Particular Friends - sometimes I just want a meal out not to be cooked for or cook myself...

[Notsympatheticenough]

We have a couple of friends we see a fair amount of. We all like cooking and food and are good cooks and they are good company - old friends.

Sometimes though I just want to go to a restaurant, you can each choose something different, no washing up, different atmosphere etc etc.

They are both quite careful with their money - him in particular - despite being loaded. Very generous when they host, but if we go out they pore over the menu, keep saying 'oh I could cook that at home', don't want to order extras just because they look nice, are quite critical of the food. And just a bit painful really.

I like them, want to see them, but don't always want to cook for them!

Mostly just a whinge, I think the answer is we see them for food related reasons less frequently...and go out to eat with other friends who know how to enjoy it.

I agree 100% . I like to go out to meet friends not particularly keen on hosting or being a guest . Like a bit of hustle and bustle . Not particularly fussy .I don't mind if it's just soup and a sandwich it's just nice to be out and in company isn't it especially after the last couple of years .

I'm the same. I don't go out often so for me to catch up with people is a reason to put some effort in and go somewhere nice to eat. Sadly my "friends" all have very active social lives that don't include me so when I suggest going out it's always with the kids or round their houses. It makes me think about how they view me if I'm honest as my views are never considered.

How often do you see them that this has become such an issue?
They clearly prefer the comfort and ease of home dinner parties. That’s fine. If they’re generous hosts I can’t quite see the problem.
You have other friends? Do your eating out with them and your eating in with the people that prefer it.
Its fine to not want to host as often.
Its also ok for you order whatever you wish if you do eat out. Have the extras or whatever you choose. You pay for yourself I presume so order as you wish. Ignore the low level moaning and just get on with it. If you know they can afford it then it’s just their choice.

But if they host us...we have to host back. So it means turning down their really lovely dinners. They are retired we aren't. So sometimes I'd like to say, thanks for the invite but let's go out. Probably see them for
dinner every 6 weeks or so.

I am sorry to say that I often feel (inside my head) like that when I go out - I find it such a waste of money as the product is usually disappointing. I wouldn't say it at a meal with friends but neither you nor they are wrong - just incompatible.

I think you have to accept people as they are - these are not restaurant friends, they are home cooking friends. Just do it slightly less often and go to a restuarant with some other people.

I’m the same @carefulcalculator I hate paying £16 for a mediocre pasta dish or burger or whatever but I wouldn’t say it out loud. The last time I ordered a steak it was £28 and arrived overdone but, as everyone else had their dinner, if I’d waited for a new one I would have been eating mine on my own whilst they were impatiently waiting for me to finish so they could have pud!

I understand what you mean OP but it works both ways. We very often find restaurant food disappointing compared to home made so we try to find places that cook things that we don't. I love a good pizzeria or a tapas restaurant, for example, but pub grub (even gastro pub) and most fine dining rarely seems worth the money.

We have friends who don't really cook and live on Uncle bens and jars or packets, so they really enjoy going to places with big portions of fried food. We love them and have different tastes, so sometimes they pick and sometimes we do; we just don't talk about the food beyond 'Wow I'm so full' at their choices 😀. It's more about their company than the food.