
He said to her "I'll see you soon mammy" from his hospital bed. I'll never forget that. He died 2 days later and she died a few months later, not ever knowing she'd lost her son.

I'm sure it won't bring you comfort right now, but your uncle has you and his loved ones round him and I'm sure that means more to him right now than anything else could possibly could.

Death comes to us all, you're doing all you can to make your uncles death as peaceful as it can be.
That's literally the only think you can do.

Thank you so very much for your kind words.

It was a lovely "goodbye" of sorts, of course my nana is not with it enough to even realise but maybe that's for the best.

I'm in so much pain, I need root canal, was supposed to have it some weeks ago but binned it off to be with him too but I don't really care about any of that, the mental pain kind of replaces the physical? I haven't slept in almost 3 days but I want to go there in the morning, I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if he went without me there. Uh life is a pain isn't it.

Thank you for the unmumsnetty hug, that really helps right now ❤️ I hope you sleep well and thanks again for your heartfelt post

Sorry for the grammatical and spelling mistakes, I'm up feeding DD and absolutely shattered.

Again though, thinking of you and your uncle. ❤️

Sounds like you were in a similar position to us. My nana doesn't know of his diagnosis or anything surrounding that. She wouldn't understand if we told her anyway I suspect. But like you say that's probably a blessing. She had 5 boys and she's already lost one so this will be her 2nd so it's best she doesn't know. I don't know if we tell her when he passes. It's tricky to know what she understands or remembers.

Thank you for posting. I hope he feels loved and at peace. Dd4 (delayed development) just keeps saying I love you uncle C every time we're there. I hope he knows we do.

@user553899900 I’m here, offering a handhold, un-MNetty hug and a cup of tea if you need one.

I’ve lit a candle for your uncle tonight; wishing peace for him, and for you.

He absolutely will feel the love surrounding him.

Big big big hug to you and lots of prayers for your lovely uncle. He sounds amazing

I lost my dad 7 years ago suddenly to cancer, my Grandad (his dad) had dementia at the time too. He didn’t seem to know what was going on properly and was really out of character, it was a blessing at the time that he didn’t understand.

Your uncle will feel all this love surrounding him, those memories and videos you have will hurt you like a hot knife but in time they’ll bring you comfort and joy, they’ll allow you to remember his voice, his favourite phrases, and once the hurt and pain moves aside for reminiscing you will find all sorts of memories in your head that you’ve not thought of for years.

Grief is a horrible journey, however it’s one we must all endure. Take care of yourself and just live day to day, hour to hour if need be. Take time out for you. Lots and lots of love & light ❤️