What is the fucking point?

[wonderingwanderer2]

I just need somewhere to offload.

I'm 32 and earn 30K. I own my house and live on my own and I am extremely careful with money - I have no beauty treatments, hardly ever get my hair done, haven't bought new clothes in yonks and even then they are from sainsbury's, rarely go out for dinner etc. My one extravagance is a holiday in February which I have been saving for. Today I got some roofers to come and look at a problem with my roof and it's going to cost £1000 and I just don't know why I work and save so hard to have nothing to show for it.

Academically I was a high flyer and went to Cambridge uni but my career path has been hampered by the fact I suffered with anorexia from the ages of 13-25 and was in and out of hospital in that time and wasn't able to work full time til I was 27. Friends my age invite me out for dinner etc and I just can't afford it. Now £1000 needs to be spent on my roof I am trying to think of ways of getting out of the work team Xmas lunch as this is another expense I just can't afford.

This is no life. I wouldn't even be able to afford a new car if mine packed up, let alone have a family or anything like that. I am lucky that my parents are around and offer to help but I just find it so embarrassing to still be reliant on them at my age. They never relied on their parents for anything and they were able to have 2 children, send my brother to a private school, help us both to have properties, retire early etc. I feel ashamed by my life and embarrassed by having to decline social opportunities but what else can I do?

Oops I don't own my house - I mean I have a house but it is mortgage, although the mortgage is relatively small

You poor thing. You must have massive strength of character to have got through anorexia. I have children around your age and if they were struggling and I have the money I would want them to ask.

Maintenance is part of home ownership. Your house is an asset that will appreciate over time.

Firstly I am a carer of a recovering anorexic and getting yourself recovered from an eating disorder is a massive achievement in itself.
Secondly can you claim your roof repairs on your home insurance? There will be an excess and your premiums may go up slightly but it might allow you to keep some of your holiday savings
I am sure your parents are v proud of you. If my DD can get herself to your position I will be the proudest mum in the world.

There isn’t really one at the moment.

I’m a SAHM as I’ve just had a young baby- but if I was single I would be fucking off to work in an international school, somewhere warm, rented accommodation, waiting it out. It’s only going to get worse.

I’m a teacher which is why I say school- but tbh I would work anywhere, especially if I had a house back home to rent out and the mental security of parents who could help out if needed.

It sounds like you have basically lost 12 years of your life to anorexia? In which case your" life target" success should only be comparible to someone who is around 20. by which measure owning a house and having a 30,000 a year job is pretty bloody successful. On top of that you have managed to survive and are now living with a really complex mental health condition. Honestly you sound like you have done amazingly well given what life has served you up.

Sorry if what I have said comes across as a bit trite. It was honestly meant in a kind supportive way.

just don't know why I work and save so hard to have nothing to show for it.
you have your own home - I couldn’t have done that without the joint income of both mine and my husbands, not on my own.
you have parents who love you and want to help you.
You have a stable job which allows you to save while paying a mortgage,

you have much to show for it.

You’ve got an appreciating asset that’s all yours (no having to share with a partner), a career that’s going well and you’re only 32. You’ve overcome a really insidious, debilitating illness and you have a supportive family.

You’re doing good.

Get a 0% credit card for the roof repair. Spread the cost as you pay it back. Or ask your parents if they can loan you the money and agree a repayment schedule.

Try to say yes more to social things if you possibly can. Consider a lodger to help with living costs.

Mostly, give yourself a pat on the back.

You've done better than me. I'm a married 42 year old with 2 dc. We rent from the housing association. Dh is a carer for our eldest and I am a supply teacher but am really only able to work part-time so earn a pittance. We rely on benefits and our parents to bail us out constantly.

On a practical note could you get a lodger? The right one is good company and the money would make a big difference.

This ^. You have done so well to get where you are.

Your parents did that at at time when properties were MUCH cheaper and were doing it on a dual income. Owning your own home means you won’t be paying rent out of pension when you retire.

Thank you everyone for such kindness, I really wasn't expecting that . I guess I'm just so keen to make up for lost time that I don't always consider how far I've come. I also do need to get a bit of perspective - many people have it worse than me and I was lucky that I was eventually able to engage with treatment and begin to build a life

@Lottsbiffandsmudge I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. If you ever want some advice or just to chat then please message me. Anorexia is a cruel illness and can turn someone into a person their loved ones don't even recognise. I have learned a lot during my journey and I am happy to share if it would help

Hi OP - I had a mild case of anorexia, just ages 14 - 17 and it was still bloody hard and put me back about two years education-wise (muddled through school but then couldn't face university for a couple of years).

A lovely wise colleague once told me 'life's a marathon, not a sprint'. Be patient with yourself, and be proud. You got through a lot. Twelve years with anorexia, goodness.

Don't compare yourself with people who didn't have to face this. Just try not to compare yourself. And take financial help from your parents.

As for going out, can't you suggest somewhere cheap and cheery to some of your friends? The company matters more than the food in the end.

Hope things start looking up. x

@wonderingwanderer2 well done, I’m not as eloquent as the many pp but you are doing amazingly well. Keep going and be proud of all your achievements 🏆