No-one wants to speak with me these days

[tulips27]

Just a moan really...

I can't shake the feeling these days that people just don't want to speak to me. It seems to be getting more pronounced as I get older and I'm no longer a young or young-ish person.

Anyone else experienced this? Although most here are parents and so probably have the opposite situation! 😅

Speak to you on the phone? In person? In what context?

I hate talking to people on the phone.

In person, I don't tend to speak on the phone anymore unless necessary, or with a few older people who don't do messaging so much.

No ... complete opposite! Loads of people want to talk to me and I long to get peace and quiet! How do you spend your time? I work in retail and do a lot of volunteering... meeting lots of new people all the time. I join groups, go to Church etc etc. I get out and about in the community ... can't walk down the High Street without meeting people who seem to want to talk to me... sometimes I even hide to avoid 'more talking'!! Am going to a new event this morning, almost wish I wasn't as it will involve a lot of 'talking' but a friend asked me to join her; then we will go out to lunch in a popular local cafe where we are bound to meet more people ... I will work late afternoon (more talking) and then hopefully have a peaceful evening on my own whilst DH watches the football.

If you want to meet more people to talk to I recommend volunteering, working in retail and joining local groups.

Do you want to speak to you? What I mean is, are you kind, do you have ideas, do you encourage yourself and others, do you invite people to spend time with you, do you listen to others?

What do you think people’s feedback is telling you? Is it that you know some unkind people? Or is it that they’re avoiding you for some reason about you? It could be either - it’s difficult to know without knowing you, but you know yourself, so you have a head start!

And I am 'old' by Mumsnet standards ... mid 60s. My DM is the same, meets people all the time because she is active in the community and finds plenty of people want to talk to her ... she is 90!

I don't really mean randomers, yes they do want to speak to me. I think I mean people I already know, which is more worrying as well. I think it's almost as though since not seeing them during the pandemic, things haven't gone back to how they were before.

Iwrite has made some good points, not saying this is you but I frequently meet people who say they haven't got friends, are lonely, don't know what to do with their time etc. I even had someone say quite rudely 'why have you got so many friends?'. I am absolutely nothing special, just a frumpy, dull, overweight, grey haired mid 60s woman but I have no difficulty making friends; perhaps because I am interesting in contributing to the community, getting out of my comfort zone, helping other people and not worrying about what people think about me.

I'm not lonely and I don't have any issues speaking to strangers, and I can make friends- it's not that. It's more a feeling from people I have known for a while.

Ah well, perhaps time to just let those people go. Perhaps let's not discuss it any more, I was just wondering whether anyone else had experienced this.

tulips in that case maybe it's time to make new friends? I actually did change a few things since the pandemic, I stopped meeting up with one group of friends (no idea if they still meet up without me or not) because I felt it all got a bit shallow and I wanted to do different things and meet new people. I didn't 'drop' any friendships ... just gradually stepped back.

Well I have been having issues with not having enough money and it does come up in conversation, and the people I know don't- in general of course. Maybe it's just driving a wedge between us?

As a woman, I feel like there is this big invisible time when your not young and cute/attractive and not old so not cute/little old lady. It shouldn't be that way, but I do observe both personally and other women in the 30ish to 60ish bracket be basically ignored, whereas young women and older women get seen and get the kind of 'chivalry' of doors opened, bus seats given etc. (not just from men either). Whereas men of the same age get treated as proper grown up people who take up space, there's all these invisible women everywhere who are only noticed when they (we) don't manage to keep our kids in line or make space for others.

I do think in times of recession and difficulty a lot of people become more insular and defensive and less likely to be open to people they don't know well or to idle chit chat, so that might be a contributory factor as well

I think I understand what you mean, I think I've become a bit irrelevant as I've got older and people don't speak to me much anymore, no-one confides in me or asks my opinion unless they need money 🙄
If my oh is on nights I don't speak to anyone from when I finish work until I start again the next day.

Yes, it has happened to me. I don't think it's because I am getting older. I think a lot of people are struggling with MH or CoL and therefore are more reluctant to confide. I myself have become less keen to confide. Because these days whatever you say offends someone who might be having it tough.

It has happened to me too OP, friends and family much less interested in hearing about me or chatting with me as I've become older.

It's happened to me too. I become less relevant to family/friends as I get older and can't be of much use any longer. Also being forgotten as others look after their own affairs more in the present climate. Covid/lockdown has changed things a lot for some people and they have become more insular and less outgoing.
I don't think life as back to as it was pre-covid really and everyone struggling to survive, either through money/job issues, health/NHS issues, climate change worries or general anxiety.
Noone seems to phone any more, just send texts so interaction/communication is brief and a lot is not said/avoided.
I come from a family where conversation was enjoyed, interesting and informative. It bonded us. Thing have certainly changed. Now it's phone/screen use, gaming and TV/film channels, often solitary activities.
I also admit to cutting myself off more, no one much left to reach out to properly.

Yep, all of this.

Totally!

Oh dear, sorry to hear others have noticed this too. 🙁

I made a resolution to meet friends face to face this year and to get in touch with relatives over the telephone rather than just FB, WhatsApp etc. Yes people fail to get in touch, get busier, lives change. If nothing else you find out who has moved on and no longer wants to be in your social circle/friendship group and can spend more time with the friends who matter to you. If there are none of these left, then it's time to make new friends who will take the time and effort to stay in touch. If this sounds a bit dismissive I apologise but I have spent long periods of time myself when I didn't seem to have many people to talk to and I know this can have such a negative impact on all aspects of life. I've had to make a real effort to make myself keep in contact with people, now it is easier to do as it has become part of what I do.

What you need then around then are Hs/partners who sings praises about their female partners to make everyone aware that they would be nothing without them. It helps break down the social barriers. It helps break down the barriers with single older men and women.

People talk like hitting 50&60 is "still like it was in the olden days. And it's just not. Not for most.

I ah e found messaging has taken over chatting on the phone, which I do not like so I can think of a few friends and we all love at a distance who much prefer messaging.