Should I sell my car? Cost of living crisis - boring!

[Mealsonabudget]

I have a little Vauxhall Corsa on finance that costs about £300 to run (loan, insurance and fuel etc) i also have a payment plan for some repairs I had to have done which are £200 pm for the next 4 months.

webuyanycar are offering me 5000 for it. It has 4000 left on the finance so that would eat most of it up, plus the 800 for the car repairs. This would then free up that 500 quid per month. It makes sense to do it right?? We are honestly scraping by and things just aren’t easing up whatsoever. I have less than £5 to do me until payday!

reason why I’m reluctant is I have literally sold all of my
belongings to pay for my dds Christmas presents (even all my winter coats, thank you Vinted!!) whilst DH hasn’t had to stress whatsoever. A huge outgoing of ours is down to him - £1000 debt and an additional £500 for something else. The car is mine and mine alone - he can’t drive. I feel like it’s the last little thing I have and although I don’t rely on it and live with good public transport, I will absolutely dread having to get on a bus with a buggy again!!

im also on maternity leave and will need to take an additional year out as we just cannot afford childcare. So WWYD?? Sell it or keep it?!

No they shouldn't!
She's on maternity leave after birthing his babies, he's on a six figure salary!
No way should they be putting equal amounts in! He should be looking after his wife & children!

Do not sell your car.

Do not accept that ‘this is your life’.

@QueueEtwo sorry forgot about that! He can definitely contribute more than he his!!!

You’ve got 2 choices here:

1. stay with the abusive crap-head, let your daughters see how women can be treated, sell your possessions, be cold, grow resentment and be skint - and you know YOU are going to be footing the childcare bill right? - and maybe one day manage to escape OR

2. with help of WA (or any other supportive women you know IRL), load up YOUR car, move out, be skint for a few years (benefits - but you might be surprised - check entitledto.com - you seem like a woman who can make “15 cents last a dollar”) - and live your life with autonomy, freedom and hopefully a warm fucking coat.

I would insist on full disclosure of his finances before I'd even consider selling anything more of mine in your circumstances. And even then I would be seriously reluctant to get rid of the one thing that's solely yours and gives you some independence.

He’s on 6 figures and you’re selling all your stuff, including winter coats, to buy Christmas presents for your shared child?

He is financially abusing you. Don’t sell your car.

The childcare cost calculation for going back to work should include him paying half (more than half actually - to offset for you not being able to use tax free childcare because of his salary).

and claim child benefit. He can pay it back in taxes, but you shouldn’t go without it because he’s controlling all the money.

I hear what you all are saying and I promise I am aware of the awful situation I’ve found myself in! I had to sell my things because otherwise DH would not have bought them anything and I couldn’t do that to my older dd. What I’ve got them isn’t a huge amount but it’s at least something. I also used the money to buy them both some clothes, buy a new second hand buggy because the one I bought for dd2 was about to lose a wheel, so it hasn’t just been for Christmas gifts! But yes, DH contributes very little. He bought nothing for dd2, I bought it all (on my very tiny income because I’m still training..) even though he was the one who pushed for a second. I’m beginning to realise everything is a big trick to keep me at home. I left my original career to retrain at his insistence (so I could be around for dd more). So I started to retrain and was a year out from finishing when dd2 was born. He’s now pushed for me to take the additional year out because he can’t help out with childcare (both financially and him himself) until then apparently. I even said I would find a way to cover the full childcare and he then changed it to dd2 would be damaged if I put her in childcare so young (10 months). It’s a very long and convoluted story and I did try not to get into it on here by just asking about the car in order to get a yes or no answer but it seems you have all picked up on it anyway! Haha. Says a lot about the situation!

He honestly makes me think I should feel lucky, most women would kill to be at home with their babies apparently. But at the same time subtle digs about how we can’t afford this and can’t afford that.. comments about the car and how I don’t need it because I’m not using it everyday (can’t bloody afford fuel for it!!) yet he’s paying £500 a month for an employee for his side business that makes no money.. but yes to the pp who said food shopping eats up that, you are correct! At least £80 is spent on food per week and the rest will go on stuff for my older dd (hot chocolate on the weekend etc) and my gym membership that is £6 per week which tbh I should cancel because I’ve been able to go twice since I signed up despite him promising that I would be able to actually go! I get zero time for me and am shackled to my house because 1. No money to even pop out for a coffee and 2. Shitty weather and no bloody coat!! I have nothing for me, no budget for any sort of luxuries. My mum could honestly throttle him! But she’s unfortunately not able to offer any support (financial or otherwise). I’ve just accepted that this is going to be my life until I can finish my training and then being i will be free. My dds don’t really see any of this because when not at work, he’s shut away in his office anyway!

