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Original poster

Feel demonised as a lone parent at work

15 replies

pastypirate · 23/11/2022 21:30

My manager has just made another dig that I didn't pick up a piece of work today at 4pm which would involve working at least an hour past my finish time. As in needing to go to the next town which is about 45 minutes away. I work until 5 and was committed to other tasks anyway.

I have to collect my child from childcare at 6. The childcare is 10 minutes from work so this is perfectly fine in terms of timescales most of the time. Going to x town would put me at high risk of not getting back to collect dd.

I'm a lone parent. My child's father is working abroad. I have no local grandparent support. Dd can stay until 6pm in wraparound care. There are no other options. There us no one to collect her but me.

We have ongoing issues about being asked to work way beyond our contracted hours which I have already raised with the union.

My employer are well aware dd is unwell (think regular blood tests and hospital appointments) but actually that isn't that relevant today. I am actively looking for a role change due to dd needs and employer js well aware of this and I have been very honest with them about ongoing difficulties.

Im already massively overworked and work outside my contracted hours pretty much daily.

OP posts:
Spambod · 23/11/2022 21:34

This sounds very unfair op. It sounds as if you any have a case for constructive dismissal if it is making it impossible to stay. Can you union help with legal representation?

Original poster
pastypirate · 23/11/2022 21:36

Spambod · 23/11/2022 21:34

This sounds very unfair op. It sounds as if you any have a case for constructive dismissal if it is making it impossible to stay. Can you union help with legal representation?

I keep thinking this. I will ring them tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
pastypirate · 23/11/2022 22:53

Bump

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rafanadalsarms · 23/11/2022 22:55

Are you a social worker by any chance? Sounds like my job 😭😭😭

CloudSunLeavesCoud · 23/11/2022 22:58

Sorry you are having these difficulties at work. It does sound unreasonable. I agree with pp. try the union or Pregnant then Screwed have a hotline for this kind of thing. They will be able to advise on options. I hope they can help.

WhiteFire · 23/11/2022 23:47

Tbh I'm not sure that this is demonising you as a lone parent, though that is adding to the impact. This is a manager taking the piss and expecting staff to work well above and beyond their contracted hours.

Lots of working parents have complicated childcare arrangements, most organisations will do their best to accommodate staff. This is just a shit manager.

UsingChangeofName · 24/11/2022 00:26

WhiteFire · 23/11/2022 23:47

Tbh I'm not sure that this is demonising you as a lone parent, though that is adding to the impact. This is a manager taking the piss and expecting staff to work well above and beyond their contracted hours.

Lots of working parents have complicated childcare arrangements, most organisations will do their best to accommodate staff. This is just a shit manager.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

If you need to be somewhere at X time, then you need to be there, regardless of the reason. It sounds like the issue is the manager expecting staff to routinely work outside of their contracted hours.
I agree that is an issue, but it is an issue if your partner were with you or not, and if you have dc or don't have dc.

Thelnebriati · 24/11/2022 00:37

Talk to ACAS tomorrow. What your manager is doing is not legal.
www.acas.org.uk/

JustAnotherHappyFatty · 24/11/2022 05:57

I wasn't a lone parent however I am the only one that drives. Due to childcare arrangements at the time (distance and collection times vs mine and my husbands finish times) I was the only one able to collect the children after work.
I don't agree they are demonising lone parents as I would have been in the same situation as you even with a husband.
I did get very good at saying no, and finishing bang on time.

PAFMO · 24/11/2022 06:11

It's nothing to do with being a lone parent. Your contracted hours, irrespective of where you need to be afterwards and why, aren't being respected. Unless of course there's something in your contract about being expected to work overtime on an ad hoc emergency basis.
Ask for a meeting to clarify this, without the demonising lone parent bit. Stick to the facts.

chickidychick · 24/11/2022 06:13

WhiteFire · 23/11/2022 23:47

Tbh I'm not sure that this is demonising you as a lone parent, though that is adding to the impact. This is a manager taking the piss and expecting staff to work well above and beyond their contracted hours.

Lots of working parents have complicated childcare arrangements, most organisations will do their best to accommodate staff. This is just a shit manager.

I agree with this.

Whilst the impact you is perhaps greater as a lone parent I agree.

Original poster
pastypirate · 24/11/2022 07:20

rafanadalsarms · 23/11/2022 22:55

Are you a social worker by any chance? Sounds like my job 😭😭😭

Er....

OP posts:
rafanadalsarms · 24/11/2022 09:22

@pastypirate I knew it.

Stressfordays · 24/11/2022 09:31

I'm a lone parent. I do feel like life is harder and schools and work do not understand how difficult they can make life for a lone parent. I often feel like I am trying to tear my hair out figuring out how to be in several places at once and give my all to both my children and work.

I don't think we are demonised though, people just have a lack of insight. Even 2 parents struggle with this stuff. I do my best in both and make it clear when I cannot do it. I once had repercussions at work because I could not do something they had asked, I stated my circumstances and they eventually backed down. If you speak to a union, they literally cannot do anything to you for having childcare responsibilities and they know that, they just like to pressure you and see how far they can push (they do it to 2 parent families too). Dont let them.

Original poster
pastypirate · 24/11/2022 18:07

Stressfordays · 24/11/2022 09:31

I'm a lone parent. I do feel like life is harder and schools and work do not understand how difficult they can make life for a lone parent. I often feel like I am trying to tear my hair out figuring out how to be in several places at once and give my all to both my children and work.

I don't think we are demonised though, people just have a lack of insight. Even 2 parents struggle with this stuff. I do my best in both and make it clear when I cannot do it. I once had repercussions at work because I could not do something they had asked, I stated my circumstances and they eventually backed down. If you speak to a union, they literally cannot do anything to you for having childcare responsibilities and they know that, they just like to pressure you and see how far they can push (they do it to 2 parent families too). Dont let them.

This is good advice.

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