Feel a bit lost in life

[Lostatseawithnolighthouse]

I know a lot of people are probably feeling this way following Brexit, Covid, Cost of living crisis etc but I don't seem to be able to get out of it.

Basically I feel a bit directionless and literally have no idea what direction I want my life to go in.

I'm 40. Habitually single. Can't have children. Not enough friends nearby. I live in a beautiful area but it's very quiet and there aren't meet up groups etc. I can't move for financial reasons and because I've moved too much. I can't do it again.

My job is ok but feels a bit pointless. Poorly paid. I have no savings. I feel like I deserve better in a job but don't know what I want.

I'm not depressed. It's more a case of not knowing what I want from life and just feeling there should be more. Just don't know how to improve things.

Guess it's just me who feels like this.

I can't offer much advice unfortunately but just wanted to say you're not alone, I've been feeling almost exactly the same way.

Nothing's really that bad in my life but things all just seem a bit meaningless. I've been going through the motions for a while, with not much else going on. I'm also single, no kids, few local friends.

I'm fed up in my current job but don't know what I'd want to do instead. Then the actual process of preparing for interviews seems so overwhelming and I'm not sure I could handle rejection right now.

I'm trying to improve my life but something inevitably goes wrong every time I try and I often find myself thinking "what's the point?". I thought there would be more to life and living the next 50 years this way sounds daunting.

I'm hopeful things will get better but for now, I completely feel you.

Thank you so much for your message. I hope you find your perfect path, whatever it might entail.

Do you think it might be your age? Once you reach 40s you start to reflect. Nothing wrong with feeling dissatisfied. Need to have a think about possible changes.

Same here. No job. No money. Few friends. Feeling directionless.

The problem is I don't know what changes I want

I'm so sorry you feel like this too.

In the same situation really. Considering a move back to my home town but rent is particularly expensive there and I'm struggling to find a job. Plus even if I found a job I'd probably have to house share for a while. It's quite dead around here with few meet up groups and opportunities to meet people. Think I've given up on dating/relationships, just seems so different to how it was last time I dated (10 years ago).

Sorry OP but this is the vaguest vague post of vagueness I have ever seen (in a nice way, I'm teasing) 😅- I think first of all you need to try and be less vague.

You might not know exactly what you want but you must have an inkling of something you want to change. You talk about having no social networks. Well, that can be improved, even for someone living very rurally. There are always ways.

What happens if you sit down and just try to list out a few things you want for your life? What do you come up with?

Take one of those things and make it your project. Start to work on it. What's the first step?

Sometimes, you just have to do something even if you don't know if it's quite right. One thing leads to something else and before you know it you are on a path and things start to become clearer.

It just sounds like you are in a bit of an inertia right now and overwhelmed without direction. You just need to pick a direction - pick a change to make in your life - even if it's seemingly a bit random, and pursue it for a bit, then reflect in a few months/ a year's time.

Nothing will only lead to more nothing. Take some action! :) Even find a life coach or counsellor maybe if you're struggling to figure it out?

Just don't sit there doing nothing and watching your life pass you by. You'll only live it once.

I feel vague 😂

Well, you have identified two things in your post that are bothering you - your job and your social life.

Which one do you want to work on first?

Just pick a thing, choose one action you can take today, and start doing it. Don't overcomplicate. There's no time like the present.

So by going off your post you need to make a change:

• your job.
• your social life.

Could you not go for a new job better paid first? That will come with an increased income maybe get you moved more locally to your friends/network?

Hi op, saw a well known psychologist on Insta suggest that, when you feel directionless, you clear your mind and think
about what you would like to do if someone invited you to create your “ideal” day.

Obviously it has to involve some practical time for basic maintenance functions and some means of earning a living. But otherwise, think about what you like doing best in life and that will give you a clue about where you should be aiming.

You need purposeful work (either work to fund your passions or work to be focused in areas that being you happiness).

You also need strong relationships and love. Personally, I think these rarely come about when looking for them specifically, but develop as a result of pursuing other things.

If you can’t think of anything you specifically want to do, then doing things to help others can be rewarding and you go to bed knowing that you have made that day better for someone else, if not yourself.

In your shoes, I think I would use social media to organise and gather together people similar to you and meet up once a month or once a fortnight. Think carefully about the area of interest that you want to congregate around. And the type of people that those sort of interests might attract.

Social media can be a great medium through which you can organise a large group of people but keep costs manageable. Consider a beginners walking, cycling group followed by a coffee or pub stop, a creative meet up to explore art or knitting, a monthly book swapping meet up in a pub on a slow night of the week, a dog walking service … a group organised to help the elderly in your community continuing the “helping” ethos left over from Covid, something manageable but enjoyable.

Lastly, would a dog fit in to your life? A dog brings huge comforts and attracts people to you. Especially if you walk in the same place at the same time every day. You can also commit to dog training groups, joint walks, dog sitting; all of which bring you in to contact with others and forces you outside in rain or shine.

Feeling a bit lost can be a gift in the sense that it gives you the push you need to take courage in both hands and leap outside of your comfort zone. Good luck!