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Squeaky wheel gets the grease

4 replies

Lentilweaver · 23/11/2022 10:36

Lately I have noted that people who moan endlessly and refuse to help themselves get a lot of help. I have seen this on MN and IRL where toxic needy users can apparently find friends who will lend them money, do their cleaning, let them stay over, and do practically everything for them. But anyone who is merely asking to meet up for just a coffee- nothing more!- is asking for too much.

Apart from the above example, I notice this often in other areas. My mum, for instance, is a very strong woman. She was widowed fairly early and had to learn how to do everything on her own. Got on with it with the minimum of fuss, travels solo, is always cheery and never shows her vulnerability. Her reward is to that people tend to take advantage of her and think that because she is so "strong", she has an endless reserve of patience. Whereas other women in her age group ( 70s) are fluttering around like helpless moths sometimes, so they get a lot of sympathy.

Not sure if I am explaining this very well, but I hope posters understand what I mean.

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 23/11/2022 12:58

Oh, nobody understood what I meant or agrees!

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Swissnotswiss · 23/11/2022 13:02

Yep. I've seen this while visiting relatives in hospital. The PITA patient who complains non-stop gets better treatment e.g private room. (They also get talked about behind their back but probably don't care).

fruitsaladsweets · 23/11/2022 13:09

I understand what you mean.

However, ultimately I think it is still worse for those who are not strong enough/ do not have mental and emotional resilience/ are petty and kick up a fuss over nothing.

I would not be the person making a big fuss and shouting for help which I don't need. However, I have an inner strength and resilience which I feel is better.

I would rather have what I have, and be the way I am. Life is unfair, yes, but I think it is ultimately better for me to have my own coping mechanisms.

Lentilweaver · 23/11/2022 15:44

I suppose that's the best way to look at it, but often I wish "strong" people like my mum got more attention. I give her plenty , but from other people.

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