Is this typical 4yo behaviour?

[SomeoneFireKwaziiKitten]

I’ll start with saying DS is very bright and really kind and loving with us and DD as I don’t just want this to be a thread slagging him off! However some of his behaviour is driving me insane at the moment.

He has no patience or concept of time. Examples - if we say we are going to do an activity ‘this afternoon’, ‘after lunch’ etc. he gets so excited and ends up having a huge tantrum because it’s not happening immediately even though the timeframe has been explained. Eg. This morning I said we could do some craft activities after we had been to Hobbycraft, he was beside himself that I wouldn’t let him get the glitter out at 8am despite the perfectly reasonable explanation that we needed to go and get some more paper first. We said that he could have a certain book and he has spent the last hour whinging at me and stomping his feet because I can’t make someone deliver it immediately. I’ve explained that I understand he’s excited and waiting can feel frustrating, and explained the delivery process until I’m blue in the face but he is STILL GOING ON ABOUT IT. I might lose my fucking mind soon.

He hates leaving the house. Every morning is a battle. Even to go to places and activities I know he enjoys! Anything I ask him to do is argued about or refused. Reward charts don’t work. Telling him what I’m doing in the manner you would another adult (‘we’re leaving in 5 minutes, I’m going to pop my coat and shoes on now..’) is completely ignored. He won’t engage with any kind of ‘getting ready game’. Threatening to take him out in his slippers/pjs etc. just leads to a meltdown and makes everything take longer.

DD(2) is a bit under the weather and super clingy and whingy. Having two of them taking turns, or simultaneously, wailing at me is driving me up the wall today.

all Children are different I'd say it's within the realm of normal behaviour for that age if there's no other concerns but I have an autistic child who struggles with these things and these things maybe he'll your son too-
visual timer from Amazon, obviously won't work for hours but it can help to give a Visalia idea of time so you could set it to 15 minutes or so and say "I need to do the washing up/whatever for 15 minutes but I'll be finished when the timer goes we can do xyz" might help him to grasp the concept of time.

visual timetables so that he can see all the things that will happen and when

reward charts can feel like even more of a demand for some children so I'd avoid all that if you can.

That's fairly normal, Time is a hard concept to grasp.

Just don’t tell him that you’re doing stuff until you’re actually going to do it? What’s the benefit in telling him what you’re doing “this afternoon”?

Agree with PP. Save yourself the agro and just tell him as and when things are happening. Kids can find emotions difficult and that includes excitement. They don't know how to manage their own expectations at that age.

Lots of kids go through a PITA getting ready phase. It too shall pass.

Just wanted to reassure you that my 4yo is very similar...it's not just you! I think it's the age.

No concept of time or patience, wants things immediately, a real drive for autonomy and independence.
He struggles with bed time the most but mornings can also be a challenge.

We have to be quite committed to a routine so he knows what to expect and rather than telling him no, we ask easy questions or offer choices so he feels involved and has "some control" e.g. you wanted to go out, I can see you're looking forward to it, do you remember how long mummy said? Or, when the clock reaches 5 we're having a snack...how many numbers are left? Would you like the blue or black trainers on?

Sometimes this help but not always 😂 we're still trialling different things and some days we nail it... other days it's a total disaster.

Definitely an age thing. Mine is 4.5 on reception and they use eff timers and visual timetable a lot. I find for mine he can't cope with something the is enjoying just finishing so we always give him a 2 minute warning ( 2 minutes can be any time we actually want but just giving Jo that warning works). He still struggles and has had challenges with it but really it's just developmental. Hang in their, also have 2 year old starting to tantrum well!!

You know he can't wait, so don't tell him you are doing the activity in the afternoon, tell him when you are actually about to do. And if you need to get something to do something, tell him that. We need to go get papers so we can do some craft work, etc?

Does he know numbers? DS has no concept of 'this afternoon' but if I tell him that he's doing something when the clock gets to 2, he's much better about it.