How much is an Uber home from your workplace? How often will you be going to work in the next 12 months?

how far is your workplace from your front door, using How far did I run

Please very seriously consider divorcing him.

Check out what you’d be entitled to as a single parent. Make plans. He’s shackling you to a life of servitude and poverty.

You sold your coats and he is happy with that. He needs to be gone.

Can you go back to your old profession if it pays more than the one you’re training for?

This has made me so fucking angry. I will advocate on your behalf, help you with paperwork and help you find out what you’re entitled to and where to go from here.

please drop me a DM if you’d like some help. I live absolutely know where near you but have king tentacles and a fury only a menopausal women has a claim to. 😉

Whilst its good that you are aware of the situation Im sooo angry on your behalf. Please dont stay with this utter twat, what are you training in OP, will it enable you to then move straight out? Maybe you can look at this as a means to an end?

Oh and DO NOT SELL YOUR CAR 😥

I was in your situation. You need to find a way to get back to paid work, so you have your own income and a sense of independence. It will help you to do what you need to do (which is LTB) for the sake of your DDs. You are strong and you can do it. Get some support from Women’s Aid.

Can you talk to a solicitor about what you might get in a divorce?

Yeah. He's keeping you down. You will be even more resentful struggling without easy transport and a winter coat. You are not a team. You are not equals. Bastard.

I had one of these. It's wonderful without him. I'm snug under my electric throw watching Graham Norton. I know how much money I have and I can decide what I want to save up for. I have plans and hope that one day I have a lovely partner. Get rid of him.

I wouldn’t sell the car-it’s your independence. I bet we buy any car won’t actually pay that much anyway!

When you say he has £1000 of debt, so you mean in total or that’s what he’s paying towards a debt each month?

What is your training in-are there jobs at the end of it that will enable you to work and pay childcare?

Bless you all, you’re so lovely 🥹

im training to be a nurse so at least guaranteed a job at the end! I’d find it tricky to go back to my previous job as it’s a very small industry and DH works in it. I think I’d struggle to not have to start from the very beginning working minimum wage for ridiculous hours! To put it into perspective on how tight he is.. we had a seriously bad damp, wet problem in the flat. He refused to buy a dehumidifier because it ‘wasn’t urgent’ even though I was having to scrub black mould from the walls every week. Baby dd had an awful chest infection followed by a 3 day hospital stay for RSV pneumonia. Not saying the mould caused this but there’s a chance right?? Anyway, he finally bought one after many arguments. I think we need one running in each room overnight tbh as I’m still needing to keep on top of wiping away the condensation etc but I’m happy to just move it room to room for now. My mum questions on if he’s always been like this.. and tbh I don’t know. I remember when I was pregnant with dd1 he told me I’d better be saving to fund my maternity leave because he wasn’t funding me 😂 but I definitely feel like it’s gotten worse. The £1000 debt payment is every month, part of a huge tax bill that’s also my fault apparently.. nevermind that he was paying for my in-laws rent and expenses up until very recently. I feel like this is him paying me back for issuing an ultimatum over stopping paying for his leech family.

I’d say your baby almost certainly had this medical emergency as a direct result of the mould OP
a young child died recently for the this very reason….. was on the news about a week ago. So not only does this utter bastard not care about your well-being (and lack of clothing) he doesn’t care about his child’s health either.

im glad to see you have found the courage to issue an ultimatum before, it means you can do so again. At an absolute minimum you need to ensure yours and your children basic needs are met…..if left up to him, they won’t be

FYI the csa calculator gives a figure of £225 per week in maintainance as a starting point, plus you would get help/benefits whilst training. Plus a hardship fund for students maybe or a bursary? Savings? A job while training? Neither would you have to pay for his sorry arse in added expenses. Are you sure you wouldn’t be better off alone? Are you sure that his abuse of your baby (deliberately refusing to make the flat safe for her) is not the red line that means you would all be safer without him?

To answer what your mum asked OP.
Yes your DH has ALWAYS been a tight arse this is very extreme even for the things you read on here!

Is it nurse training you are doing? How much longer of your training have you got left?

I would demand a better deal start saving, get your name on the housing list NOW and I would plotting to leave as soon as your training is finished.

Agree with the poster you would be better alone money wise too.

Stop buying his food, cite prices and what he gives does not cover it.

Don't pay towards his debt.

Buy a coat with the money saved by not buying his food.

Don't sell the car.

Work to copy every financial paper of his, get lots of free advice, do your research.

Start your escape plan. List everything needed to Divorce, move, restart training etc.

Good luck op.