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Advice please.

4 replies

Fentylipgloss · 22/11/2022 22:00

This isn't about me. It's about a friend and I'm really struggling to know what to say to her.

She got with a fella she really liked for over 20 years, they've been together for a year. She got with him knowing he was a recovering addict.

The drinking isn't an everyday thing, but it is a thing. He goes on binges every 4 weeks or so and when he does, he does coke too (apparently makes you able to drink more - who knew!?).

So she last heard from him yesterday at midday when he told her he'd keep her in the loop as he was going out with a mate to watch the footie and would be back early as he had work today (he never went to work).

She heard nothing for the rest of yesterday and nothing today. They have something called 360 and she located him back in a pub at lunchtime today, then round a mates (coke addict mate).

Worst bit of this today is that it's the anniversary of her mums passing and it's her birthday tomorrow and they're meant to go to out for the day, but he's not even messaged saying 'thinking of you'. He did the same when it would have been her mums 80th, didn't even mention it to her.

He's done this quite a lot, but what kills her the most is the silence. The no contact. She knew his issue with alcohol so she can't really say much about that.

2 days ago she gave him £25 for petrol as he was skint but he's managed to go out drinking for 2 days and he's already told her he's got no money for a present so how is he funding this bender?

I have been with an alcoholic myself and she knows what I went through, but I put up with it and she knows i did. I don't know what to say, cause saying leave him won't work (as I know), despite all his faults she's infatuated.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
BobbyBobbyBobby · 22/11/2022 22:10

He’s a loser. Nothing more, nothing less.

She can stay with him and waste her life on him as he will never change his selfish ways or she can set herself free and find someone who is worthy of her affections.

Fentylipgloss · 22/11/2022 22:41

@BobbyBobbyBobby

I've not said those words to her but I have said that those moments where he's not drinking and he's lovely to her are soon going to seem insignificant when she's beside herself because he's gone AWOL again.

OP posts:
SuspiciousHedgehog · 28/11/2022 20:53

This won't improve. Ever. She will continue, more and more to fund his parties. Suggest she get nuclear proof multi level contraception at least.

Iliveinanoodie · 28/11/2022 20:57

The only advice would be yo leave her to it. She knows the score. Some people like the drama. I hope there's no children caught up in this.

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